Thoughts From the Temple of Hera

Average Sex - Everyone's Doing It

2011-01-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

My friend's mother (yes, mother) once told me that if there aren’t fireworks between the sheets, it’s just not meant to be. I immediately dismissed this advice, partly because it meant my menopausal friend's mother was having better sex with my friend's overweight father than I was with my supposedly sexually prime bedmate. But mostly, I rejected this theory because I didn’t, and still don’t, think its entirely true.

Sex – the good, the bad, and the ugly – where does it all fit in?

We make such a big deal about sex. It consumes us. We lie about sex – we say we’re having less when we’re having more, and more when we’re having less. We worry about our relationship if the sex isn’t “above average.” We worry about our health, our sanity, our bodies and our worth if he simply rolls over. We use sex as a barometer for the status of our relationships when there couldn’t possibly be a less reliable, standardized or empirical indicator.

I, for one, do not believe that the caliber or frequency of the sex we’re having – or not having – is necessarily an accurate representation of what lies beneath. Now this is not to say that sex is not an important component of a relationship, because it is. I fancy a good ole shag just as much as the next gal. What I am saying, though, is that thanks to soft core porn, (aka cable television), Megan Fox, and Cosmopolitan articles with titles like “Give Him the Best Sex of His Life” and “101 Sex Positions to Try Before You Die,” we have been made to believe that not only should we be having sex every night, but great sex every night, and this just isn’t realistic.

These fallacies also spawn a kind of sexual competition among men, women, and couples alike. “Do you guys have a swing? Where have you done it today? Have you tried the Reverse Amazon? What about the Jellyfish? The Bent Spoon?” It’s like losing your virginity automatically (and unwittingly) qualifies you for the sex Olympics and suddenly everybody’s keeping score, or being judged, or being stripped of their medals for performance enhancers. The whole world was turned upside down when Sting revealed that he has epic bouts of tantric sex with his wife on a regular basis, and women everywhere were making statements about “how lucky his wife is.” Now, I’m sorry, but I have no time to be having seven hour sex sessions; I have to eat an Italian sub, use the restroom and watch crappy reality TV all before 1 p.m., so this just isn’t going to work. And quite frankly, I have no desire to play hide the canoli for four hundred and twenty minutes. Should I feel bad about that?

We are constantly bombarded with images of beautiful people having beautiful sex. And because of this they are happy…elated…energized! We are repeatedly told by “sexperts” that you need to spice things up in the bedroom to “keep the magic alive.” And when friends get together and talk the dirty (and not in the middle of the day at a local shabby chic diner for hours at a time like Sex and the City would lead you to believe), it’s almost always about a mind blowing orgasm, or a rainy day marathon.

But what about the average sex everyone is having? Why don’t we ever hear about that? Is consistent, moderate sex unacceptable?

I just do not believe that people all over the world are having non-stop, tear jerking, flesh gauging sex – and I think that’s OK. In fact, I think that’s natural and normal. Great sex takes work, and personally, I’m not always up for the challenge. I’ll admit it – sometimes it’s nice to just lie there, (and you’re lying if you say you’ve never felt the same). Yes, most of the time sex is an incredibly fulfilling, invigorating and enriching experience, and yes, most of the time I’m a team player. But after a ten hour day, four non-light beers, and two episodes of Intervention, I can guaran-f*cking-tee you I won’t be hanging from chandeliers or slipping into any tutus. AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT.

Time and time again, we have heard that the quality of sex is directly related to how much you care about the person, but that just isn’t the case. I think that perfect strangers can have mind-blowing quickies, I think you can have mediocre love making sessions with your soul mate, I think perfectly happy couples can hit a dry spell, and that two people with nothing in common can come together (pun intended) in bed (or on couch, in backseat, hanging from flagpole, whatever your fancy).

Certainly it makes sense that the emotional connection you have with your partner will affect the sex you share with him (or her) – stronger feelings will produce a deeper sense of intimacy, inspiring more passionate bedroom business, and bringing poignancy and sentiment to an exchange that can otherwise be quite barren. We are also inclined to be more generous and attentive lovers when we respect and appreciate our bedmates. And finally, and perhaps most importantly, the closer we are with our partners, the more comfortable we feel talking about the sex, sharing our likes and dislikes, our haves and have nots, and exploring fantasies, fetishes and fears that would otherwise remain dormant (and unfulfilled). However, I think this theory has some loopholes, and that it often plateaus, and once again, that the sex simply is not always indicative of, or an accurate representation of the tenor and essence of a relationship.

Nothing comes easily in the world that lies within our bedposts, and I’m tired of being told that it does! I’m tired of doing kegel exercises while watching Oprah so I can really nail that Reverse Cowgirl (I'm kidding-- but not really). I’m tired of watching middle-aged women climax repeatedly on courtroom dramas. I’m tired of oysters being marketed as aphrodisiacs – they’re fookin’ delicious, and that’s why I’ll eat 100 of them. And most of all, I’m tired of everyone denying the fact that just maybe, when the moon is full, or when the tide is red, or when the goddam pigs go soaring past your bedroom window, that they too, from time to time, are having just average sex.

Friends... no benefits. I changed my mind.

2011-01-09T11:15:00.000-08:00

You may remember a post that argued in favor of having friends with benefits, I have since thoroughly changed my mind. Here's why:

“Tonight let’s be lovers…and tomorrow we’ll go back to being friends.”

Sorry Dave Matthews. While I fancy your rock band and appreciate the length you went to in order to solicit platonic sex from your besties, I simply cannot endorse these lyrics. (Sorry, male friends.) But I just do not think it is wise to play Mario Kart with your guy pal one night and doctor the next, unless you want your nipples handled like joysticks and a guaranteed disappointment.

If you’re loose with your definition of “friend,” say “I love you” to each of your colleagues, and blast mass text messages like it’s your job, then you will undoubtedly disagree. After all, what’s wrong with a little hanky panky from your drinking buddy next door? However, to me “friend” has a very sacred and categorical meaning. The fuzzy area surrounding is reserved for titles like “acquaintance” “buddy” or “pal.” Not “late night booty partner.” Therefore, to hook up with a friend by my definition is inherently incongruous and somewhat fraudulent. A truly, strictly platonic relationship never goes temporarily sexual. The beauty of friendship is that it is pure, transparent and resolute. To take things carnal is not only unnatural and um, awkward, but potentially blasphemous.

For those “friends with benefits” enthusiasts ready to Tonya Harding my cankles, relax. I am not judging you for giving your dude friend a ride to Pleasuretown. I’m just saying real friends don’t let each other shack up at the Howard Johnson…. or in your lofted twin XL (hah ohh freshman year).

While I don’t think boy and girl buddies can alternate between playmates and bedmates, I do believe that friendship can evolve into romance. In fact, I think this can make for a wonderful relationship. However, “friends” – girls, boys, whatever – don’t suddenly find themselves in transient, precariously intimate situations without some pre-existing feelings of sexual attraction or romantic affections, thereby disqualifying them as friends. A drunken, harmless make-out sesh, yes; an “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” exchange, highly encouraged. But if heads head south, you are more than just friends.

I admit this is the opinion of a fairly sexually conservative female: I have never been the girl who dry humps a pole in the middle of the dance floor, nor have I ever volunteered to french kiss my roommate for the last Natty Light. (For the last piece of pizza, however, I’d beat her up) So maybe there are girls out there who can straddle that friend line without complications. I also recognize that there are the inexplicable moments of weakness aptly named “I just broke up with my boyfriend” or “Spring Break Rules” or “Tequila,” and that most dudes would just as soon boink their best girlfriends than mow their lawn. These “exceptions” aside, however, I maintain that “just friends” don’t “just f*ck.”

Perhaps more importantly, while the “friends with benefits” can be a convenient and quite tempting arrangement, (aka, no dinner dates required, and bodily fluid jokes encouraged), the complications that can arise and the regrets that may surface aren’t really worth the best-of-both-worlds situation. Chances are someone is going to get hurt. One player will be more emotionally invested than the other, the benefits will trump the friend, the lines of communication will collapse under the weight of the “what did that really mean?” and unless there is a simultaneous pull-out (of the arrangement), someone will feel rejected.

The bottom line is no friendship ever improves after an impromptu scissor fest or a drunken cavity search, so the next time you and your couch buddy are feeling lonely, and perhaps a little dirty, skip the tongue bath and hit the showers, cold, and separately. You may need to help yourself out, but you’ll be much more satisfied in the long run.

Settling for Mr. Good Enough

2011-01-09T11:05:00.000-08:00

There is that scene in Bridget Jones’ Diary, where, Bridge (as she’s called) lies on her couch, pajama-clad, bottle of vodka clutched tightly in hand bemoaning the fate of an untimely death for a single person. She worries that if she were to die, alone in her apartment, it is likely that someone may find her decomposing body three weeks later half-eaten by a German Shepard.

I too fear the fate of an untimely “single” death. I imagine my distraught mother, overcome with grief, forced to go through my things. Her sadness only magnified as she discovers the true, mind-blowing total of my credit card debt, and then the small stash of “emergency” illicit prescription drugs in my bedside table. I can see her coming to the realization that I’m not the daughter she imagined, but her image of me will truly be shattered when she opens the drawer that I use to store both my vibrators and my financial statements. I can just see the horror pass over her face, as she realizes that her daughter was not only a bit too sexually adventurous, but also was unfamiliar with exactly what a 401K is.

What my filing system says about both my sex life and my financial health will not be addressed here, but ending up alone, will. A few months ago, Lori Gottlieb penned the controversial, (almost apocalyptic) article in the Atlantic Monthly entitled “Marry Him!”, in which she implored women everywhere to forgo deep, passionate connections in favor of companionship. In other words, overlook halitosis for companionship.

Her doom and gloom outlook spawned outrage in many. But it got me to thinking, perhaps what she was saying was that things that we crave as we get older, change. And the things that seemed so far away in our twenties (like marriage and child-bearing and rearing) become realities in our thirties. So the question remains, do we break up with guys in our twenties for reasons that we would be comfortable overlooking in our thirties? Are we just too superficial, too myopic in our twenties to realize that companionship trumps bad shoes or a lack of an adventurous streak?

Interestingly, I recently found myself attempting to “overlook” a great deal in a man. I, at the ripe old age of 23, have now been single for three years, and when a guy came along whom I wouldn’t normally consider dating, I figured, perhaps I had been doing something wrong all along. I was going to throw caution to the wind and give him a go (let’s call him) Hal.

He was adventurous and liked the outdoors. I hoped that financial success would one day allow me to travel the world, learn languages, see great things. Hal, on the other hand, just wanted a pool. To be fair, he knew what kind of pool (kidney shaped, dark bottom). But point is, his dreams were dug firmly into the ground while mine flitted about somewhere between earth and Jupiter.

I overlooked all I could, but sadly, I overlooked how I really felt—which was bored and uninspired.

I found other friends of mine (also in their twenties) recently overlooking as well. One girlfriend dated a guy whose (unsavory) reputation preceded him. Another dated a guy who she knew was really just a friend, but tried to overlook the lack of chemistry.

It all brings me back to Lori Gottlieb’s mantra—“Marry him!”—but at what cost? When does compromise and understanding turn into settling?

Do you want the vows on your wedding day to read: “Being with you is better than being alone?” I mean, do you really want to close your eyes during sex, not by choice, but because you’re unattracted?

I’d like to posit a new theory—perhaps naive, and perhaps too optimistic. But maybe we date men in our twenties that we just wouldn’t consider in our thirties. Maybe in our thirties we no longer believe that we can change the a-hole, or reform the philanderer. Maybe by our thirties, we know ourselves well enough not to date the guys we would in our twenties. Maybe by then, we can see past the halitosis to a good heart. Moreover, I’d like to continue to believe that passion can turn into companionship, and we don’t have to sacrifice one for the other.

Of course, the real question that I continue to struggle with, is not when to get rid of someone, but rather, when to keep him. And that, my friends, seems to be the most difficult one of all to answer

Gay Marriage to SAVE the Institution?

2010-08-08T05:51:00.000-07:00

Prop 8 Was recently overturned in California! Wahooo!! It got me thinking however....

Marriage isn’t a right; it’s a privilege. Depending on the time, place, and partner, getting married could be harder than getting into Harvard, if not downright impossible. As recently as fifty years ago (or if you haven't heard: if you live in particular areas of LA even today), miscegenation laws would have forbid me from marrying a man not of my race in certain areas of the United States. Before that, the legal and social benefits to getting married were denied to minorities, immigrants, and the poor for centuries. Marriage is, for lack of a better analogy, membership into the biggest country club in the world.

For me, getting married would be a personal endorsement of some of the worst societal norms in existence.

The supposed “right” to marry has never been much of a right at all, and our understanding of marriage as a basic liberty is unique to contemporary times. Thanks to my predisposition for heterosexuality, it’s a liberty I could easily exercise, but I’d much rather march in a rally than down an aisle, because I find it difficult to take part in a practice that is denied to others (plenty of them my friends). Even with the best of intentions, I can’t imagine that my own wedding will serve any purpose but to reinforce existing norms, such as the idea that a relationship is only valuable if recognized by a third-party institution.

It’s ironic, then, that I consider marriage equality an extremely important political issue, and the only one to which I’ve devoted significant time and money. Why should a feminist support the inclusion of queer people in what is historically a sexist institution? Besides the “separate but equal” disaster that civil unions create, I think same-sex marriage might just be the only way to save marriage as an institution.

Critics of marriage equality often claim that it will lead to the demise of traditional marriage, while supporters insist that nothing will change by allowing queer people to marry. Though I share little else in common with them, I agree with the former group. It’s disingenuous, or at the very least, naive, to suggest that legalizing same-sex marriage won’t threaten traditional marriage. It absolutely will, and I hope it does. Traditional marriage is an institution that has historically treated women as property and men as property owners. It has fueled our culture’s obsession with virginity and female purity, while justifying the rape of child brides and the battering of women who dare to not serve their husbands. A half-century’s worth of gender equality under Western law neither creates equality in practice nor does it negate thousands of years of subjugation.

Recognizing same-sex relationships may very well be the only thing that can keep marriage a relevant social institution. Same-sex marriage subverts the gender roles that have dominated marriage — and by extension, society — for the great majority of human history. Every gay marriage is a statement against antiquated roles and practices we’ve come to take for granted. (Who, for example, walks down the aisle in a gay wedding ceremony?) Marriage is far more appealing a notion when I think of queer couples getting hitched without white dresses and gendered proposals. Accepting gay marriage also means rejecting one of the most enduring aspects of traditional marriage: its exclusivity. No longer would marriage be a privilege of the appropriately heterosexual.

I’m not holding my breath, but if this long-suffering institution changes, then perhaps my opinion of it will too. Because frankly, I wish I could get married. I wish I could don a white wedding gown without having to think about its sexually repressive implications as much as I wish I lived in a society without prerequisites for legal recognition of romantic relationships. Unfortunately, that isn’t this society, at least not yet. Perhaps we’ll never get there in my lifetime, but if that’s the case, then to paraphrase Groucho Marx, I wouldn’t want to join a club that would have me as a member anyway.

Picky

2010-08-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

Someone once told me that the reason I’m still single is because my standards are too high. I laughed in her face, flipping through a mental catalog of the disgusting creatures who’ve woken up in my bed. “Au contraire,” I told her. “I think my standards are non existent.”

But the other night when my roommates were MIA and I was alone in the living room enjoying a large McFlurry while watching the latest on Rachel Maddow and facebooking, I started reflecting on my dating past and why none of those boys are in my dating present. I grabbed a piece of paper (Ok, the back of a Chinese takeout menu…it was closer) and began listing all of the guys I’ve dated.

To my horror, the list had more dishes than the Chinese menu it was written on.

Next to each name I wrote down why that particular dude didn’t work out. Only a few on the list consisted of “d-bag didn’t call me back,” or “didn't know his real name,” but the rest were my own doing. And after seeing it all written down on paper, I began to see my friend may have been right.

Reasons I’ve rejected boys:

- Too much body hair.
- Too pre-puebsecent (not enough body hair)
- Ugly Glasses
- Watched Fox news, ewwwww
- Not geographically possible (lived > 10kms away from me)
- Owns and wears a pair of Jorts (jean shorts)
- Wears far too much jewelery
- Too skinny.
- Too Religious
- Too fat
- Was from a boring place
- Was boring
- Owns and Loves Guns
- Has animal heads in house
- Jack rabbit sex.
- Says LOL online. And in person.
- Crocs
- had trouble pronouncing his "r"s
- Weird Teeth
- Doesn’t know who Chelsea Handler is.
- Serious drinking problem

Ok, so that last one is a pretty legitimate concern, but seeing the rest down on paper made me feel ridiculous. (And seeing it next to #12 – Mongolian Beef – made me hungry.) Maybe my standards are too high when it comes to finding a boyfriend. Yes, my "sure I'll make-out with ya" standards consist merely of “will he get in the taxi with me?” hahah just joking!! BUT, seriously... I am unrealistically picky when it comes to something more.

Maybe a little Republican will help balance my ideas ( I hope not), maybe Crocs are as comfortable as they are ugly, maybe just maybe going to church/mosque/synagogue/temple on Sunday could be... errrrhhhmmm fun?

I’m beginning to realize that maybe I wouldn’t spend so much time with Maccas soft serve if I didn’t let such petty things get to me. Jewelery can be removed, but McFlurry on my thighs lasts forever.

How To Be a Good Republican (The Late Governor Ann Richards of TX)

2010-08-08T05:38:00.001-07:00

Ann Richards on How to Be a Good Republican:

Watched an Ann Richards speech excerpt in class recently-- reminded me of how fantastic she was :)

1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's gasoline prices are all Clinton's fault.

2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.

4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.

5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.

6. You have to believe...everything Rush Limbaugh says.

7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.

8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.

9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.

10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.

11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.

13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.

14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

15. You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.

16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.

18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.

Older Men----> The Way to Go

2010-08-08T05:05:00.000-07:00

BAHAHAHA-- not that old--I am only kidding. But I think 28 is a magical number, and on a guy’s 28th birthday, there is some miraculous explosion in his head where he realizes, “Oh my, maybe it’s time to stop being a douchebag!” After four years of going through the motions of college dating, I decided to give older men a try.

I am never going back.

First, I’ll explain the downside, and if you can make it past that, then it’s possible an older man might be just what you’re looking for.

If you’re looking for a fling, this is usually NOT the type of relationship for you, unless otherwise explicitly stated.

Older men are also more likely to come with baggage — like ex-wives/fiances or LONG term gfs and/or children.

Also, I always have this lingering fear that they will somehow find me, or the things I do, or like, or say, to be utterly childish. I always have this suspicion lurking in the back of my mind that they’re saying to themselves, “Oh how naïve and cute she is.”

On the other hand, I love the fact that they know how to order at a restaurant — and that they even have a restaurant in mind that they’d like to try. For that matter, I like the fact that they know what they like and what they don’t like and aren’t still running around experimenting with whatever comes their way.

I like the fact that an older man can take a common sense approach to things, an approach that balances my own headstrong impulsiveness.

Some more positives:

1. They have JOBS.

2. They are much more eager to please (in bed and elsewhere)

3. More emotional and relational maturity

4. They know more about the world, i.e. can have intelligent conversations on a variety of subjects.

Are you a convert yet?

By the way, I am not looking for a father figure. I have one already, thank you very much, and we are very close. I am looking for a real man, that’s all. Someone who isn’t going to play games, and who has moved (hopefully) beyond the immature jealousies and strutting around of younger men. I like someone who really knows how to hold a woman, and who knows how to relate to her like the individual that she is.

Maybe I just had bad luck. Maybe I just picked the wrong guys my own age. And as much as it goes against my need for the new and exciting, I like the stability and safety of someone who doesn’t need to have his ego pumped, who has his own life, and wants to be with me just because he enjoys spending the time. There is nothing more amazing than the connection of two brains on the same level. You should try it sometime.

Juggling More Than One Man During the "Dating Phase"

2010-08-08T04:43:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been reading "It's Just a Date" by the authors of the classic and beloved "He's Just Not That Into You." It talks about dating multiple people at once-- and while I thought that was such a sin before-- now I am totally game and believe there is no other way to do dating.

Dating is a period for two people to get to know one another. Dating is not the same thing as a relationship. A relationship is what comes after dating. It is important to get to know someone before you make a commitment to them. The only people that should jump into relationships are high school kids because they don’t know any better. I remember in the ninth grade a boy asked me to be his girlfriend during lunch. We passed a couple of notes on a lovely Winter afternoon and then after school I broke up with him. If we would’ve gone out on a date or two then I wouldn’t have made that commitment to be his girlfriend because I would’ve known he had some serious hygiene issues and a serious case of missing personality disorder.

Dating is a process that can be short or long. It is based on how short or fast two people get to know each other. When two people date, they get all the obvious questions out of the way. The obvious answers are what help a person determine if a relationship could start. Once a relationship starts, it’s the hard answers to questions that determine if the relationship can last.

If a woman (or man) decides to date more than one person, they need to be honest with the people they are dating. And let's be clear-- you are not in a relationship until you've actually discussed that you are no longer interested in dating anyone else and would like to see the other person monogamously. There are no gray areas, so kindas, no maybes, sortas o buts--- to be frank-- HALFWAY DOESN'T COUNT. It needs to be clear that a commitment has not been made. If one of the two people dating wants a commitment, then she or he should decide to commit to that relationship or move on.

Plus-- despite how much we dread dating-- it can actually be quite fun and ridiculously straightforward. Go on a few dates-- have a few dinners- a couple of drinks and then you decide. If you go win with the mindset that the majority of dates are going to be nothing but just that.... a date-- then everything else is a complete surprise! Happy dating!

The fine line between being "needy" and having no dignity

2010-06-21T20:50:00.000-07:00

Needy. Ugh. That one word can make any guy run for miles, and being labeled as such is every girl’s worst nightmare. It’s funny in the movies; we can all roll on the floor laughing when a character leaves a guy seventeen voicemails in a row (“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”) or assumes that an invite to a party is a declaration of love (“He’s Just Not That Into You”), but the reason it is so funny is because it’s based in some very real, very painful truth.

But being that needy in real life, is not funny.

The problem is that so many girls in our generation are so terrified that some boy might call them needy that the line between being needy and having respect for oneself has blurred. A friend, let’s call her Laura, currently has those two confused, and she is driving me insane. Laura has been kind of in a thing (i.e. the 21st century version of dating) with this guy, we’ll call him Brad, since some time in February. Brad is, to put it nicely, not the world’s most considerate guy. He’ll make plans with her and bail at the last minute, say he’ll talk to her tomorrow and disappear for weeks with no communication, hell, he almost forgot to even say “Happy Birthday!” to her.

It is painful to watch Laura let this guy treat her like that, and we’ve all tried to help her see how poorly he’s treating her on her own. The problem is that she has been a little needy in the past, and she is so terrified of being labeled ‘needy’ again that she won’t even stand up for herself!

The poor girl just doesn’t see the difference between being needy and getting a the respect she deserves.

Needy is expecting to hang out with the person you’re dating all the time.
Needy is being mad that he won’t skip boys’ night to try a new sushi place with you.

Needy is not expecting the guy you’re dating to call when he says he will.
It is not needy to expect him to follow through on what he says he is going to do, or call him out on it if it happens frequently.
It is not needy to want a defined relationship status so you know what’s going on.

There is a gray area somewhere between being WAY too needy and having no self respect, and it is in that area that real, healthy relationships lie. Where there’s some give and take, some compromise and some mutual respect. Laura and Brad are not in that area and I just need to find a way to show her that it exists and that it’s not “needy” to want to be there.

Text Messages are Murdering Real Romance

2010-06-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

One of the ways you can date a movie is by observing the telephone usage of the characters. For instance, how many chick flicks have you seen where Mom answers the phone and it’s, swoon!, Bobby from the football game calling to speak with Megan. Does Meg play hard to get and pretend like she’s not home? Will Mom jot down a message and stick it to the fridge? Maybe Megan grabs the phone up in her room and excitedly twirls the cord around her finger as she accepts Bobby’s invitation to dinner.

In every dorm room and apartment I’ve shared with friends, I’ve wanted to get a communal landline and implement the message corkboard. Of course I never voiced my desires, but it all seemed so…quaint. In my head I pictured us all going out to the bar on Friday night and waking up Saturday afternoon to a barrage of post-its sporting guys’ names and numbers. Maybe we’d even have a color-coded system. Red for hottie, blue nottie, pink for potentially gay.

In reality, Saturday afternoons were spent on the couch watching Housewives marathons and being jarred out of a trance as our cell phones vibrated and beeped. Todd says: “Nice 2 meet U last nite. Going out agn?” Mark says: “Wut up?”

I’ve been there, and I’d bet ten dollar-beers that you’ve been there, too. The sad part is, we’ll respond, albeit halfheartedly, knowing exactly what they’re getting at. “Going out again?” is code for “Wanna make out tonight if we happen to be wasted at the same place at the same time?” and a seemingly innocent “What’s up?” is the product of a moronic mind who has nothing more interesting to say to the goddess of a woman he met over Vodka lime and sodas last night.

Even worse is the moment when you get a text-friendly guy physically in front of you. Inanimate objects have more personality! He was a big hotshot when he had his phone to do the wooing (“I kno the bouncer, I'll buy you a drink”; “You looked so hott in that dress”) but now he’s all sweaty hands shoved in pockets and shuffling feet. Being the mature adult you are, you ask his major, maybe where he’s from. One-word answers and glassy eyes, that’s what you get in response. And to think, you wasted a good 15 texts on this guy.

Next!

Now, the Huffington Post is reporting that text messaging is quickly replacing spoken communication. WTF, peeps? What has texting done to us? I know it’s easier, quicker, and less awkward than a phone call, but come on! Do you think Angelina got Brad by pix-messaging him pictures of her boobs? You better believe she knows the power of a flirtatious touch and a well-timed batting of her eyelashes. And that world famous lip pucker doesn’t translate via cell.

Nearly every woman dreams of possessing the wiles of Ange, ScarJo, Halle, or Miss Diaz. You chase the dream of being one of these universally drooled-upon sexual icons. In the name of self improvement, you drop hundreds of dollars every year on magazines just to get tips on how to impress quality guys and “find out what they’re really thinking.” Have you ever stopped to consider maybe the real 10s think you’re a future cat lady who needs to ditch the Blackberry and learn to flirt in real time? Or that maybe you’ve already got what it takes if you would just get out from behind that little key pad and pick up the phone when face time isn’t an option. Picture all the women you admire sitting in their sweatpants agonizing over whether to text " See you later” or “See you later babe”. It’s not happening. In all likelihood, the girls getting the guys aren’t the ones with bed head and rapid-type thumbs, they’re the ones out there using their humor and well-timed hair flips to make it happen.

Now I know some of you are out there crying out how you had an intense heart-to-heart with a guy just last week! Please look back and reassess the situation: were you sitting on a curb or porch, smoking a cigarette, holding a beer in one hand your heels in another? Drunken admissions do not count for quality conversation.

To all you text-aholics this probably sounds harsh, but sometimes tough love is the best kind. Texting is not communicating – it’s avoiding real communication. If you want to build relationships you’ve got to put down the phone and talk to someone already!

I'm Just Not That Into Him Either

2010-06-14T04:50:00.000-07:00

One of my biggest pet peeves with the male population is when a guy doesn’t call back. Yes, I know that I should take a hint from He’s Just Not That Into You and know that no call = no interest, but it still makes me mad.

If a guy says he’s gonna call, then he should call. And if he’s not interested, then he should just suck it up, be a man, and tell me. I’m an adult – I can handle it. I who would rather have a definitive answer than be left wondering.

And wonder I do.

I can’t help it. As much as I know in my head that guys would call if they are interested, my heart takes control of the situation and I am left laying by the phone, willing it to ring. Or running to it every time it does in hopes that said boy has finally mustered up the courage to give me a buzz, only to be left disappointed when it’s my mother…again…calling to ask me what's new (read: secretly hoping for even just minor progression in regards to my sorry/pathetic love life)?

And then the tables turned.

I met a guy at the bar and in my booze-y haze I thought he was charming, cute and hilarious. We talked the whole night, immediately hit it off, did a lot of obnoxious making out at the bar (the kind that you normally scoff at when others do it so publicly) and exchanged numbers.

But I digress. The point is, after spending some time with him the next day I realized that he was none of the things I was attracted to the night before. I just wasn’t that into him.

I gave him my number in the morning knowing full well I would never call him back. What else was I supposed to do? Refuse when he asked for it? Lie and tell him I don’t do that whole cell phone thing? Yeah right. Then I kissed him goodbye and told him we’d talk soon. I know I didn’t mean it, but I didn’t know what else to say.

When he called me two days later to see if I wanted to come to his house party, I didn’t answer the call. Or the text. Or the Facebook friend request. “He’ll get the point,” I thought to myself. And so I never called back and awkwardly avoided him every time I saw him thereafter.

I didn’t realize what I was doing until a friend pointed it out to me. “You’re doing the same thing to him that you hate when guys do to you.”

Hm. I had never thought of it that way. It just felt so much different on this side of things; it made sense. Why hurt someone’s feelings by telling them you aren’t interested (or even figure out how to tell them that) when you can just ignore them and hope they get the point? Everyone knows that if you are interested you’d call back, so they should totally know that a lack of call-back means you aren’t into them. And you didn’t have to say anything/have an awkward conversation! It’s the perfect scenario.

Well, minus that whole “suck it up and be a man” thing. But I can’t help it; it’s just. so. easy. And they’ll get the point…eventually.

No Aphrodisiac Like Loneliness...

2010-06-14T04:29:00.000-07:00

Watch out-- the single girl might be throwing in the towel.....

With the exception of a short love affair that ended via text message, of which my lover addressed to the wrong girl, I’ve been single three long years. And, until now, I’ve been totally OK with that, in fact I've enjoyed a lot of it. I’ve really gotten to figure myself out; my good qualities (I’m incredibly generous to those I love) and my not-so-good qualities (I’m what some people might refer to as a judgmental snobby bitch).

While finding a boyfriend has always been on my “things that would be nice” list (along with winning the lottery and looking like Carrie Underwood), it was never something that I was actively seeking. I don’t mind spending time by myself. I don’t mind making independent decisions, in fact i prefer them. I don’t mind doing everything I want when I want, including watching The Hills in my underwear, complete with face mask, and hair treatment turban-- eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.

But as of earlier this evening, as I was doing just that, something happened. When Justin Bobby handed Kristin his rocker leather coat and snuggled up to her as they watched the sunset I actually started crying. Yes, crying. Over an annoying fake couple on a bullsh*t show. SERIOUSLY.

“I want that,” I thought to myself, as I used my sleeve to wipe snot from my upper lip.

My reaction surprised me. I had no idea how badly I wanted a boyfriend, but the tears-turned-deep-sobbing were telling another story. And then I realized that there were many other aspects of my life that were equally as telling.

Yeah, after taking a deeper look, I’ve realized that I am most definitely ready for a boyfriend. And by “ready,” I mean, “I’m sick of watching Sunday night TV alone and I need someone to play with my hair while I lay on their lap…now.”

Not sure if you’re ready? Here are a few tell-tale signs your jonesing for a BF:

1. Commercials for Kay Jewelers make you cry.
2. Your DVR'd (recorded) show list is full of movies starring Hugh Grant, Sandra Bullock and Julia Roberts.
3. You lay a pillow lengthwise next to you in bed so it feels like someone else is lying next to you. BAHAHAHA-- girls don't pretend you haven't
4. You start dressing up to run errands on the off-chance that you may run into your future husband.
5. You check Craigslist Missed Connections religiously to see if that cute guy you saw on your errands felt the connection too.
6. You play "what would you rather" for hours with your BFF- comparing ideal circumstances for hours on Sunday-- you even tear up when she describes the scenario of your engagement
7. You silently curse happy couples kissing/holding hands/breathing in public
8. You play around with the thought of an arranged indian marriage easily found online-- www.jevansaathi.com in case you were wondering (you can pick caste and everything).
9. You break down and cry in the bathroom when your family members ask about your dating life.
10. You crave cuddles more than sex.

Please feel free to add.

M. Tracey Brooks' : It's All About Choice (fantastic read!)

2010-06-14T01:39:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed? They're speaking our language. Who is "they" and what language are they speaking? They are people who rail against abortion. The language they are speaking is "choice."

On numerous occasions, former Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin has spoken of the decisions and choices she and her daughter made to carry their pregnancies to term.

In a Sept. 1, 2009 statement on the birth of her first grandchild, born to her then-18-year old daughter, Palin said: '"We're proud of Bristol's decision to have her baby."

In a speech before more than 3,000 people in Evanston, In. on April 16, 2009, she talked about finding out she was pregnant while at an out-of-state meeting and briefly thought about abortion. "There, just for a fleeting moment, I thought, I knew, nobody knows me here. Nobody would ever know. I thought, wow, it is easy," she said. "It could be easy to think maybe of trying to change the circumstances. . . No one would ever know," she added.

More recently, during a public speaking engagement, Sara Palin described her discovery that her son would be born with Down syndrome. Palin told the audience "I now understand why a woman would be tempted, perhaps, to think it might be an easier way out, to say, 'I can take this in my own hands and change this, if even for a moment.' I can understand because I've been there.'"

Pam Tebow, mother of former Florida Gator's football player Tim Tebow, talks openly about her doctor's conclusion that her pregnancy was high risk and his recommendation to terminate the pregnancy to protect her life. Medical information about her condition was made clear during consultations with her doctor, her options and risks were identified, and she made the decision -- the choice -- to continue her pregnancy.

The Palins, the Tebows and many other women and families made their decisions after receiving complete information about their choices -- their options. Shouldn't all women receive comprehensive information about their pregnancies and their options and make the decision that is right for them, as these women did?

It's all about choices

What the pro-choice community has been saying for years is what the other side seems to be saying now: Women and families need to make the decisions that are best for them.

Where the two sides differ is in determining who gets to be part of that decision-making process. Is it the pregnant woman or her anti-choice neighbor? Is it her health care provider or her elected official? This is the crux of the pro-choice movement. We believe and practice, with resounding conviction, that only a woman can make such decisions upon receiving all relevant health information from her health care provider. It is also up to her who else should be included in the decision-making process -- be it her partner, her family, her friends, her clergyperson.

The pro-choice community wants all women and families to have access to full options counseling when faced with an unintended pregnancy or when a pregnancy has gone awry. A woman will learn that she has many forms of support available to her whether she decides to continue or to end her pregnancy.

Family planning health care centers begin providing support from the moment a pregnant woman walks through the door. They work with them to get the health care, economic and social support necessary for a successful pregnancy and beyond. Or, for women who choose abortion, these health care centers provide quality, compassionate care, as well as support to help them plan future pregnancies. This includes contraception counseling and other health care that can positively impact health incomes for women.

Sarah Palin made a choice. Pam Tebow made a choice. Yet, they wish to prevent others from having the same information and choices available to them. Being pro-choice means we are glad they made the decision that was best for them and for their families. We simply want others to have those same choices, as well.

Statistically Speaking- I'll be single forever....

2010-06-06T03:41:00.000-07:00

In a last ditch attempt to further procrastinate studying for finals, I was stumbling through some websites when I found this random statistic that literally blew my mind:

Only 12% of hookups eventually lead to relationships. TWELVE PERCENT.

Being a girl who has had her fair share of hookups and is still single, I don’t know why that statistic was so shocking to me. But it was. I stared at that one line for 10 minutes. Only 12%. 12 percent. That means 88% of hook ups lead to nothing but a walk of shame and that awkward post-hook up interaction when you have to return his basketball shorts.

It’s just pretty shocking when you see it laid out like that. Especially when you consider the fact that the whole hook up culture has become the dominant way of interacting and “dating” in your twenties. It makes me think twice about all those weekend convos with my girlfriends when we gush about whatever boy we made out with the night before. We all talk and plan and are convinced it’s going to turn into something bigger; after all, So and So met started going out with her long-term boyfriend after a hook up. It is possible.

But it’s not. At least for the majority of us. And now, it feels so pointless when you know that probably nothing real is going to come out of it.

Now, I have totally been guilty of some innocent, feelings-free hook-ups, and, yes, they can be SO much fun in the moment. But the fact is, while we girls can enjoy a random hook up or two, most of us (don’t get mad at me, I know that this is not true of ALL girls) do eventually want a boyfriend. And following a guy back to his apartment for a night of fun is clearly not the way we’re going to find one.

This statistic was a very big wake up call for me; it made me realize that I don’t really want the casual thing anymore. I want more than just friends with benefits or casual dating. I want a real relationship, one where he really knows me before we hop into bed together….

The problem is, if the hook up culture is how the majority of twenty-somethings interact, what am I supposed to do?

Man With A Plan

2010-04-01T13:07:00.000-07:00

I have a really good friend in Sydney who beyond being one of the most intellectual people I know, fascinates me in her ability to answer tough questions and solve the problems of society by employing sound uncomplicated logic. Ignore all extraneous variables- "Ellen Logic" is the way of the future. Here, I am going to solve one of the most common issues that come up in relationships using "Ellen Logic".

You see, when it comes to dating, men should make the plans. I think this would solve a lot of dating drama. Men have a natural knack for making plans, be them devising Halo strategies, bank heists, or religious genocide. But I’m not here to reinforce gender norms, much. I’m just making a decision that I think will benefit everyone. Men should make bold, creative, and romantic plans. In return, women should have fun. Because dating is fun. What did I write? Yes: dating is fun. It’s giggles and burping butterflies, and like any adventure it can end with a daring escape from a troll. Fun! Sometimes women make their dating lives sound like “The Passion of The Christ,” - it doesn't have to be this complicated-- I PROMISE!

It’s a classic case of “win/win” if we can all agree than men should make the plans. Men get to save a buck. Women get proof that the man is capable of thinking about her when she’s not around. Simple! I have a theory, backed up by statistics I just made up, that 103 percent of women are overworked and 89.527 percent of men are underworked. Women are high-strung and men are Jell-o salads. During The Manic Recession, more men were laid off. Economic turmoil causes anxiety. Anxiety is caused by a loss of control. The Average Joe can’t control the fluctuations of the global financial system.

But you know what a man can control? Making a plan. A little creativity can save a lot of scratch. Especially when wooing a woman. Wooing women is, frankly, the whole point of a man's life as far as I’m concerned. I’m pretty sure man was not put on this Earth to perfect the “pizza taco.” Seriously. The first bridge was built by a man who had to cross a river to get to a prehistoric hottie. Men move mountains, swim seas and save the planet all to win the favor of the lady. Making the date night plan is part of this noble tradition.

And I’m stressing the money factor because if one guy who’s a little insecure about his finances reads this, and decides to, say, scan the newspaper to look for a free gallery opening to take a date to, then I will swell with pride. A single hot sauce tear will roll down my baremineralled cheek. But seriously: free gallery openings are great. We, chicks dig that stuff. There’s a gallery here in the station (Benjamin Knox) that boasts some interesting works of Aggieland-- that also happens to be attached to the greatest affordable italian cafe in a 50 Kilometer radius.

I hear women complain that the men in their lives don’t make plans. That these dudes are apathetic. Conversations go like this: “What do you want to do tomorrow night?” He shrugs and says, “I dunno.” Women get frustrated by this, express said frustration, and are immediately dismissed as “nags.” But I know better. "Ellen Logic" tells me that plans are proof that a man is capable of holding you in his head and heart when you’re not there in the flesh. Out of sight, but still on the mind. It’s nice to be thought about. This is settled then. Men make the plans. Women go out with those men. Everybody is happy. Dating is fun!

I love it when a plan comes together. Don't you?

Laughter

2010-03-31T23:52:00.000-07:00

Mr. Big: After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.

Are the Best Relationships Rooted in Friendship?

2010-03-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

There's nothing quite like feeling a spark of attraction between you and someone you just met. Lately though, we've (my friends and I- both in AUS and USA) been wondering whether it's better to date a friend, or at least somebody we've known longer than just a couple of weeks, and who knows more about us than just our name and phone number. Sure, the transition from friend-to-boyfriend might feel a little sticky at first, but here are five benefits that overrule the awkwardness:

>1. He's familiar with your bad side.
Let's face it, during the first few months of dating someone new, it's easy to hold yourself together and pretend like you don't have a dark side (everybody has one). You downplay your insecurities in hopes that he won't see you as clingy, and you suppress the fact that you occasionally get moody, jealous, or pointlessly angry. With a friend-to-boyfriend, he's not only aware of your personal weaknesses, but he knows how to respond to them in a way that is constructive to the relationship and to your desire to improve yourself. On that same note, you're already aware of his bad fashion sense, his terrible jokes, and his strange fondness for theatre. Heck, you realize you like him all the more for the quirks you might find annoying in someone else.

2. You're more or less aware of each other's relationship history.
You have probably discussed your past relationships with the ease and honesty that friends share, which means you'll have a very clear idea of what to expect if indeed your pal becomes your main man.

3. You're comfortable with each other.
It takes a few weeks (if not longer) to feel completely relaxed around someone new. Should you eat ice cream from the container in front of him? Should you reveal that you're a twentysomething who still rereads Harry Potter on occasion? When dating someone who started out as a friend, you can skip the neurotic "I need to impress him" phase and go straight to wearing no makeup and nerding out together on Saturdays spent indoors.

4. It's exciting.
Dating a friend might seem less glamorous than falling in love at first sight, but what's more suspenseful than decoding a friend's flirty mixed signals for signs of romantic intentions? If the relationship goes well, you'll be swept away at how a good friend turned out to be an even better boyfriend.

5. There's always something to talk about.
We've all dated someone with whom we spent more time getting hot-and-heavy than in conversation. The moment of truth inevitably arrives during a long car ride, when you have no choice but to put on the radio because the two of you have no common interests. Aren't you ready for someone who still makes for good company even after the passion starts to plateau? Plus, just imagine the energy that you and a friend-turned-boyfriend will share after months (even years!) of pent-up romantic tension.

I know I'm not the only one who might be on to something with this whole dating-a-friend idea. Check out what our lovely First Lady Obama shared with Oprah in The Christmas At The White House special about her marriage with Barack:

I think we have a wonderful marriage. I love my husband. He's my best friend. But I always like to talk honestly about it because I think about other young couples who think there are no struggles to get here. And there are. That's part of it. The message is—work through the struggles. Start out with somebody that you respect and that you trust so that when you hit the bumps that are inevitable you always have that foundation. I tell Barack as mad as he can make me I look at him and I say, 'I really LIKE you. I like you. and I like the way you think and I like the person you are.' It's hard to stay mad too long, when the person is someone you like. (and when your husband is as sexy and successfull as Barack)

Wasting Time

2010-03-28T23:25:00.000-07:00

Whenever I happen to look up from the piles and stacks of work on my desk (aka the living room table), flip through (mostly) bad TV, or go out with friends to a bar where I usually can’t afford more than a house white, the same realization dawns on me time and time again. Everyone is pairing off! …or at least, trying to.

Today’s gimmie gimmie NOW society doesn’t have much patience when it comes to finding a significant other. Casual hook-ups are becoming more and more acceptable, and internet dating is allowing us to meet tons of people in insanely quick succession. With all the opportunities swarming around us, almost every movie or television show we watch featuring a love story, and bestsellers like He’s Just Not That Into You and 365 Proven Ways to Find Love in Less Than a Year giving any and all advice you could ever desire in the area of dating (though my girl Olivia rightly points out such “advice” isn’t always right…or even close to it), it’s hard to imagine a life that doesn’t include a partner.

And while I don’t want to go Dr. Phil on everyone (especially because I hate that man with the power of one hundred suns. What an egotistical geek), I’m willing to conjecture that one of the reasons we’re all so dating-focused is because we’re all so dating focused. Society has made those of us who aren’t in a relationship, and especially those of us who haven’t been in a relationship for a while, feel like a leper on a nudist beach; ostracized and weird and completely undesirable.

Because no one wants to feel like a leper, a lot of people turn to casual dating. Going out a few times with someone you’re just eh or okay about is better than being alone on Friday night, right? Chilling out with someone you have no intention of bringing home to the parents is a step above chilling out with bunny slippers and Discovery channel, right?

For some people, sure. I have lots of friends who do the casual dating thing very well. They enjoy it. And I’ve done it. Sure I have. Even my mom recommended I get out there and “just date!”

But here’s my problem—I don’t like it. It doesn’t make sense to me. In my opinion, going out with someone I don’t really care about is wasting everyone’s time, and God forbid some dude who didn’t care that much decided to date me just because his mother told him he needed to get out more. I’m one of those girls who plays for keeps, or doesn’t play at all.

Because of this desired game plan, and a schedule that often keeps me on the run to the point where I see weekends as opportunities to sleep and eat something that isn’t a meal replacement bar, I have found myself without a relationship for some time. And while I’m pretty good at loving myself, I gotta say, sometimes even I have moments where I’m checking to see if my skin is falling off. (Get it? The leprosy analogy again.)

I’ve gone out with people and nothing has clicked. I’ve fallen in hardcore luv with dudes who didn’t really know I existed, had to say no to guys who felt something when I didn’t, and gone to bars where not one person has been interesting. What does that say about me?

At my lowest, in those half pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream by myself moments, I think it means I’m weird and not hot and destined to be alone forever. During my more lucid moments, I think it means I have standards, know what I want in a man, and am normal.

Just because Carrie Bradshaw dated a new man every night (She also lived in what looked like a 4 million dollar Manhattan apartment on a writer’s salary) doesn’t mean that you have to. Just because some of your friends date around a lot doesn’t mean you’re strange for opting to study or stay home.

No matter what our culture tries to throw at you, ladies, stick to your own standards and beliefs. And always remember that Society is just a smoke screen anyway, an elaborate Pay-No-Attention-To-The-Man-Behind-The-Curtain type of act. If you pulled away those curtains, looked at who was behind those movies and those shows and those books and those magazines, you know what you’d find?

Single, unattached people who feel just as weird about it as you.

Elements

2010-03-24T23:19:00.000-07:00

After discussing with my wise friend Ellen what's important when it comes to love- she replied with " Love is not gazing into each other's eyes- it standing side by side looking in the same direction" I cannot agree more with the brilliance of this statement and wish to expand on it and the ideal partner. Okay, you’re however old you are. I get it. You’re not thinking about settling down.

But it is important to avoid dating complete losers, right? I wish somebody had asked me this- about 8 boyfriends ago!

He’s Got To Have A Good Sense of Humor

Number one. Laughing is so so very important. Because, girls, if he’s cranky and depressive now at the ripe age of what- 22? 23?, imagine how he’ll be in the Real World when he’s actually got Real Life responsibilities. (Read: He’ll suck.) Besides, why would you want to hang around someone who doesn’t make you laugh (or who doesn’t laugh at your jokes)?

He’s Got A Passion

If he says that his passion is you, get out fast. He better have some outside interests or else you’re in trouble. I mean, unless you like clingy men who bug the hell out of you every time you’re not near them and/or go into jealous rages. And you also want to know that he’s really dedicated to something because that shows an eagerness to make a place for himself in this world. If you want to be with a drifting loser, you might as well date the aspiring cameraman or "world-traveler:. If you’re into that, cool, but I say it gets old really fast.

You Share A Lifestyle

Which is not to say you have to do the same things or act the same way or anything like that. Hey, sometimes opposites attract. But if you love a beer or seven down at the pub and he’s adamantly anti-alcohol, you’ll find yourselves fighting over it all the time. There’s no way around that. Unless, of course, you compromise on something you care about and end up resenting each other. Make sure you both understand and respect the things that are important to each other.

Fixer-Uppers Can’t Be Fixed

So don’t bother with someone you think could be cool if you could just help them out with that nasty little credit problem (or whatever). People don’t change unless they want to change. Don’t bother trying.

A Good Reputation

Or at least not a bad reputation. If everyone knows this guy loves ‘em and leaves ‘em, it’s not worth the emotional agony of hoping that this one time he’ll stay true. (Hint: he won’t.)

Attractive Features

That is to say, features you find attractive. If you like him, you’ll find him attractive even if others don’t, and then you should go for it. If you don’t find him attractive, it’ll never work. Really.

Long Term Goals

It almost doesn’t matter what they are, you just want him to have something in mind. This shows maturity. And don’t we want maturity? I mean, maturity means having an understanding of the world and your place within it. I love an ambitious man. I love a successful man. I love a powerful man. I love Bill Clinton-- kidding I mean i do-- but that's not the point.

Don't waste your time and your heart on things you know aren't worth it. Take time to develop and understand yourself better. There are worse things than being single. In fact I don't know if there are better things than being single. Get it? Got it? Good. Date away!

The Invitation

2010-03-23T02:09:00.000-07:00

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Teen Mom

2010-03-01T22:52:00.000-08:00

Throughout the years, MTV has thrown some bizarre ideas for reality shows our way. Some catch the attention of the nation while others fall through the cracks. While watching MTV I often find myself screaming at the TV, “WHAT is the point of this show??” Entertainment value, usually. That is if you can call watching guys pick a date based on the underwear a girl has in her drawer, entertainment. (Thanks, Room Raiders). However, what about the shows that may have actually been created for a real reason?

Let’s rewind. Teen Mom. Yes, like most people, I am intrigued. I am still trying to figure out what Catelynn has that I don’t (besides braces, a trailer, and a 1995 JCPenny homecoming dress) that makes Tyler choose HER over me. SO unfair. But back to my point: as I watched the finale of Teen Mom and the reunion episode with Dr. Drew, I’m really starting to wonder what MTV was trying to do with this show.

Was it for entertainment value? Sure, listening to Gary recite a definition of the word “empathy” during the finale was extremely entertaining, but teen pregnancy is a huge issue; is MTV trying to take a stance? Are they trying to educate teens about the horrors of teen pregnancy? Maybe trying to prevent it? You would think by airing this show, MTV could position themselves as advocates to prevent teen pregnancy and use the show as an education tool, while also providing entertainment.

And if that was the intent, I have a couple issues with how it was seen through.

Personally, I did not find the show realistic. Throughout the season, Farrah was the only teen mom who did not have the baby’s father in the picture. I’m not implying that the other moms are leading ideal lives with their outstanding boyfriends, but Catelynn, Amber, and Maci all got pregnant by their boyfriend at the time. These were guys that they were having consensual sex with regularly. Although Gary and Ryan may go down in history as two of the worst boyfriends ever, throughout the season they are shown trying to make their relationships “work” in the best interest of their new child.

Farrah, on the other hand, although not with the father of her child, lives at home with her mother and father. It is evident that Farrah has grown up pretty fortunately and has an extremely comfortable living situation. The “hardships” Farrah faces include not being able to party with her friends all the time, and not being able to find a boyfriend who is ready to date a girl with a kid. Yes these things might be difficult for her, but in the scheme of teen pregnancy they are quite trivial. Her parents are always there to help out, and support her both emotionally and financially. The same is true for the rest of the teen moms on the show.

If MTV was trying to educate about teen pregnancy and the perils of dealing with it, why not show girls who are even less fortunate? What about the ones out there who are really on their own? There are plenty of girls who come from uneducated, broken families, who get pregnant and have no escape, and no chance at a better life. Some live their whole lives on welfare and in many cases do not know who the father is. My feeling is that MTV chose these specific moms because the typical viewer could relate to them better than a girl whose life has really been ruined by teen pregnancy. If this is the case, then why didn’t MTV even show how truly hard raising a child as a teenager is? There is not one clip throughout the whole season of one of the moms staying up the whole night with a crying baby, or cleaning up vomit. I don’t want to go as far as to say that MTV “glamorized” being a teen mom, but I don’t think the show will leave any viewers thinking “Oh my god, this CANNOT happen to me, I better take precaution.”

And speaking of precaution, MTV never hit on the topic of prevention. I don’t remember any of the girls being interviewed as to why birth control was not used during sex. Was it a one time slip-up with no condom? Too afraid to ask their parents? No resources? These questions never surfaced throughout the season. And furthermore, I find it extremely unrealistic to not mention abortion on the topic of teen pregnancy. The a-word was non-existent throughout the series, but in reality, it is an option. Most people have strong opinions on the subject, being either completely against it or for it. But just because it would have stirred up controversy, does that mean MTV should have ignored it completely? If they wanted to use their power to educate teens and lay all the options on the table, why wasn’t it even mentioned?

So besides making me fall in love with Tyler, what was MTV’s purpose in producing this show? Do you think they portrayed teen pregnancy realistically? Share your thoughts, peeps!

Awkwardness and Your Ex: Inevitable

2010-02-24T10:24:00.000-08:00

Sorry guys, I typed in awkward to Google Image and this is what came up-- pretty awkward! Had to use it. Anyways....

So that's that. It's over. After a year, or a month, three wonderful (or not) weeks or an uncomfortable plate of scrambled eggs at iHop, you and your significant other have called it quits. Maybe you ended it, maybe your beloved called it off, or maybe the magic you two created beneath spilt beer and the ghetto disco ball at Daisy Dukes last night evaporated in the harsh, rainbow glare of morning light.

However the relationship fell apart, there is one thing you two will always have together, and no, it isn't fond memories or chlamydia. For the rest of your time at Texas A&M, it will be awkward between you. Yes, yes, I can assure you of this.

The awkwardness begins immediately post-breakup and will almost certainly rear its ugly head when you least expect it. Whether you discover your ex's email address while trying to log on to facebook.com at WCL, or you are caught off-guard by an obnoxious grin and chuckle from the seat behind you at Valentines Day: The Movie, running into your ex is inevitable and almost always uncomfortable.

Most the time you both dread and pray for these happenstance meetings. You dread seeing him or her with someone else; a happy smile plastered across his face as a result of either being with someone new or the ubiquitous Keystone Light haze.

You fear nothing more than having to watch them arm and arm with their new (admittedly attractive- yet obviously stupid) love interest at the frat house where you're pretty sure the two of you made some hazy memories together.

Yet at the same time, you pray for evidence that he or she feels as miserable as you do. You dream of the moment your ex sees you floating across the Quad arm-in-arm with your very own new special person. Or at the very least, you search for any evidence that he or she still knows you're alive (fingers crossed).

Instead of riding this emotional rollercoaster until you vomit, I think it might be time to accept the awkwardness as a necessary but manageable by-product of a relationship gone sour.

Why not joke about it with your ex? Be careful with this however, sometimes it can be taken to far, especially when you date younger and your ex's maturity level is akin to that of a 9 year old playground bully. You know like in the instance where at every bar or place you see him he comes up and tells you that you look familiar and introduces himself in front of plenty of people that know the demise of your relationship could be likened to World War II. Alternatively, talk about it; maybe start saying hello when your paths cross. At the very least, try having a civil conversation over facebook chat without employing the sad face or the foot-in-mouth face emoticon. Or, if you're over the age of seven, try doing without emoticons entirely.

The initial awkwardness is unavoidable. It might get better with time. Or, it might not. But regardless of whether you graduate still madly in love or have slipped in to somebody else's proverbial cap and gown, take solace in the fact that you will eventually leave both A&M and your ex behind.

In the classic film "Office Space," one of the Bobs explains that it is better to fire people on a Friday because "studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week."

Your time at A&M is like a perpetual Monday. When you let go of your boyfriend/girlfriend/one night stand, there is no weekend escape in sight and no way to avoid the inevitable "incident."

You will run in to him or her, if not today, then tomorrow. And if not tomorrow, then you'll cross paths hung over at late night at Taco-C, your new forever21 top/Polo Oxford with a little bit of queso-goodness on the collar (and chin) because of coordination issues after 7 standard drinks at Logans.

Stop living in fear and realize that awkwardness is completely manageable. As Peter Gibbons once said, "I hope your firings go really, really well."

Goodbye My Lover... Goodbye My Friend: Sober for 20 Days

2010-02-21T21:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a HUGE fan of yours.

As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect Fridays afternoon cocktail, a beer at the game and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of family gatherings).

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone Calls/Text Messages: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night. HAha

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a CGC (Cheesy Gordita Crunch for you novices) with hot sauce (can you say heartburn!) along with a yesterday's cold Little Caeser's and some stale tortilla chips (washed down with warm wine & topped off with a Kit Kat)? I'm an eclectic eater but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do better in my Pilates Kinesiology Class so to improve my balance, BUT I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down to 2 steps at The Tap this past Summer. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Hangovers: Furthermore, these have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. But the 3 PM hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. If the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, grease and aspirin) prior to going to sleep, the hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets (haha yeah right). In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. Until then, I am taking a vow of sobriety until March 10 at 6pm.

Hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your Biggest Fan
Whit

Objectum Sexuality

2010-02-14T11:34:00.000-08:00

There is something about the date February 14th that brings out the “crazy” in all of us single girls.

During any other time of the year, we may be loving single life and having a blast with our friends (or friends for the night…). But then something happens. February rolls around and pink and red decorative hearts start appearing everywhere, sending us into a fit of hysteria. We feel a sense of urgency that suddenly it is not OK to be alone. We consider settling for that weird dude on campus who wears shorts and sandals year round. We shovel down quarts of ice cream, crying to our friends about how no guy will ever love us, and that we may as well become nuns or lesbians.

On every other day we are completely content with our lives, but Valentine’s Day hits and we peg ourselves future cat ladies, destined for lives of misery and fur balls.

But hold on, ladies. No matter how single you are and crazy you feel right now, take solace in the fact that you’ll never stoop this low:

15 pieces of advice

2010-02-10T09:01:00.000-08:00

Now that adulthood is staring me straight in the face, I have decided to give my 23rd year-- my very best shot. Even though the last year has passed entirely too quickly, it feels like just yesterday I was indulging in jello shots and margaritas, looking back, much has happened. It seems I’ve learned a lot while Kelis' milkshake brought all the boys to the yard and Beyonce became "Irreplacable" and the Jersey Shore became a national phenomenon.

So here (in no particular order) is what I know for certain after turning 22. Perhaps you youngsters can take a few things from this:

1. Friendships should make you happy — not pissed off : Friends should be so much more than people you dance on tables with and dish about the weekend to. They should be there for you, and you should be there for them.

2. Northface is overpriced: it's fleece guys. They are often understated and overwhelmingly overlooked when it comes to fashion. But even if they aren’t fashionable, really, you can’t complain when that slicker keeps your from frizzing. Without a rain jacket I wouldn’t have made it through the fury that is bizarre Texas weather. And I think it actually kept me going to class my last two semesters. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? It doesn’t matter if you have a basic from Greek Boutique or a super sexy trench from Dillards, just get one!

3. Do not drink the CapriSuns: Even if the frat-mixed mojitos are watered down and tasting a bit like a dirty dance floor, stay away from the CapriSuns. They are dangerous and you will make mistakes.

4. Do experience a Pimms with Lemonade: Although you probably have never heard of this drink before, Pimms with Lemonade is a pub staple. The Pimms is to Wimbledon, as the mint julep is to the Kentucky Derby. This fresh tasting, fruity cocktail will may be enough to convince you to study abroad for a semester. It’s to die for.

5. Reading is magical: Taking the time to read for pleasure in between reading for class is one of the best ways to relax. This past year, I have rediscovered my love for reading, all while falling in love with some great stories. Need something to restart your love of reading? Read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon.

6. “That’s So You!” It’s important to have your signature piece, be it clothing, music or opinion. This has made my life simpler and more defined.

7. Stay away from frat guys. To say that frat guys don’t have the best reputation is like saying that that I only kinda like Diet Coke. From movies to TV shows to their very own indiscretions, on a scale of douchebaggery, they fall somewhere between Spencer Pratt and Tiger Woods. Trust me. Life is better without them.

8. “Welcome to the real world, she said to me…:” Although the quarter-life crisis often seems inevitable, I have learned that I definitely do not want to go down the John Mayer permanent-existential-life-crisis road. While his never-ending misery will supply good music for more and more years to come (without a doubt), I choose to not dwell. It’s much healthier this way, even if I do enjoy indulging in his misery sometimes.

9. Stop reading beauty magazines: I’ve stopped buying magazines and I feel much more enlightened. Instead, I have stopped giving my $3.99 to advice on how to make a man moan and enjoy the in-depth features in the feminist friendly Bust magazine and or an extra drink at the pub on a Friday night.

10. Give a Little Bit: Helping others is amazing and it makes you feel better than anything else can.

11. To Thine Own Self, Be True: To be a writer, you need to have extremely thick skin. Regardless of what your stance is, someone is always going to go against it and you have to be true to yourself and the piece you are writing. The same goes for all facets of life; you gotta be you and that’s that.

12. Big birthday parties don’t prove anything: Big birthday parties aren’t all that they are cracked up to be. After years of over-the-top Disney birthday, the whole high school teenage hang-out-birthday scene, and the exuberantly drunk and pretentiously planned college birthday, I will take the quiet and intimate birthday dinner over anything else. It’s better to celebrate with those that actually matter.

13. Lady Gaga is a goddess: She’s given us greatness, i.e.: “I’m bluffin’ with my muffin,” disco-bras, “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roman-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!,” and perhaps the greatest line of them, “I’m a free bitch, baby!” Her stage presence is to die for, and her genuine, authentic, down-to-Earth personality (come on, didn’t you see her on Oprah?) is addictive. Plus, I’ve seen a slew of live performances and I have to say, Gaga outperforms the rest with her Monster Ball.

14. Play bar golf at least once. A fun, challenging, often vomit-inducing college sport. ONE OF THE BEST TIMES I'VE EVER HAD IN COLLEGE. Golf attire is mandatory. Go for gold.

15. The Little Things Count: It’s important to relish the little things. In college, so much happens at once, it feels like the world can pass you by – especially once you turn 21 and the end of college seems very near. The most important lesson I’ve learned is to take time doing something you enjoy. It doesn’t matter if you want to get crazy drunk on a Friday night or take an extra art class, but do what gives you the most pleasure. Make more time for Grey's Anatomy wine nights. Make time for more sex. Make time to cook dinner with your roommates. Just make time! As each year goes by, it is also important to look back to see what you’ve learned (whether it’s good, bad, ugly, or silly).

If I were....

2010-02-09T20:00:00.000-08:00

if i were a month, i'd be may.

if i were a day of the week, i'd be saturday.

if i were a time of day, i'd be twilight.

if i were a sea animal, i'd be an orca.

if i were a tree, i'd be a jacaranda.

if i were a tool, i'd be a paintbrush.

if i were a flower, i'd be a tiger lily.

if i were a kind of weather, i'd be a warm summer night.

if i were a color, i'd be coral pink.

if i were a fruit, i'd be a berry.

if i were an element, i'd be earth.

if i were a food, i'd be prepared by Neil Perry.

if i were a place, i'd be balmoral beach.

if i were a material, i'd be houndstooth, like my redlands school skirt.

if i were a scent, i'd be seattle in the springtime.

if i were a song, i'd be iris by the goo goo dolls.

Bad Advice: Get Married. Right Now!

2010-01-29T23:19:00.000-08:00

Meet Lori Gottlieb. She’s a 40-year-old single mother—she got artificially inseminated because she wanted to have a baby but didn’t have a boyfriend—who has discovered the secret to why more women aren’t married: their standards aren’t low enough.

No, seriously. Gottlieb recently expanded this 2008 article from the Atlantic into a full-length book called Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Her basic premise? Modern women all have “checklists” for their potential life partners, and we’re too quick to dismiss guys who don’t necessarily satisfy all of those requirements. So in order to avoid being single and, therefore, miserable in our 40s, women in their 20s like you and me should forget searching for Mr. Right and, instead, make do with Mr. Good Enough.

Don’t worry if this advice sounds ridiculously retro—Gottlieb freely admits that she’s telling women to ignore modern ideas about male/female relations because, as she says at the beginning of her book’s third chapter, “feminism has completely f*cked up my love life.” All that talk about “freedom” and “choice”—yes, she actually puts those words in quotation marks—is a bunch of hooey because, as opposed to what Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan would have you believe, women really do need to get married and have lots of babies in order to be fulfilled: “The truth was, every one of my single friends wanted to be married, but none of us would admit how badly we craved it for fear of sounding weak or needy or, God forbid, antifeminist,” Gottlieb writes.

Excuse me for just a minute—AAAARRRRGGGGG!!! This crap is so ludicrous that I can only express my anger in capital letters and multiple exclamation points. I can immediately think of about fifty things that are totally wrong with Gottlieb’s thought process, but I’ll spare all of you and just mention what I think are her most glaring errors:

1) How can this lady seriously make a blanket statement like “If you say you’re not worried [about getting married], either you’re in denial or you’re lying”? How can she possibly believe that every single woman on the face of the Earth must, without exception, ultimately aspire to be a wife and mother? Her most basic assumption is incredibly insulting—especially to girls our age, who are in a better position than any women before us to really do whatever we want with our lives. (That is, unless your current goal is to be a marketing co-ordinator in financial services with a starting salary of 90,000…)

2) And on that note—do any real women really keep the sort of extensive checklists Gottlieb assume we all have? I’ve got maybe three qualities that I look for in a guy (reasonably good-looking, not dumber than me, good sense of humor)… and I might even be able to let two of them slide if a dude was funny enough. Gottlieb hews closely to the age-old stereotype that women are uniformly demanding, stubborn, and delusional. What year is it, again?

3) This book makes lowering expectations and learning to be content with what you can get the woman’s burden exclusively. Women have to settle, says Gottlieb, but men—even the fat, balding, boring dudes the author is recommending we settle for—can get with whoever they want because all chicks are desperate. Again: so insulting I can barely find the words to describe it.

4) Maybe the craziest part of all this is that for all her sage wisdom, Gottlieb herself isn’t married. She’s basing her entire philosophy on a hypothetical idea: if she had settled, maybe she would be happier now because maybe she would be in a dull but stable relationship. Gottlieb is talking about marriage like she understands it intimately, but how much of an authority can she really be? Would you ask someone allergic to dogs for tips on how to train your Retrieverr? Yeah, didn’t think so.

The bottom line: I would never want to be in a relationship with someone if I found out that we were only together because he had decided to “settle” for me—and I’m guessing that a guy would feel the same way. Imagine how devastated your boyfriend or fiancé would be if he found a copy of this book on your bedside table. I’ve got an idea for a title for your next book, Lori Gottlieb: The Case for Modern-Day Misogyny.

Unfortunately, it’d probably be a bestseller.

Amoebae.... Among Other Things....

2010-01-24T21:54:00.000-08:00

So I started talking to this guy over the summer. I had known him awhile but recent circumstances lead to more frequent contact and the realization that we actually got along pretty well. He seemed to be nice enough, and mostly funny too- which i dunno about you-- but I am a sucker for a comedian. We even had quite a few mutual friends.

He started to text me everyday and sometimes we would chat on Facebook; you know the drill. I saw him again at the bar; he asked me if I had any book recommendations (another thing I am a sucker for-- the inquisitive type), invited me to a party, I invited him over for dinner yadda, yadda, yadda. (Insert obnoxious movie montage of cute bonding scenes here.)

It wasn’t a head-over-heels situation, but the boy was nice enough. I enjoyed talking to him, I looked forward to seeing him l, and it was just nice to have a guy pursuing me. Every girl loves that.

But then, the texts began to slow- and he sort of just disappeared. Like completely. He stopped texting me as frequently and chatting online with me. I never even ran into him anymore. No matter how hard I suddenly started to try.

And then as girls inevitably do, I began obsessing. I’d log onto Facebook 20 times a day (as opposed to my usual 19) and check to see if he’d been on. Or added new photos. Or had some new girl writing on his wall. I’d keep my cell phone on uber loud and jump across the room when it blared, feeling my heart sink when it was just a text from my mom.

Saying these things out loud (or typing them for the world to see) is embarrassing, because I am generally a (somewhat) rational person. But I just got too caught up in the whole situation to pull back and look at it rationally. If I had, maybe I would have noticed that I didn’t really like this kid. What I liked was being pursued and now that it was no longer happening, it stung.

It is one of the more confusing aspects of being a single girl; the moment that a guy starts being unavailable, we find ourselves convinced that he is our soul mate and become frantic to talk to him again. We confuse our feelings, letting our pride get in the way. We want so badly to be liked that we muddle our desire to be pursued and loved, and the desire to be with that person. Soon we’re planning a wedding to a kid who won’t even Facebook chat us when we’re both online. The same kid that we weren’t totally into just a few weeks before.

Eventually we stop. Some of us get so worked up, have a mini breakdown, call him 17 times and give up. Others, like myself,
overreact when we hear from them and send reply messages to late night texts from the douche that liken themselves to this (bear in mind he deserved it) :

" I would rather scratch my eyes out until I cried blood than invite you over tonight. I would like very much if you never wore that fugly hat to the bar again and would prefer that you slip into something more comfortable ... like a coma. Get off your ass- get a job, go to school or do something with your life- because right now you're about as useless as tits on a bull. The daily activities of an amoeba rival yours. What you need is a cold hard dose of reality. Continue to rot in your own flesh- as really it's the only thing you've proven to be good at. Please never text me again. Goodbye and Goodnight"

A little dramatic? Perhaps. Completely liberating? Absolutely! The next morning I inevitably woke up (damnit! JK) and realized that I had gotten so caught up in wondering if he liked me that we had forgotten to ask the most important question of all: Do we like him? The answer was a big FAT NO!

We forget that our opinion matters too! Dating is a two-way street and we can’t forget that our feelings count. We can’t let our pride get the best of us and dictate our actions. In order to lead a happier (and saner) single girl life, we have to stop, evaluate, and separate our feelings for him from our feelings for our shattered ego.

Easier said than done, right?

2010-01-16T23:48:00.000-08:00

The first time I walked into H&M, I blacked out for an hour and lost myself in their full, cheap, and cute racks of clothing. You mean I can buy this dress, shoes, and a scarf for only that much? Thank you H&M, now I can go buy that strawberry donut I was willing to sacrifice for a pair of shoes. It seems I had gone to heaven in the form of a clearance rack.

H&M became my go-to for all things trendy. And when I say “go-to” I mean “go-t0-on-a-weekly-basis.” That is, until I heard some interesting and rather disturbing news that has me second guessing my love affair.

Recently, it has been discovered H&M has been slashing unsold clothing items and throwing them in the trash. And not just a few imperfect items; bags upon bags of this stuff were found in a dumpster behind their flagship Manhattan store. Items in the H&M trash bin included gloves with the fingers cut off, shoes with the instep cut-out, and warm jackets with fiber fill pouring out its slashed sides.

All of these items were in perfect condition (prior to someone taking scissors to them, of course).

The fact that H&M is not donating these valuable items to charity is wasteful and just plain disgusting. Especially for a company that boasts to be “committed to taking responsibility for how our operations affect people and the environment. We donate garments that do not meet our quality requirements to organizations such as UNHCR, Caritas, the Red Cross and Helping Hands. When possible, we also donate faulty garments that have been returned to our stores.” Sounds respectable, H&M, but the last time I checked dumpsters weren’t Red Cross donation bins. And I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter how many sustainable materials you’re incorporating into your designs when you’re just tossing it all into garbage dumps.

H&M may claim these actions will “preserve brand integrity” and prevent people from selling their clothing on eBay, but,really, is slashing clothing the humane thing to do right now? Not only are we in a very serious recession which has left many people with nothing, but it also happens to be freezing outside especially in NYC. I’m sure there are plenty of needy people would could have benefited from that coat you hacked. And, let’s be real for a second, it’s not like any of us are waltzing into H&M looking for a one-of-a-kind ensemble. The store mass produces their clothing at a cheap price; who really cares about brand integrity?

Excuses are running thin for H&M, considering all of the options they have to rid of the clothing (rotating stock, improving marketing for special events to clear the shelves, and , duh, actually donating their clothes!).

Don’t get me wrong – I love marching into H&M and snagging uber cute clothes on the cheap. But knowing this makes me think twice about prancing out of the store with a bag full of purchases. I’m just not sure I can support a company that doesn’t support those who need help the most.

What about you? Is a good sale too much to pass up? Or are you going to think twice about shopping at H&M?

Found this while persuing around Craigslist, Entitled: From an Old Woman to a Young Woman

2010-01-04T22:13:00.000-08:00

1. You are not a victim. No matter what happens to you, don't take the wussy route and blame the world for your misfortune. If you were sexually assaulted, verbally abused, etc and lived to tell about it; take your pain and help those who need it. Writing emo poetry isn't going to solve anything.

2. Invest in your education first, your looks second. Anyone can pay a plastic surgeon to look hot, but not everyone can read a book and do simple math.

3. No matter what you call it, having a 'man to take you shopping' is glorified prostitution. He wants you for your body, you want him for his wallet. Cut the crap and call it what it is.

4. Do not seek confidence in other people. Magazines, celebrities and most pop influences are there to make you feel like you're nothing. Don't buy into it. Those celebrities need your money to look fabulous. Invest in yourself, not hype.

5. Stop fueling gossip mongers [Perez Hilton, TMZ.]. They have nothing to talk about and if you follow them for long, neither will you.

6. Be modest; why have all your goods unwrapped and leave nothing for the imagination?

7. Know the difference between fucking and love. There is a major difference and if you don't know it, pick up a book or ask someone who does.

8. Do not have children just because you're lonely or insecure. Your child will end up hating you for it and you won't get the emotional blanket you hoped you'd get.

9. Get a job. Seriously. Just because you're a woman doesn't mean that you are excused from work. Find a trade, get a job. If you are a house wife, be a good one. If you are a career woman, put your heart into what you do.

10. A respectable companion is rarely at a 'bar' or da club'. These places are meat markets and will only set you up for a douchebag or a wimp. If you go, refer to rule 7.

11. Learn to cook. Cooking is a dying skill that needs not be. You'd be surprise how much weight you lose and how you can get a decent companion if you know more than picking up a phone and calling for dinner.

12. Get off your phone. If it's not your best friend, your job or your family, your cackling is not important and the rest of the world does not want to hear it. Listen more. Talk less.

13. Stop putting so much of your money into things [purses, shoes, make up] and start putting it into a savings account, a 401k or an IRA. Those shoes are not going to vest when you turn 65.

14. Stop using men to get you stuff. Have some self respect and buy your own drinks, meals and entertainment. A date will respect you more if you show them you are not helpless.

15. Perfume and baby powder does not make up for good hygiene. Shower, do your laundry, clean your place. Body odor is not excusable for either genders.

16. If you are a Lesbian, respect yourself and stop trying to find acceptance in the world. 9/10 they will not accept you. Tell them 'fuck you' and be your own woman.

17. If you are a Lesbian, you are not anymore special or important than anyone else. You love other women and you have that right, but do not flex your preference thinking it makes you unique. Your mind and experiences make you unique, either gay or straight.

18. Buy clothes that fit. Be tasteful with your clothing be you big or small.

19. Don't eat for comfort, vomit to make yourself beautiful, and starve yourself to feel loved. Exercise, be sensible with your food choices, don't deprive yourself but never eat too much. The quickest way to a size 30, and to the grave, is past your teeth.

20. If they say the love you, ask them to earn your heart through good deeds, genuine kindness and respect.

21. Romance is not dead; but if you're not willing to give it, don't expect it in return.

22. Stop being a bitch to other women and other people. If you are not happy, go get therapy. No one deserves to be berated because you don't have the guts to berate yourself.

23. Do something new every day. Pole dance to learn about your sensuality, paint to express your creativity, write a blog to express your soul. Evolve and never stop learning.

24. Look in the mirror everyday and smile at what you see.

25. Stay safe. Learn to defend yourself against one or multiple attackers. Jackals do not attack if they see a big stick. If all else fails, run. There is no shame in running if it keeps you safe.

26. Love yourself. Always. When you love yourself to the fullest, the world will open with opportunities

Am I getting old or are frat parties not really fun anymore?

2009-12-30T00:03:00.000-08:00

Two days into freshman year I went to my first frat party. Walking into the Greek lettered doors made me feel like I had just stepped onto a movie set. Everyone had red solo cups! Everyone was dancing, wearing togas and having oodles of fun! And Oh my god! Is that a shot block!? Yeah, best night of my life....or so my naive freshman mind thought.

Regardless, for the next two years I lived and loved the open frat parties. I thought our love affair would never end…and then, this past weekend we broke up. Now, I still enjoy the small frat mixers but the crazy parties, have gotten…well, old. “Why? What could be better than living in an animal house world?” You ask.

Well, here are my top five answers.

The abundance of scantily clad freshmen. Sure, I was once a freshman myself, and being away from home and being able to wear and do whatever you want is exciting, but eventually you will regret wearing a bandana-sized piece of cloth as a top. And I’m all for sex and I’m all for dancing but do you really need to attempt both simultaneously on the dance floor in front of everyone? It seems these open parties contain about 80% girls and about 75% of those are freshmen girls. Trust me ladies, the body shot phrase will get old, and I’m over watching it.

One word: Keystone. Really guys, Keystone Light, at every party? Keystone has got to be one of the grossest, cheapest liquids ever created. I compare it to paying money for piss. Spring for something a few notches higher. I’m not saying I expect margaritas to be blended before my eyes (although that would be amazing) but there are better beverages out there than Keystone. PLEASE switch it up! Get some class, guys.

Intense heat. Two-hundred dancing drunks leads to temperatures close to two-hundred degrees…thereby creating two-hundred sweating dancing drunks. It’s simple math really. Why can’t these guys get a fan or two? Or some AC? How about just opening a window? When the place starts to smell and everyone’s make up is melting I’m ready to peace (which ironically is around the time I walk in the door).

Bathroom lines It seems like all frats have some kind of rule about having only two working toilets. Inevitably everyone has to pee at some drunken point and when the line winds up and down stairs I’m ready to pop a squat outside (the grass is also a lot cleaner) or as my sorority sister did- across the street in the Tri-Delt parking lot. Standing in a line for an hour to use a dirty, smelly bathroom, isn’t my idea of a hot Saturday night.

Bouncers? Seriously? Lately it seems like frats have themselves confused with hoppin’ NYC night clubs. The lists, the tickets, the bouncers at the doors…Safety is great, but something tells me that these moves are more about persona than safety. Last weekend I actually had my school ID checked at the door, by a 40 year old bouncer. You guys are definitely not cool enough to need bodyguards and bouncers. Sorry, you aren’t Johnny Depp and this isn’t worth it anymore…

5 sex facts that will make you want to both vom and then protect yourself.

2009-12-29T23:42:00.000-08:00

It always shocks me when conversations regarding safe sex come up and many of my fellows students really have no idea what the hell they are talking about. Luckily- I am pretty well versed in safe sex practices (thanks to a lot of progressive legislation) and have remained proudly STD free and pregnancy free my entire life. :)

As a reminder to both men and women, these are a few little known facts that I thought I would share. Beware, as these tidbits may scare you away from sex for life (or at least for the night).

1. In order for a woman's birth control to be 99.7% effective, she must take it every day within 30 minutes of the same time.

Apparently, the hormones that make you temporarily infertile only work for 24 straight hours. According to Susan (the nurse practitioner), you should be okay if you miss the time by 1 hour. If you miss more than that, however, you should use condoms for at least a week. Guys- this means that you should always be wrapping it up- because you never know how regular she is about taking it. PLUS (and maybe even more importantly) it protects you from nasty, harmful and potentially life altering (death or inability to have children) diseases.

2. If you don’t take birth control at the same time every day, the effectiveness is only around 90%.

For all of you that have taken statistics, that means you have an 10% chance of getting preggers. Let me say that clearer: the chance of you having a small person come out of you in 9 months is 26 times higher if you don’t take your b.c. regularly. Noooo thank you.

3. Some STDs, especially HIV, have an incubation period of up to 6 months.

That means that even if you are negative for the disease today, you won’t be in the clear until you have another negative test 6 months from now. And that only applies if you haven’t engaged in any high-risk sexual activity. In short, make him wrap it up.

4. You can get HIV from any oral sex act (and obviously from vanilla aka vaginal or anal)

Hence- you're never really safe.

5. Alcohol and drugs can weaken your immune system, making you more susceptible to infection.

Yes kids, that includes STDs and other icky things. I can also testify that being drunk makes having sex, especially enjoyable sex, just that much more difficult to maneuver. What’s more, alcohol and drugs can also impair your judgment and make you do things you may regret in the morning. Who knew right?

Dream Guys That Deserve a Pass

2009-12-24T00:58:00.000-08:00

Ah my dream guy, I think about him a lot in my English class every Tuesday and Thursday, he is smart, tall, handsome, genuine, sincere, almost as hilarious and smart as me (but not quite), and the list goes on until he is well, perfect. (Note: Not the guy to the left.)

I know, I know, there is no such thing as the “perfect” guy, but there is nothing wrong with having a list of qualities (doesn’t pick his nose, reads the newspaper, will rub my shoulders at the snap of my fingers) that I want in a potential boyfriend right? Right.

I have started to realize that while focusing so much on the type of guy I DO want (Has Jake Gyllenhaal broken up with Reese yet?!) perhaps I haven’t realized that there are certain types I DON’T. Things that maybe weren’t even a blip on my guy-dar and if not heeded could end up blowing up in my face.

So here it is ladies: The Guys Not Worth Taking to date parties, Dating, Marrying and the like:

Never date a dude who has no friends. At first, this rule seems a bit odd- if he has no friends, he will be close to me and only me! How wonderfully fantastic!! That is until you realize… There is a reason he has no friends. No friends usually means the guy is a weirdo, gayface frak or the guy is unable to be intimate or close to anyone… yes, even you.
Besides, that means you will always feel guilty leaving him alone and friendless on a girls night out.

Never date a mama’s boy. I can tell you from first hand experience (sorry ex bf) ... these are the boys are the WORST. Sure, you want someone close to his family. But someone who needs to call his mother to consult where you should go for dinner? Or everything my mom does is the right way-- and you're not doing it the right way!! Never a good sign. Ever. Ditch the dude who is constantly consulting or comparing his mother to you. There is a fine line between close and creepy (and pathetic. And annoying. Oh and did I say pathetic?)

Never date a guy who lets you make all the decisions, allll the time. You want someone who will sometimes counter your opinions and demands. But not all. “It’s good to have a doormat in the home (APT 401-- we should probably get one of these), but not if it’s your boyfriend”

Never date a guy with no sense of humor. Let’s face it; (sadly) not every guy you meet makes you pee in your pants at dinner (literally) from laughing so hard. But someone who can never laugh at himself if he falls? Or make a joke? Or find humor in a situation? Or laugh at The office?! Not only is that a boring relationship- but it will make it a brutal one. Who wants to date a Danny Downer allll the time. No. Thank. You.

Never start dating a guy thinking you can change him. Been there, done that. Don’t think that all he needs to do is fall head over heels in love with you and then he will change his hard partying ways, will become overly romantic, stop smoking pot every night with his buddies or stop flirting with other girls when he’s drunk, because "baby-- its just part of my personality". People remain the same the majority of the time and you are just setting yourself up for headaches and heartbreak if you think and hope otherwise. You're the rule- not the exception.

Never date a guy who is 1000% your opposite. Sure we all know that Paula Adbul believes that “Opposites Attract” but lets face it, our dear Paula is going through yet another breakup (not to mention the video features her dancing with a cartoon cat… hmmm.) I’m not saying to date your clone- opposites can be good, but, like splurging on a diet- the key is in moderation. (ex: I blast Britney and he wants Metallica (icky icky).) In general- take a good look at his character, are his goals, morals, values and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? Does he have the character traits that you think make him a guy of quality? Traits that are important to you and that you believe you have as well? If you are patient, willing to forgive and easy going and he is anal (hahaha), blows up every time he’s angry and holds grudges- you may find yourself quickly not-so-attracted to all his opposites.

So there you have it- the guys not worth your while. So, add that up with the list of the guy you do want and well, some may say you’re being picky- I think particular sounds better. And fancier. After all, you deserve the best right? Right.

We've All Been There: The Morning After .....

2009-12-24T00:49:00.000-08:00

Oh what a night.

From the pre-party to the bar to waking up next to that that guy you've been "talking" to, it was a good one. A great one. A night that is meant to be shared. A night that is meant to be remembered. A night that requires your roommates’ pictures to help in the remembering.

But, man do you feel like hell this morning. You wake up, throw on some sweats (and throw the boy out), and head down to the kitchen for a much-needed ice water and about 6 advil. It’s early – you never can sleep in after a long night of drinking – so you tip toe through the house.

When you stumble out of your room, though, you hear some commotion occurring by the back door. You see roommate number two sneaking her late night lover out the back door in the same way that Koreans try and sneak their weird meats and vegetables in through customs (read: not very inconspicuously). Then in the kitchen you hear roommate three arguing with the coffee pot and roommate four waiting for you on the couch. Apparently they can’t sleep in either.

Eventually number 3 hands you a mug of coffee. Oh sweet bliss.

Everyone is still wearing their makeup from the night before, which only complements the giant black circles under their eyes. As you sit down and start sipping on your coffee, you get a knock on the door. Luckily nobody has to get up because in our drunken stupor/ passion you forgot to lock the front door. Your 5th roommate ( not really but she wishes she lives here) walks into the house, still wearing her party dress and jewelery from the night before. Her heels are in her hand. Her neck is covered in hickeys, her hair is awkwardly leaning to the left and she has the word "Corner" stamped to the left side of her face- backwards so we know it used to be on her hand.

You notice a pile of cameras on the table. Next to them, empty shot glasses and dried up lime wedges. The thought of tequila shots sends shivers down your spine as you flash back to the night before.

“So….” One of your roommate’s looks to you for your story. And so it begins.

You regale your roommates with tales of your late night adventures: how you started talking to the boy, the line you used to get him to come home with you (“Are you Canadian”), and how good (or bad) his makeout skills were. You give them every little detail – the kind of stuff you can only share with these girls – in between much needed gulps of coffee.

Then it’s your roommate’s turn to share her stories. And then the next.

You all pass the cameras around, filling in the gaps and holes of the evening. You laugh at the 1,276 selfies you took, the videos that you thought were pictures and the gross guys that tried hitting on everyone at the bar. You compare late-night eating horror stories (”So that’s where all my spinach dip went??”), and make fun of the late-comer who is still wearing her bar outfit.

“I mean, really, who the hell still gives hickeys?!”

Before you know it, it is 4pm, you are all still sitting around in your PJs, and you know way more about some random dude’s kissing abilities than you ever thought you should. You run through Laynes, Firehouse Subs or if you're really hungover you order a pizza and flip for who has to answer the door. Then spend the rest of the day chilling on the couch until it’s time to get up, get ready and do it all again.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. The morning-after recap is the best.

The Ultimate Double Standard

2009-12-24T00:47:00.000-08:00

Slut. Whore. Easy. Lush. Tart. Loose.

No, not listing my nicknames (hahah). Just writing down a few adjectives usually used to describe girls who get around. Girls who aren’t rigid when it comes to sharing a bed. Girls who are getting more ass than a lot of us.

I grew up whispering those names just as much as everyone else around me. She’s such a slut! I’d say, watching some chick walk down the hall. Apparently she went home with him, I’d sneer, doesn’t it bother her to be so easy?

But then I grew up a little, got out of a long term relationship, and found myself in the shark infested waters of a college town. Dating here is basically akin to pinball; people bouncing off one another until they land inside a nice cozy pocket and rotate around for a while, or bang off obstacle after obstacle, never getting anything more than a headache. Finding a strong relationship here is like finding a pair of shorts that actually make your legs look good (note: I don't really believe in shorts for women as a concept-- though this is getting better).

(Okay. Two analogies in a row. Onward.)

The more I started dating, and the better I got to know myself, the more I started to question those tricky adjectives. In the year 2009, we’re still calling girls who like sex sluts, while guys who like sex are just…guys who like sex? What’s so bad about liking sex anyway? What’s so bad about sleeping with a lot of guys?

On a recent outing, I got into a conversation with a dude who—besides thinking he was much, much cooler than he actually was—claimed he had slept with between “20 to 100 women”. Now, I think he was lying. I really do. It’s not like I was sitting across the bar from Brad Pitt. But the thing that struck me was that to him, this statement of massive sexing was actually something to brag about. It was a way to get someone else to sleep with him. Had the tables been turned, and had I been the one bragging about such conquests, I’m not sure it would work the same way.

Which is weird. Obviously, Double Standard is still hanging around.

Alright, twist my arm. I’ve made a mistake or two(I never sleep with someone I’ve just met. Need at least three dates to make sure they’re not psychotic), and I can’t say I really regret any of them. Were they awesome? Most of the time, no. But were they horrible and did they scare me for life? Nope. Quite possibly I would do it again, should I find myself with someone attractive who’s got a personality I happen to admire.

Guys aren’t the only ones who sleep with people casually (obviously, since you usually need two people to make sex interesting), and now that we can see that even for the ladies "love" isn't always a necessary component for shackin up, it seems like the whole Slut thing is going to need to be rethought.

Obviously there’s much more to this whole conversation, but maybe a starting point is the words themselves. Maybe, as women, we shouldn’t be so quick to judge each other. As satisfying as it might be to get revenge or spit out jealousy, those words really don’t do anything but keep the Double Standard around and kicking.

Act like a prize and you'll turn him into a believer.

2009-12-20T22:42:00.000-08:00

Women need to understand that men love the chase and are highly competitive creatures that love stupid things like racing cars, engaging in athletics, making bets and hunting for wild beasts. The very same "cat and mouse game" that we women find so completely frustrating is actually quite thrilling to our male counterparts. You see, for a women- the objective is very often a committed relationship (read: the destination), but for men, the road trip ON THE WAY to the destination is often the most fun.

In this post I am going to teach you how to play hard to get.

You must understand ladies that when a man wants something- he WILL go after it, and if he has to go after it- he'll want it even more. If he doesn't succeed right away, he starts to crave it. It captures his interest and excites his imagination. While everybody likes the occasional freebie-- I think we can all agree that nobody ever RESPECTS a freebie. It's like a game of blackjack. If he wins big right away-- he's done for the night. If you sleep with him right away- he's done forever- or until he's horny on a Saturday night and his other booty calls didn't answer. But with the slow win, things develop differently. He wins a few hands- then loses a couple. At this point, his inborn competitive male nature kicks in. Winning is so close-- he can almost taste it.

Imagine he goes on a hunting trip with the boys. Sounds awful already- I know. They go for a whole week. He sleeps in a grungy sleeping bag gets gnawed on by mosquitos, eats food that prison inmates wouldn't touch. All for what again...? THE HUNT! The if he actually kills a buck, pig, moose or bird he comes home prouder than a peacock with new feathers and wants to hang the carcass on the wall (watch out the hunter is now a decorator-- NO THANKS eww). There is a very valuable lesson in this common metaphorical scenario. If you were to drop the dead moose, buck, bird or pig on his doorstep he would want nothing to do with it. It could be the exact same moose, pig, buck or bird that he had hunted and yet it would have a totally different effect on him. THIS, my friends, is how the pursuit affects his interest in women. When a woman chases a man, it has the same effect as if she were to deliver a dead buck, moose etc to his front door.

Ladies, it's time to be dumb like a fox. While the objective of dating is not to be mean- it is to give him the thrill of the chase by taking it slowly and letting him "be the man." So - for next time, just when your guy thinks he's finally making some progress- that he has you right where he wants you- kindly remind him that you aren't under his thumb- that in fact you are a prize- a prize to be won by many willing and eager gentlemen. Because... If you act like a prize- you'll turn him into a believer. Swear! :)

Know Justice, Know Peace: Ending the illegal occupation of Iraq

2009-12-18T23:45:00.000-08:00

Included below is an interesting link regarding the US occupation of Iraq that I found the other day. The woman that begins speaking about halfway through is Dahlia S. Wasfi. She is an Iraqi American activist who has spoken out against the war in Iraq and other US Military activity. Wasfi was born in New York to a Jewish-American mother, and a Muslim-Iraqi father. She spent her early childhood in Iraq, which was then under Saddam Hussein. In 1977, she returned with her family to the United States. She graduated from Swarthmore College in 1993 with a B.A. in biology, and from the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine in 1997.

This is the transcript from Dahlia Wasfi's speech to Congress at the Iraq forum.

Since WWII, 90% of the casualties of war are unarmed civilians. A third of them children.
Our victims have done nothing to us. From Palestine to Afghanistan to Iraq and Somalia to wherever our next target may be, their murders are not collateral damage, they are the nature of modern warfare.
They do not “hate us because of our freedom”.
They hate us because everyday we are funding and committing crimes against humanity.
The so-called “War on Terror” (Overseas Contingency Operation) is a cover for our military aggression to gain control of the resources of Western Asia.
This is sending the poor of this country to kill the poor of those Muslim countries. This is trading blood for oil. This IS genocide, and to most of the world WE are the terrorists.
In these times REMAINING SILENT ON OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO THE WORLD AND IT’S FUTURE IS CRIMINAL.
… our so-called enemies in Afghanistan, Iraq, Palestine or other colonies around the world and our inner cities here at home, are struggling against the oppressive hand of EMPIRE, demanding respect for their humanity.
They are labeled “insurgents” or “terrorists” for resisting rape and pillage by the white establishment, but they are our brothers and sisters in the struggle for justice.
The civilians at the other end of our weapons don’t have a choice. But American soldiers have choices. And while there may have been some doubt 5 years ago, today we know the truth.
Our soldiers don’t sacrifice for duty, honor, country. They sacrifice for Kellogg, Brown, and Root.
They don’t fight for America, they fight for their lives and their buddies beside them because WE put them in a war-zone.
They are not defending our freedoms, they are laying the foundations for permanent military bases to defend the “freedoms” of EXXON Mobile and British petroleum.
They are not establishing democracy, they are establishing the basis for an economic occupation to continue after the military occupation has ended.”

Reclaiming the F-Word: Thoughts on the Future of Feminism

2009-12-15T07:01:00.000-08:00

The reasons cited for postfeminism always include statistical evidence that varies in topic but ranges from the number of women in tertiary educational institutions to greater flexibility in previously gendered professions (women in construction) to women’s ability to sue for sexual harassment to increases in women’s athletic involvement. There is no denying that since Simone De Beauvoir penned, “ The Second Sex” in 1949 women have indeed come a long way. It is not uncommon for recent media headlines to declare women the victors in the battle of the sexes with titles ranging from, Time magazine’s “The Male Minority” to The Seattle Times’ “New Study Shows Girls Surging Past Boys Academically.” Indeed the belief that we are far from postfeminism goes hand and hand with being a Women’s Studies minor, however this is not the case for the majority of women that make up my peer group. For them, the word feminist connotates the unfeminine, ugliness, being butch, being a a “femi-nazi,” hating men, or an outdated term that is no longer needed. It seems that “feminism,” instead of changing with the movement, remains at a standstill becoming one of the many hurdles in the way of a collective contemporary women’s movement. What’s so ironic however, is that when the same women of my peer group are asked about specific women’s issues that range from the wage gap to campus rape statistics it seems that there is still strong support for the ideals set forth by feminism. So, where do we go from here? If the label “feminist” deters women from engaging in important issues, should we move beyond the term? Because at the same time my peers and I debate the limitations of the term, our sexual and social landscape, our rights and freedom, are actively being shaped... and unfortunately, not by us.
A central tenet in postfeminism ideology rests in that fact that women now make up the majority of the workforce (Shriver Report). Due to the combination of the nuclear family’s financial need and the efforts of second wave feminists, women nowadays participate in practically every area of the workforce in unprecedented numbers. Unfortunately, the idealist image that paints more women in the workforce as evidence that we are postfeminism is quickly shattered with one worn out fact: the wage gap. The wage gap is hard evidence that a postfeminist society is a myth. In many respects women have come along since the beginning of the movement, unfortunately pay isn’t one of them. When we consider that women earned 60 cents for every dollar a man made when the Equal Pay Act was signed in 1963 and that today woman earn 77 cents for every dollar a man makes the need for feminist action becomes rather apparent. It may seem absurd that in these modern times employers can still pay women less than men for the same job, but this tradition stems as far back as the beginning of capitalism and the industrial revolution. The capitalist tradition relies heavily on conceptions of heteronormativity and the nuclear family. The “family wage” is normally associated with the arrangement of the nuclear family; man is the primary wage earner and woman is the domestic caretaker. According to a feminist appropriation of Marx, capitalism depends on the unpaid labor of women and therefore dictates that their priorities are first and foremost in the home. However, because the capitalist model also designates women as part of a reserve army of labor, when tough economic situations arise women take on part time jobs that typically offer no benefits and lower wages in addition to their domestic duties. Though the assumption that all women are married or parents seems rather archaic, society continues to hold the view that woman's income is optional and that her earnings are supplementary to her husbands’. As a consequence, women’s wages remain low which in turn renders women into a fixed state of dependence. The continued and widespread use of sexist stereotypes regarding women’s marital status and their traditional role in society (as designated by capitalist tradition) to justify that they should be paid less than men positively suggests that we do no live in a postfeminist world.
The growing feminization of the workforce is directly related to women’s enrollment in tertiary educational institutes. With more women on campus it would seem that sexual assault statistics would decrease or at the very least remain static. Not so, according the National Victims Center, which reports that 25 percent of college women have been or will be sexually assaulted. This is a staggering statistic that, when applied to the same group of women who actively reject the feminist label means 1 in 4 of my friends will be directly affected. Universities are becoming increasingly aware that the safety of their female students is at risk, but hidden in their solutions is the age old notion of victim blaming. As an example, Texas A&M University implemented a twenty-four hour Corps Escort Service for persons that felt their safety was in jeopardy. On the surface level this solution seems appropriate, but when we take a closer examination it seems that the university completely disregards the actual problem and hands the responsibility of “protecting women” to a group of young, militant men. While the intentions are, in all likelihood, good, it seems that women would much rather attend a university where their safety didn’t depend on the ironic notion of protection from men by men. Is it too much to finally admit that violence is by and large a gendered crime? When will discussions of sexual assault finally focus on why men rape women and how to stop them? So often our answers to alarming rape statistics center on changing the behaviors of women. Whether its, “don’t wear anything too suggestive” or “don’t go anywhere by yourself at night” or “keep that pepper spray in your handbag,” its clear that many women’s lives are dictated by a rape schedule. The unfortunate implication of this is that sexual violence against women is so pervasive that women go about their daily lives assuming that they will be attacked. And while its never a bad idea to mind your own safety, the fact that these precautions are ingrained into our daily activities further suggests that we still have a long way to go in the way of feminism. I put forward that the day I overhear my male peers discuss the potential dangers of walking home alone at night or wearing particular items of clothing will be the day that I might accept the term “postfeminism” as anything more than a myth.

Just as De Beauvoir argued, “One is not born a women, one becomes one,” I assert that one is not born a feminist, one becomes one. Females do not become feminists simply by being born with two X chromosomes. As with all political groups, a person becomes a believer in feminist politics through awareness, choice and action. And so it seems, once again, that what is needed is a broad-based feminist movement. A movement that addresses not just women and girls, but men and boys, one that transcends class, race and sexuality and finally, and perhaps most importantly, one thats accessible to everyone. Because feminism is good for everyone. It’s time we reclaim the f-word.

Girls <3 Assholes. Why?

2009-12-12T10:40:00.000-08:00

This is a re-post but I like it a lot. It resonates with all women- everywhere.

If there’s one thing I’ve certainly learned in college, it’s this: GIRLS LOVE A**HOLES

Seriously. There are a lot of us who actually ENJOY meeting - and dating – this special breed of douche.

I know that I might be EXTREMELY overgeneralizing here, but I have seen a wide range of amazing girls fall for guys who treat them like an absolute doormat. In fact, I am one of them. I’ve seen friends who stick with their sub-par lovers for years and can’t give you a straight answer as to why they put up with it.

I fall into this category as well; there are a lot of nice guys out there that I (regrettably) have not given the time of day in favor of their more dramatic/"mysterious"/douchebag-y counterparts.

This might be like beating a dead horse - or watching a Tina Fey as Sarah Palin SNL skit (again, not that I’m complaining...love it!), but seriously, why the hell do nice guys finish last? And whose fault is it, really?

A few of my theories :

1. Girl mistakes cockiness for confidence. Because we live in an individualistic society that stresses the importance of CONFIDENCE and SELF-ESTEEM and GOING FOR THE GOLD (no matter how you get there), it is totally possible to perceive straight-up cockiness and douchebaggary as a public display of confidence. However, in the case of the A**hole, the guy isn’t just confident - he is in fact a bonafide narcissist. He basically feels NOTHING for any other human beside himself. So, by the time the Nice Girl realizes that the narcissist will never care about anything other than himself, his car and sticking his you-know-what into every willing hoo-ha in town, most the time she’s already said the “L-word” and picked out future children’s names. We've all been there...don't deny.

2. Girl thinks she can change the bad boy. Women are natural nurturers. We like to take care of stuff, like our best friends and our arcrylic nails and our Bare Minerals makeup collection. We play therapist to most everyone in our lives. It makes us feel good to make other people feel good. So, when Nice Girl meets a guy who has some issues ( as all men inevitably do)- like being unable to emotionally connect with other people, and/or maintain a solid relationship, or has cheated on past girlfriends – Nice Girl always thinks that SHE is obviously the one who can change the A**hole’s deviant ways. Realistically, I think we know this isn’t true. But we all want to believe that we are that special girl...

Eventually though and hopefully, Nice Girl learns that A**hole will never change, but she sticks around because she’s still in love with the concept of who A**hole COULD be, if he only stopped hanging out with his fellow douchbags/gave up his "drink till I pass out" mentality/actually passed his classes in college…none of which will ever happen. Girl digs A**hole because she genuinely believes that underneath all the B.S. there is a knight in shining armor just BEGGING to be set free and show up on her doorstep with a bottle of red wine and a copy of “Baby Mama.” Sorry my fellow sisters...there’s not.

3. Girl lacks confidence. Of course, we can’t blame EVERYTHING on the A**hole. According to "The Perks of Being a Wallflower," “we accept the love we think we deserve.” I don’t think I could have said it better. Sometimes, we find ourselves attached to the A**hole because we don’t believe that we can find anyone else, or perhaps we don’t even know anything better exists. It does.

4. Chivalry kinda sorta scares Girl. Although Girl doesn’t want to admit it, being treated well sometimes feels kind of... um awkward. When we go out with a Nice Guy, we know he’s going to do all the “typical” gentleman-ly stuff, like open our car doors and hold our hand while walking down the street. Sometimes, this can be plain weird and makes us feel kinda funny. Nice Guy virtually loses all unique points when he acts like this because it makes him too predictable. They wait too long to make a move, they call too often and they are just too damn nice.

5. Newsflash guys...We like the chase too. Seriously, who doesn’t? Sometimes Nice Guys are just too easy. We like it when guys don’t give in to us right away. It’s exciting and it gives us something to daydream about when we’re bored in Comm Theories (me every MWF at 10:20) Lame? Yes. Understandable? Definitely.

6. Finally, sometimes A**holes just really know how to play the game. They can thoroughly convince us that they are indeed a Nice Guy when the complete opposite is true. When our friends start to point out several signs of their douchebaggery, we have a “talk” with A**hole and he convinces us that our friends are crazy and watch too much Sex & the City and that we have nothing to worry about. The A**hole will do anything he can to prevent Nice Girl from seeing his true colors….and he’s damn good at it, too.

That’s all I got. What do my lovely readers think – why do you love assholes?

...One more thing...

2009-12-08T00:18:00.000-08:00

Also- a few extra pointers I've collected over the years that resonate with me and others that made me laugh:

You already have an asshole- I'v never heard of anyone needing (or wanting) another.

When a guy tells you he can't be monogamous- YOU SHOULD BELIEVE HIM

You deserve more than a slumber party.

The "But it feels soooo good" excuse"- I know it's soooo nice to have someone to wake up next to. Companionship is great- Buy a puppy. Pets are Gods way of saying "Whitney- don't lower the bar because you're lonely"

Busy is another word for Asshole- Asshole is another word for the guy you're dating.

He's not calling or texting you- because he is not thinking about you. At all.

Men are not complicated- although some would like to think they are.

Cheaters never prosper (because they suck )

Cheaters have a lot of stuff to work out- and guess what? They are working it out on your time and with your heart.

Classy doesn't mean reading his text messages

No answer is YOUR answer

Don't give him a chance to reject you again

Unless he's all yours, he's still hers

Don't be that girl

Being lonely, being alone, for many people sucks. I get it. But I still have to say that, yes, my true belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is far far worse.

:) Now go find someone who does wanna date your sexy butt. And remember- there are tons of cool awesome respectful and smart men out there that are looking for someone exactly like YOU!

He's Just Not That Into You- And it's okay (cause he probably sucks anyways)

2009-12-07T23:55:00.000-08:00

When I read He’s Just Not That Into You, I loved it except for one thing: so many of the scenarios aren’t applicable to college girls. I mean, just because a guy isn’t asking to marry us right now does not necessarily mean he has no interest in us!

So here’s my gift to you: He’s Just Not That Into You: The College Edition. Use this and figure out if he’s really into you, or just really into getting in your pants.

He’s just not that into you if: he’s “too busy for a girlfriend.” Um, we’re in college. We’re all really busy. I have to go to classes, do homework, attend meetings, hang out with friends, write for this here blog, the list goes on. But when I like someone, you can bet your pretty little face I’ll make some time to hang out with them, and eventually date them if I like them enough. Boys, as weird as they may be, will do the same.

He’s just not that into you if: he doesn’t ask you questions about yourself. I use this one to do a little test to see if a guy actually likes me. I’ll mention something about myself when it fits with the conversation we’re having. Like, if we’re talking about blogs I’ll say “Oh, I have an awesome blog.” If the guy just nods then rambles about some blog he frequents, I’ve got a huge hint as to his feelings about me. If he asks for the address, what I write about, etc. then I assume he actually cares. (And then I edit what I write about him on the site…. he’s gonna be reading it now, after all!)

He’s just not that into you if: he knows you know about other girls he’s messing around/trying to mess around with, but he doesn’t stop. I know, it’s college and hooking up is a popular extracurricular activity. But if a guy wants you to take him seriously, he won’t like that you have to hear about him hooking up with other girls. More importantly, he won’t want to hurt you. And no, ladies, this does not mean that if he tries to hide this from you, he likes you.

He’s just not that into you if: he puts you down. I’m not talking about teasing, which can be a fun way to flirt. I mean “you’re fat,” “you're a slut,” “you're a dumb bitch,” type stuff. Don’t put up with that from a guy, ever.

He’s just not that into you if: he’s all over other girls in front of you. Yes, guys can be extra friendly. They can also be audacious enough to hit on other girls in front of your face. At times it can be a fine line, but it’s not a good sign when they cross it.

He’s just not that into you if: he only focuses on himself during sex. When you like someone, you like to please them, plain and simple. He might be nervous that he’s not a sexual savant but if he likes you, he’ll want to try.

He’s just not that into you if: he pretty much kicks you out of bed the next morning. If he wakes up, looks at you, and the first words out of his mouth are “When are you leaving?” (or some variation with the same message) you can assume he doesn’t have a burning desire to date you.

He’s just not that into you if: he doesn’t say hi to you when he sees you somewhere. No, he’s not nervous. No, he’s not trying to come up with the perfect opening line. No, he’s not waiting until he can go check his hair in a mirror. He might not remember who you are (not a good sign), or, worse, he might just not give a flying fuck.

He’s just not that into you if: he only mass texts you. You open a text and see “Hey girl. Wat r u doin? I’m bored, wna come snuggle” Your friends all open their phones to the same text. Charming. If this happens, shoot him an “LOL” and be done with it.

He’s just not that into you if: he only texts you, period. I don’t care if he has unlimited texts, guys will take time to call the girls they like.

He’s just not that into you if: he has to get drunk every time you hang out. Think about it: if he was completely hammered at that party you went to together last night, more than buzzed at that dinner a few days ago, and stumbling over his words at breakfast a week ago…you have a problem on your hands. Or maybe he has the problem and should be referred to AA.

The bottom line is, boys that like you are supposed to treat you well. They’ll show an interest in you, the things you like, and will want to make you feel special. So, if he repeatedly makes you wonder if he’s really into you, he’s not worth it! Move on and find someone you like who actually wants to be with you. You’re fabulous, you deserve it.

Save the Males

2009-12-05T12:53:00.000-08:00

It's "booze o'clock" on a recent Thursday night at the Frat House—a rolling, inexact hour when roughly 30 guys decide to kick off their nightly binge. Between Capri Suns and the Keystones, the preppy twentysomethings roar on the porch of their fratcastle, sounding the depths of maledom: sexual conquests, mastery of weapons, mastery of food ("I could eat the fuck out of 10 Cheesy Gordita Crunches right now!") and escape from the monotony of girlfriends and work. "I like starting things," I overheard one guy say, as if to sum up his generation. "Then shit just gets boring."

The banter may seem like an open dish-session between friends, but masculine law chokes out the sissy stuff. There's scorn when water is used to dilute a whisky, and disbelief when one of the crew suggests dinner that night to celebrate his birthday. "This isn't friendship time," chides one of the guys. "We're here to get women." That night most of the guys will say they've reached their goal.

Once the preserve of whacked-out teens and college slackers, this testosterone-filled landscape is the new normal for American males until what used to be considered creeping middle age, according to the sociologist Michael Kimmel. In his new book, "Guyland," the State University of New York at Stony Brook professor notes that the traditional markers of manhood—leaving home, getting an education, finding a partner, starting work and becoming a father—have moved downfield as the passage from adolescence to adulthood has evolved from "a transitional moment to a whole new stage of life." In 1960, almost 70 percent of men had reached these milestones by the age of 30. Today, less than a third of males that age can say the same.

"What used to be regressive weekends are now whole years in the lives of some guys," Kimmel tells NEWSWEEK. In almost 400 interviews with mainly white, college-educated twentysomethings, he found that the lockstep march to manhood is often interrupted by a debauched and decadelong odyssey, in which youths buddy together in search of new ways to feel like men. Actually, it's more like all the old ways—drinking, smoking, kidding, huntin', carousing—turned up a notch in a world where adolescent demonstrations of manhood have replaced the real thing: responsibility. Kimmel's testosterone tract adds to a forest of recent research into protracted adolescents (or "thresholders" and "kidults," as they've also been dubbed) and the reluctance of today's guys to don their fathers' robes—and commitments. They "see grown-up life as such a loss," says Kimmel, explaining why so many guys are content to sit out their 20s in duct-taped beanbag chairs. The trouble is that the very thing they're running from may be the thing they need.

At least, that's what I hope. Last night was a normal Northgate night, minus the sub-zero temperatures. As I get older I like to spend more time at Logans as the guys are usually a little more mature or at least a bit older. I talked to a fraternity friend of mine about his new girlfriend- he seemed to be excited and expressed genuine emotions when speaking of her. Interestingly, when I spoke to his friends later they were much less impressed with her and the relationship between the two of them. By the way some of his single male friends reacted, you'd think he had just told them that he was getting married in a shotgun Vegas wedding and that they could no longer be friends. "He's making a BIG mistake-- she's a dumb bitch- I don't like her at all," said one friend when I talked to him about the new relationship. A 22-year-old soon to be a jobless graduate living with his parents, probably can't remember the names of the women he's slept with (let alone the number), and affectionately refers to them as "dumb bitch" "slut" or "dumb c-word." Most times the conversations I have with Peter Pan (a nickname I gave him- which he pathetically embraces) blows my mind -- he interests me in the same way that you can't look away from a car crash- Frankly he scares the sh*t out of me. If it were up to him, he would stay in college forever hitting The Tap every Monday night to belt out "Sweet Caroline" of "Friends in Low Places" to a bar full of strangers.

A bad attitude about relationships is not the only thing that's holding these guys back. A series of social and economic reversals are making it harder than ever to climb the ladder of adulthood. Since 1971, annual salaries for males 25 to 34 with full-time jobs have plummeted almost 20 percent, according to the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University. At the same time, women have crashed just about all the old male haunts, and are outpacing their husbands and boyfriends as breadwinners and heads of family, at least in urban centers. Last year, researchers at Queens College in New York determined that women between 21 and 30 in at least five major cities, including Dallas, Chicago and New York, have not only made up the wage gap since 1970—they now earn upwards of 15 percent more than their male counterparts. As a result, many men feel redundant.

Today's guys are perhaps the first downwardly mobile—and endlessly adolescent—generation of men in U.S. history. They're also among the most distraught—men between the ages of 16 and 26 have the highest suicide rate for any group —and socially isolated, despite their image as a band of backslapping buddies. According to the General Social Survey, a highly regarded decadeslong University of Chicago project to map changes in American culture, twentysomething guys are bowling alone when compared with the rest of society. They are less likely to read a newspaper, be part of organizations, vote for president or believe that people are basically trustworthy, helpful and fair. Meanwhile, saddled with an average of $20,000 in student debt and reared with a sense of entitlement that stops them from taking any old job, the percentage of 26-year-olds living with their parents has nearly doubled since 1970, from 11 to 20 percent, according to economist Bob Schoeni's research with the Population Studies Center at the University of Michigan.

The failure to launch is perhaps no surprise given the onslaught of messages that suggest settling down is tantamount to ripping up one's ticket to the party. To turn on television or see a movie is to find a smorgasbord of regressive adventures for the single man of every kind. Movies like "Pineapple Express," Judd Apatow's latest celebration of beta male bonding; TV shows like HBO's hypermasculine pal party "Entourage," and beer commercials like Miller Lite's "Man Laws" ads make delayed adulthood seem like a lark—roguish, fun and, most of all, normal. Meanwhile, the denizens of Guyland eat this stuff up, with males 16 to 26 constituting the single most coveted consumer group. As evidence, Kimmel points to the litany of "guysploitation" media, including ever frat-tastic magazines such as Maxim and FHM, and Spike TV, "the first network for men."

The happy family man, on the other hand, is an alien concept in Guyland, and all too scarce in popular culture. Men who actually embrace the idea of monogamous relationships in their 20s, are seen as aberrations—or just a bit odd. According to a study released last month by the Parents Television Council, prime-time broadcast audiences are three times more likely to hear about people having sex with pets, corpses or two other people simultaneously than they are to see a blissed-out married couple between the sheets. If the domestic man does appear, the study finds, the guy who pants in Lamaze class rather than a stranger's bedroom is portrayed as freakish, fuddy-duddy and frequently religious: an uptight Boy Scout in a Peter Pan culture. "Today's prime-time television," the PTC concludes, "seems to be actively seeking to undermine marriage by consistently painting it in a negative light."

But while the glorified Isle of Guy makes many men feel inadequate, its attractions are often illusory—or worse. Binge drinking is shown to cause learning disabilities in lab rats; almost 20 percent of college guys said they would commit rape if they knew they wouldn't be caught, according to a 2005 UCLA study, and fraternity hazing has resulted in at least one reported fatality for each of the last 10 years.

Beyond the practical dangers, the world of twentysomething males can also be an alienating place, where the entrance fee is conformity and the ride is less than advertised. On the porch of the Fratcastle, there is gleeful solidarity as the guys chink glasses and brag about their sexual escapades to one another- most of which are probably lies. But on their own and without their liquid courage, there is also isolation and discontent.

If only all the posturing paid off. College guys believe that 80 percent of their friends are getting laid each weekend, says Kimmel, whose survey of 13,000 kids, mostly 18 to 22 years old, puts the actual figure at closer to 10 percent. After college, he says, the percentages merely get worse.

Meanwhile, the angst associated with adulthood may not be warranted. A raft of recent studies suggest that men in relationships with women are happier, more sexually satisfied and less likely to end up in the emergency room than their single counterparts. They also earn more, are promoted ahead of their single counterparts and are more likely to own a home.

"Men benefit from just being in relationships, regardless of the quality of the relationship. It makes them healthier, wealthier and more generous," says Scott Coltrane, author of "Gender and Families" and dean of the University of Oregon College of Arts and Science. It accelerates men's journey toward stability and security. "In general, those are the things that lead to happiness," he adds.

At least, that's what I am hoping. Ask me in 20 years. Final thought Ladies- stay away from this kind- they only behave like this because they can- we let them. And its better to lose a lover than to love a loser :)

Creepers 101

2009-12-03T14:42:00.000-08:00

Creeper [kreep-ur] -noun. 1. An individual who stares, lurks or makes awkward and unwanted advances to undeserving women.

Today, Hera readers, we will be learning about Creepers and what one can do to deflect their advances. We have all been at a bar or some type of similar venue and had a creeper (of varying severity) approach and had no idea how to handle the situation. Well, here’s your answer.

Stage 1 Creeper (Loosely defined as an awkward guy, your age or older, who won’t stop staring and/or making small talk. Naturally, you have accepted a drink already.)

1. Who wants to come to the bathroom with me?

After accepting a free drink (you earned it, little miss push up bra!), a graceful way of parting is to go to the bathroom. When drinking, it is perfectly acceptable to bring 3-10 girls with you into a bathroom, so your whole crew can be removed from the creeper situation.

2. Ahhh, I love this song!

As soon as you have that free drink safely in your hand, raise it up and toast to your favorite song, turn your back to your friends and get in the middle of the dancing circle. Migrate away from the bar and in time, your creeper will be gone (but that buzz he bought you won’t be!! hah).

3. No thanks

Saying no to a drink is incredibly hard for a cash-strapped college lady, but it’s the easiest way to get the point across to someone that you just aren’t interested. You won’t owe him anything and you can get away ASAP. I applaud girls who do this on a regular basis… but can’t say that I am one of them.

Stage 2 Creeper (Loosely defined as an undesirable guy, your age or older, who won’t leave you alone and/or follows your group around. He may have friends, and they may all be drunk, which makes him even harder to get rid of. You may have already accepted drinks.)

1. "I love being out of the closet!"

Okay, I may have done this before, like 2 years ago, and it works. I grabbed my friend and said something like, “OMG, I am so glad we are lesbians now!” Our creepers heard this and were either drunk enough to believe we were gay or thought we were immature/permanently disinterested. Either way, we got our point across.

2. Honestly…

All you gotta say is “You can buy me a drink, but honestly, I have no interest in hooking up with you whatsoever.” A friend of mine told me she did this the other night at a bar and the guy who was hardcore creeping felt so bad he bought her a drink and left her alone! Hey, if guys can be sketchily forward with us, why can’t we be forward back?

Stage 3 Creeper (Loosely defined as a generally creepy man, most likely older than you, who just won’t get the hint. These responses are for when you are up Creeper Creek without a paddle (or a tazer), and/or just want to have a little fun. Do not get drinks from this one. Seriously.)

1. You’re the one

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so why not try this counter-intuitive example? Freak him out Wedding-Crashers-style and tell him, after he stops talking/ogling, something along the lines of “My psychic told me I’d meet my husband tonight and he was right!” I am sure he will stay a good 30 feet away from you for the rest of the night.

2. Baby Mama

If you can keep a straight face, tell that creep you are either a) Preggers and unable to drink b) getting a text message from your kids or c) a combination of the two. There is nothing less attractive then the prospect of coming back to your place and being interrupted by contractions or crying babies.

3. GET AWAY FROM ME

The creepiest of creepers are never good with taking hints. If you are hammered or just really fed up/revolted, tell that creeper straight up to GET AWAY FROM YOU. I have a friend who does this a lot, and her hostility sure wards em’ off. And of course, if he still doesn’t get it and starts getting even creepier, get a bartender or bouncer involved.

Anyone else have any other good ideas to ward off creepers?

In Defense of the Greek System...

2009-11-11T21:38:00.000-08:00

My name is W, and I am in a sorority.

Granted, I am a senior and I will soon sadly have to go alum but yes, I still wear my butt-shorts to sleep at night and my Greek t-shirts to the gym. I have sorority jewelry, and my best friends are people I pledged with. I may or may not have my affiliation listed on my resume. And I am not ashamed.

What does irk the hell out of me, though, are the characters who, find it appropriate to judge me and still make the same assumptions that were made in high school about the "popular group". Just a heads up, kids, but just like no one cares if you were cool in high school, no one could care any less whether you were cool in college. And by hating on me for being Greek, you’re definitely no cooler than the next a**hole.

Sure, I partied, but so did a large percentage of the independents (oh that’s right, there’s a label for them, too). Shocker, sorority girls aren’t always the drunk mess you expect them to be.

So let’s clarify a few things, shall we?

#1. No, I did not buy my friends. Surprise! I actually have other friends who aren’t Greek. Who cares where or how you meet people if they’re quality? I lucked out; my house was full of girls I clicked with, many of whom will probably be in my wedding. I could just as easily say you bought all your college friends because you paid tuition to attend a university with thousands of other people, right? You’re electing to join an institution where you will happen into people…. kind of makes you a hypocrite to call me out. I’m not picking people to hang out with based on whether or not they were in a frat or sorority in college, and if you are, you’re living a sad, sad life.

#2. No, I am not going home with you. I hate nothing more than a guy who asks if I am in a sorority, particularly at the bar. As soon as I answer, the same smirk spreads across each of their faces. Stop it. I have standards and I’ve encountered enough shady characters like you to realize that you don’t meet them.

#3. No, I am not living off of mommy and daddy. I actually bought my own car and have probably made more money myself than your summer job at Abercrombie could make you in ten years. And no, you cannot get on my bar tab.

#4. Actually, I’m not just another dumb blonde. My GPA is probably better than yours. Study Points, helloooo.

#5. We don’t photograph those pillow fights you hear about. Thanks, those are just for us…. when and if they happen at all.

Ultimately, my decision to pledge just created a different college experience for me. Just me. Not you. What I did didn’t affect you then, and doesn’t impact your life now. So why do you care? If you were part of the Greek system, you understand it and you can bond with people over it. If not, you have no reason to hate just because we were in a different club. ‘Kay?

I’m off to catch the next episode of GREEK, thanks

SENIORITUS: What if?

2009-11-11T20:35:00.000-08:00

I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately. Mostly to myself, but I have a quirky tendency to mumble aloud so sometimes I get answers from people assuming that I was trying to have a conversation with them. But I appreciate their responses; I’ll take anything I can get these days, with the exception of Yahoo answers. The longer I go without applying for jobs, the more I question every decision I’ve made since kindergarten….including that one-piece sunflower jumpsuit my mother insisted I wear.

What if I had gone to another college? What if I had majored in Business? What if I’m one of those people who don’t know they’re pregnant until they go into labor at nine months and discover their baby has 13 fingers and tentacles because their mother took a shot every time she asked herself what if? What if I went Chi-Omega? Would I even have this blog??

What if I had taken a different internship last summer, seduced the boss, and then been able to blackmail him into getting me a job. What if the love of my life lives in the past and we spend the rest of our lives communicating only through a mailbox at a lake house (do they have to play that movie every single weekend??). What if I end up getting hired at my dream job and realize that I hate it?

What if my friends/family have been lying for the past 22 years about me being tone deaf because they knew if I really knew how good my voice was I would be the greatest singer this world has ever seen and I would never speak to them again except through the press? What if I never get a job in New York and I have to move home and face all my former middle school acquaintances and explain why I’m living in the place I swore I would never live?

What if I’m not good at the job that I just spent the last four years preparing for? What if my parents had considered my future plans and goals and had become professionals in the television industry and hooked me up with a job right now?

What if I could just be one of those people who could just chill and go with the flow and not spend their nights composing long lists of unanswerable what if’s? hmmmm

Prince Charming isn't Good Enough...

2009-11-11T14:18:00.000-08:00

When it comes down to love, I’m a picky jerk. Prince Charming can march his white horse right up to my doorstep with roses and I won’t answer the door because he’s not ‘challenging’ enough (read: Hey Arnold for those of you that know me well). Let me take a moment to recount the ‘problems’ with my most serious of lovers over the last few years.

Guy 1 didn’t pay enough attention to me.

Guy 2 paid too much attention to me.

Guy 3 wasn’t reliable enough and distant

Guy 4 just had his life way too planned out.

Guy 5 wasn’t smart enough. seriously.

Guy 6 partied too much

Guy 7 didn't party enough

Guy 8 wasn't cool enough.

And this is how it always works.

I know deep in my soul that if I ever wanted a relationship to really WORK, I’d have to stop expecting it to be perfect. I’d have to stop throwing in my cards whenever there’s an argument and I’d have to stop climbing up on my pedestal every time I’m offended by a guy.

And I think this is an issue that a lot of people deal with, especially women. It seems to me like guys don’t need too much from a girl to be satisfied. In fact, most of my guy friends would boil it down to: Not being a crazy b*tch, being good in bed, and…uh….not being a crazy b*tch. But for girls, I think it’s a whole different ball game.

He should be funny but not obnoxious, smart but not pretentious, strong but still sensitive, supportive but with his own life, sexy but not sex-oriented, loyal but not obsessive, stable but not predictable, outgoing but enjoy nights in…

Oh. Dear. God.

Is it just me or are we giving our guys way too much to live up to?

If you want a serious relationship, but you’re expecting your guy to hit the nail on the head with every single characteristic on your Prince Charming list – then I think you might be crazy. Because no one is perfect and that includes him and me..and you. That’s right; you are not perfect. If you are looking for something to hold onto for good, I’d suggest re-evaluating the criteria you’ve got. You may just be trapping yourself in single-land with you’re unreasonable standards.

Senior Year: Pass the Xanex please?

2009-11-09T14:25:00.000-08:00

Apparently in a few months I I have no choice but to make a sh*tload of changes. I’ve completed eight semesters, finished all my required classes, and grown out of my fake ID.

It’s not that I don’t know where time went; it went towards the long class lectures, the bar-hopping, the “Tennis Pros and Golf Hoes” parties, the date parties, the jello-shot making, the endless Sex and the City viewings, the random hook-ups, the awkward morning-afters, and the all-day brunch recaps at iHop. And while I’ll leave college with amazing memories and textbooks the bookstore refused to take back, I’ll also leave with no idea of what I’m going to do with my life (and how I’m going to afford it.)

So, even though I have an entire semester left, I can’t stop myself from stressing myself into oblivion as I sit in my room with growing anxiety. I WebMD-ed myself to figured out what my problem was and all I came up with was a diagnosis that gave me a month to live. (Sidenote: I have to stop using WebMD.) My mom claims this is normal, my friends are experiencing the same thing, and yet I can’t help asking around for Xanax.

But apparently the health center doesn’t prescribe Xanax as freely as they write out pregnancy diagnoses, so I went with my only other option – blogging – in hopes another senior feels the same way. So every time I have a panic attack about being an adult or a wave of nostalgia that sends me for one last bathroom-tastic meal in the dining hall, I’ll be writing.

Disney Princesses

2009-11-08T20:19:00.000-08:00

Let’s get one thing straight; I am absolutely obsessed with Disney movies. But as much as I love watching them, the princesses walking around those movies always manage to make me feel terrible about my love life. They create unrealistic expectations about love and relationships all while maintaining a search for ‘happily ever after’.

So how does one attain this happily ever after? According to a Disney princess, by finding love! And how does one find love? With a song and dance, of course!

Gone are the days where meaningful conversation and actual chemistry are needed for a relationship, Disney princesses show that chiseled features and a great singing voice are all a girl really needs. Beauty and the Beast seems to be one exception as the Beast definitely ain’t no looker -in fact he's an abusive asshole- but Belle likes him anyway. The only downside to this love affair is that the Beast is holding Belle captive in order to make her fall in love with him so he can turn handsome again. No big- every woman knows how easy it is to change a man... NOT! It's about as easy as nailing jello to a tree, some might even say impossible.

Ariel, in The Little Mermaid, has yet to speak to her man before claiming her love for him. She defies her father, runs away from home, and makes a deal with an evil sorceress to give up her voice for a pair of legs (i think this might send the wrong message to little girls), all in hopes of meeting this guy. But lo and behold, Ariel and the prince do meet and by the end of the movie they have fallen in love and are ready to live happily ever after. Maybe it was all the stimulating conversation the two had together that attracted him to her. Or the great pair of legs she traded her voice for.

Another idea that Disney princesses seem to instill upon us is that one day Prince Charming will just show up and make our lives better. But in the meantime we should probably be sitting around waiting for him. Look at Cinderella, for instance. Instead of telling her step-sisters to ‘f*ck off’ and then leaving the household to find a real job and house to support herself, she lets herself be treated like a slave to her step-mother’s whims. She is only let off the hook from this life when Prince Charming shows up and whisks her away to his castle. She doesn’t know him that well -- the dance was short and it was nearly midnight, but he has a ton of money and power, so I guess that equals out to a happily every after.

Instead of the cookie-cutter Disney Prince Charming, I’d rather go out and find a man with flaws. To me, that perfect Disney prince sounds boring. Every relationship needs a little disagreement and meaningful conversation, not just physical attraction. I think a relationship can have a happily ever after, but only if you’re realistic about it.

No guy is ever going to act perfect all the time like Prince Charming, nor are you always going to look flawless like Cinderella, but with the right amount of time and commitment, you two can make your own happily ever after. And If a guy still loves me even when I wake up looking like the Beast, that’s my idea of a Prince Charming.

Do any of our relationships really turn into happily ever afters, or has the idea just effed us up when it comes to dating expectations?

Man Whore: Screwing Himself?

2009-11-08T19:59:00.000-08:00

Ya Ya, I get it. Guys like sex…and guys like competition. So naturally, guys make it a competition to see who has more sex. Whether it is a points game (extra points for threesomes or two girls in one night-obvi) or just listing off their sex stats. Guys go out in search of a hookup to add to their list.

And so, the number-game-guys seek out one of us girls to take home. And we ladies cast the fact aside that he is, admittedly a huge MW (Man-Whore), and strip right down to our Hanky-Panky’s. I mean, clearly if everyone else wanted him, there must be something appealing that we should want too. And naively we think we will be the one to change him and tame him. Right?

Soooo Wrong.

I had an epiphany recently upon talking to a group of guy friends who are known widely around The Station as a MWs. These guys like to have a lot of sex- but then again, what guy doesn’t? When the number lands somewhere between fifteen and fifty-five (I kid you not) there is a deeper rooted– please see a therapist– reason why these MW guys feel compelled to rack up their number of times in the sack.

Enter light bulb Moment: Intimacy issues. God I feel so Oprah/Dr. Phil for being able to diagnose this one.

It isn’t just that these MW’s are overly horny and sexual. There is a genuine fear of becoming too close, of getting too attached, of having something that’s more than just physical. And then there is a fear of getting hurt. Maybe the real reason the MW in question won’t hookup with you more than once is because the one time he got emotionally close to a girl he got burned.

Whatever it is, there is a reason behind the number tally game of it all. Until the guy deals with his fear of intimacy, you need to realize you aren’t going to be the one who was able to say you changed his ways.

Gay Marriage to Save the Institution?

2009-11-04T21:23:00.000-08:00

In Washington (my home state) a referendum was passed on Tuesday to expand the state's domestic partnership law which would grant same sex domestic partners all the rights of married couples. Wahooo!! It got me thinking however....

Marriage isn’t a right; it’s a privilege. Depending on the time, place, and partner, getting married could be harder than getting into Harvard, if not downright impossible. As recently as fifty years ago (or if you haven't heard: if you live in particular areas of LA even today), miscegenation laws would have forbid me from marrying a man not of my race in certain areas of the United States. Before that, the legal and social benefits to getting married were denied to minorities, immigrants, and the poor for centuries. Marriage is, for lack of a better analogy, membership into the biggest country club in the world.

For me, getting married would be a personal endorsement of some of the worst societal norms in existence.

The supposed “right” to marry has never been much of a right at all, and our understanding of marriage as a basic liberty is unique to contemporary times. Thanks to my predisposition for heterosexuality, it’s a liberty I could easily exercise, but I’d much rather march in a rally than down an aisle, because I find it difficult to take part in a practice that is denied to others (plenty of them my friends). Even with the best of intentions, I can’t imagine that my own wedding will serve any purpose but to reinforce existing norms, such as the idea that a relationship is only valuable if recognized by a third-party institution.

It’s ironic, then, that I consider marriage equality an extremely important political issue, and the only one to which I’ve devoted significant time and money. Why should a feminist support the inclusion of queer people in what is historically a sexist institution? Besides the “separate but equal” disaster that civil unions create, I think same-sex marriage might just be the only way to save marriage as an institution.

Critics of marriage equality often claim that it will lead to the demise of traditional marriage, while supporters insist that nothing will change by allowing queer people to marry. Though I share little else in common with them, I agree with the former group. It’s disingenuous, or at the very least, naive, to suggest that legalizing same-sex marriage won’t threaten traditional marriage. It absolutely will, and I hope it does. Traditional marriage is an institution that has historically treated women as property and men as property owners. It has fueled our culture’s obsession with virginity and female purity, while justifying the rape of child brides and the battering of women who dare to not serve their husbands. A half-century’s worth of gender equality under Western law neither creates equality in practice nor does it negate thousands of years of subjugation.

Recognizing same-sex relationships may very well be the only thing that can keep marriage a relevant social institution. Same-sex marriage subverts the gender roles that have dominated marriage — and by extension, society — for the great majority of human history. Every gay marriage is a statement against antiquated roles and practices we’ve come to take for granted. (Who, for example, walks down the aisle in a gay wedding ceremony?) Marriage is far more appealing a notion when I think of queer couples getting hitched without white dresses and gendered proposals. Accepting gay marriage also means rejecting one of the most enduring aspects of traditional marriage: its exclusivity. No longer would marriage be a privilege of the appropriately heterosexual.

I’m not holding my breath, but if this long-suffering institution changes, then perhaps my opinion of it will too. Because frankly, I wish I could get married. I wish I could don a white wedding gown without having to think about its sexually repressive implications as much as I wish I lived in a society without prerequisites for legal recognition of romantic relationships. Unfortunately, that isn’t this society, at least not yet. Perhaps we’ll never get there in my lifetime, but if that’s the case, then to paraphrase Groucho Marx, I wouldn’t want to join a club that would have me as a member anyway.

Emotional Baggage

2009-11-04T20:26:00.000-08:00

It’s a fact of life: unless you marry your high school sweetheart, the older you get, the more relationships you’ve had. Unfortunately, the same is true for your significant other. Not only are there more relationships, but usually as we grow older they are more meaningful relationships. Sometimes there are shared pets, shared friends, ex-apartments, and the countless pictures on Facebook.

Before I entered the world of adult dating, I didn’t really understand the importance of these factors in forming a new relationship. In looking at older friends relationships, I can remember them losing their minds about their boyfriends ex-girlfriends and I couldn’t understand why. She was history, why was the mention of her name so upsetting? I didn’t care about any of MY boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends. Of course not, they’d dated as pre-teens or high school students (when they were drunk most of the time, I’m sure), and topped out at 6 months max, maybe a year.

Once I joined the grown-ups, I had a new appreciation for ‘the ex’, as she became a more significant being. But for the time being, here are a few things I’ve found that help deal with the exes of your lover in a really healthy way.

1. Start Fresh (or, Hide The Evidence)
In any relationship, but especially long-termers things accumulate. There is just…stuff. It happens, and it’s okay. Kitchen gadgets, a few t-shirts, DVD's etc, all these need not disappear just because the co-puchaser is no longer around. But personal things? You don’t want to stumble upon a pair of women’s underwear in the back of the closet, knowing full well they’re not yours. That’s a little too much. It is certainly within your rights to ask your partner to wipe the slate clean, and make an effort to remove things directly (and obviously) connected to an ex.

But be forgiving. There was a time where I found a book my ex-boyfriend had received from the aforementioned long-term whore of an ex-gf, and to see her name written inside with a date and sweet note next to his, made my head want to explode. It didn’t bother me because it made me think about her, it bothered me because I assumed it made HIM think about her. But was it OK for me to ask him to get rid of his favorite book just because she happened to give it to him? No. Yes, her clothes have to go, but his books do not. Pretending he or she never existed will help nothing.

2. Know What You Must – And Nothing More
The question of exes always comes up, be it as a side note in conversation or the topic itself. It’s only natural, in the process of getting to know one another. That said, learn what you must, but be careful what you ask for, and make sure you are ready to hear it. I was dying to know the details of a breakup once, because I was certain that he wasn’t telling me the whole story. It took a very, very good friend to ask me, as I agonized about whether to bring it up: “but…why?” And she was right. I didn’t need to know every single detail about the sex they had or the love that they shaired, mostly because it has NOTHING to do with me and what I had going with him. So, lesson learned. Don’t over-pry. This ABSOLUTELY includes internet stalking. Don’t hunt them down on MySpace and Facebook and look at all the fun times they shared and wonder what they talked about when they were at the river together! Stop it! Right now! It it a seductive prospect, and far too many people fall prey to the temptation. If you can’t ask it in person, you know it’s not a healthy activity.

3. Don’t Compare!
When dealing with a long term ex, women especially seem to have a hard time distancing themselves from certain information. Was she taller, shorter, fatter, thinner? Am I prettier than she is? I am definitely smarter than she is right? Are there pictures of them where she looks sexy and he looks happy on that beach you've always wanted to go to? These are not things you really need to know, nor, I imagine, do you really want to. What you want is validation that you are the best, loveliest thing that has ever entered his world. When the urge strikes for that validation, remember that you are. He’s not with her anymore – he’s with you!

4. Remember: You have Baggage Too
I have photos of old boyfriends. I have letters, and postcards, and mementos (carefully stashed away, of course). And I have friendships, many of them, with ex-boyfriends, and I am happy to have them. None of these things mean I am still in love with someone in my past. We all have exes, and they are all exes for a reason. Simple though it may seem, remembering it is the quickest way I have found to jar myself back to emotional equilibrium.

Whatever your past, whatever your partner’s past, the truth is you are together now. Appreciate whatever it is that you got going on for its own unique beauty, and respect the experiences that made you who you are and brought you where you are. Don’t ignore the past, but don’t live in it. My parents have been married for 30 years, and frankly, they’ve set the bar pretty high. They make jokes and kissy faces, and seem to still genuinely like each other. And yet, over a glass of wine, I ranted about the women who still haunt me from time to time, my mother narrowed her eyes and said “Dinky- your father's high school girlfriend” Seems the sting never quite wears off, but it also never gets in the way.

Erin Andrews and the Objectification of Women

2009-11-02T22:02:00.000-08:00

In the midst of all the hilarious, cute, and often bizarre videos the Internet has to offer, there are many disgusting ones that make you nearly question your faith in humanity. When the news about the Erin Andrews video first broke, my stomach turned: how could people do such a thing to a person, a woman, after we’ve come so far over the past few decades?

A video recently surfaced on the Internet featuring ESPN reporter Erin Andrews nude, filmed from a peephole into her hotel room. ESPN is, understandingly, furious, and any person with a shred of decency should find such a thing revolting. And yet, many people in cyberspace find it a) funny, b) hot, c) an acceptable way to treat a woman, or d) all of the above. As much as I love the Internet and am amazed by what it is capable of, I also can’t believe how cruel and sick people can be.

But the reaction to the Erin Andrews video is the least of our concerns. The fact that someone actually created the video in the first place is thoroughly upsetting. Are women never safe from voyeurs and perverts, not even in the privacy of a hotel room?

This extends beyond just women, as well. As a journalist, a professional, Andrews was humiliated in front of viewers and colleagues. Her career is in jeopardy, and although we cannot know what the future holds, ESPN viewers will never be able to look at her the same way. Her name will be forever tied to this incident, no matter how professional she is. No one recovers from something so humiliating and sickening.

Here’s a real wake-up call on women’s issues.

For those who rail against feminism and claim that women have already achieved equality, just read one article on this incident. The truth is that women are still objectified as sexual beings for men to ogle. In that way, it is safe to assume that comments have been made in the past about Andrews’s appearance, as such is standard practice when evaluating female journalists; but this video takes it all to a whole new level. This is a violation that should not be ignored or made light of. In fact, we should all learn from it and be inspired to act against such acts in the future.

BLEH

2009-11-01T10:47:00.000-08:00

In about 6 months, college is going to throw me out into the real world. I’m currently facing the greatest dilemma a 20-something-year-old can face; law school or grad school? Or maybe try for a job? How about travel around Europe for a month (and by “travel” I mean explore exotic drinks and dudes). But then I face the finance question? And what will my parents say if I tell them I want to be roommates with them again, like the old days when I was 11. At least until I find a job that pays me a lot of money to do what I love, pretty please mom?

And with this big-giant-looming-really-effing-scary fork in the road coming up… I STILL manage to be focusing on how crappy my love life has been lately.

It took about three waves of feminism, but women and men are supposedly equal now. Our lives have gotten richer. We have social lives, interests, careers, the works. Yet nothing, I mean nothing, gives us our ups and downs quite like relationships. We may not depend on a man for financial stability, but when it comes to emotional stability, it seems they’re somehow still the ones in control.

One of the best things about being single is freedom! You don’t have to plan your schedule or your decisions around anyone else. But aren't we doing that anyways? When I’m casually dating, it seems I’m still always waiting around for that call (or, let’s face it, text…we’re a lazy, lazy society). It’s a simple equation: I’m happy when he texts, I’m bummed when he doesn’t. And all of this for someone who I am not really interested in and who doesn't really deserve the greatness of me, which btw is pretty f'in great!

And even during the dreaded dry spell, we manage to let men take the emotional reigns. When there’s not a prince charming in the picture (actually I tend to date guys who look more like Shrek…), it tends to take over every aspect of our lives. I mean really, every other part of your life can be better than Nordstroms’ end of the season sale, but nothing brings you down quite like a dry spell.

Well I for one am tired of leaving my emotions to another person…especially if that other person doesn’t, you know, exist. A dating dry spell isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it could be a chance to get reacquainted with yourself and those other parts of your life you’ve been neglecting (for example, your grades!). It’s also a good way to avoid going 300 text messages over your plan because you send winky faces to your crush every hour (no wonder I can’t get a date…).

It’s hard to remember when you’re in your 20’s and being bombarded with 13 new sh*tty Sandra Bollock romantic comedies a year, but guess what… we do have other things going on in our lives besides men. Great things that can make us happier and more fulfilled that the stupid boys who aren’t beating down our doors.

Hell, it’s Friday. Get up, get dressed and go get drunk with your friends.

Without checking your phone every 15 minutes to see if a guy has texted you, please.

Peter Pan Syndrome

2009-10-25T21:22:00.001-07:00

Peter Pan is a childhood icon. Who would not want to be Peter Pan? He had every quality a guy could want. He could fly, he chills with his lost boys all day doing stupid shit, fights the occasional pirate and hangs with scantily-clad blonde fairies in the evenings. Besides wearing the tights, many guys would say "Props to Peter! He is living the dream!"

Well I am here to say, ladies, beware of Peter Pan Syndrome! This is a disease which causes guys to believe that they can remain in a state of perpetual childhood, just like Peter Pan. It's a disease that preys upon college kids who believe their lives parallel the life of this hero of children’s literature. Those afflicted with this syndrome believe Never Never Land exists and it is called college. Peter Pan Syndrome is the pandemic of our generation. Of course, Peter Pans can be fun because they usually act like kids. They like to go out and play and shun anything to do with responsibility and growing up. Do not be fooled ladies, Peter is not fixable.

Symptoms include a refusal to go on proper dates, spending hours upon end playing video games and alternating between Hot and Ready pizzas and Fried Chicken for every meal of the day. Peter likes to have multiple girlfriends; Wendy to mother him, Tigerlily for adventure and Tinkerbell to sex him up every now and then. He likes all the entrapments that lead up to a legitimate relationships (sleepovers, trips to New Orleans, constant and daily communication in various mediums), but his ailment prohibits him from actually cementing any sort of responsible, or emotional bond with a woman. He has left several victims in his path, all believing they were going to be able to cure him of his affliction. Sound familiar?

Don't get me wrong, this guy is A LOT of fun to be around. He throws caution to the wind, ignores all sense of responsibility and sometimes even commits federal crimes (and other crimes that are illegal in several states). The trouble is he fails to make the jump to reality when a situation warrants it.

In short, it is a refusal to take responsibility for life. Undiagnosed and untreated, Peter Pan Syndrome will result in years wasted in the pursuit of things which do not matter.

I think I am actually starting to enjoy growing up- I like the freedom, I feel like I am finally getting to know myself. And there is nothing more annoying than being involved with someone who is downright depressed about getting older and the responsibilities that come with it. Peter Pans usually respond to anything involving responsibility with “Man-- i would love to be in college forever. Wouldn’t that be awesome?”

Um, no.

I wouldn’t go back to re-do college if you paid me in cupcakes. When you involve yourself with Peter Pans you often find yourself having to coach the guy along in his everyday life. You can try to convince him of all the awesome-ness of growing up. I know how this goes you tell him all the things you can do as an adult that you can’t do as a child: go out without asking permission, make and spend your own money however you want, sex, driving, the list goes on and on. But, I promise he won't be affected. He just wants to play and will ALWAYS refuse to be held accountable for his actions. Like that one time he called your friend a bitch at the bar, he couldn't possibly have said that-- must have been his stunt double. Hmmm I am not impressed.

In order to be content with a Peter Pan, you need to be a Wendy. And a Wendy I am NOT. I refuse to enable your sickness and I will never be your mother. So ladies if your boyfriend thinks he’s Peter Pan, I’d fly away for now cause PETER IS TERMINAL

More On The Undefinable

2009-10-24T11:48:00.001-07:00

In thinking about one of my more recent posts about undefinable relationships and how contrary to what we might like, undefinable certainly does not mean unemotional - I remembered a story about a friend of mine from high school in Sydney who had decided it was time to confront the boy she had been seeing for three months.

They had been pretty solid for that time – hanging out regularly and exclusively and sharing some pretty spectacular sex – but she was never quite ready to bring up the whole “relationship” issue and kinda waited around thinking he was going to. She and I had always debated about what to do in a situation like hers. I, obviously, was all for laying my cards on the table. Right away. Many times too soon. She was in favor of a more traditional view: do not scare the boy off. Let him take the reins; make him come after you.

But, after a while, my friend decided it was time to tell him how she was feeling. She was smitten, she enjoyed his company and she wanted to make it all official. They were basically a couple as it was – minus the title – so what did she really have to fear?

She called the next morning to inform me that she was back on the singles market.

I was shocked. I was angry. I couldn’t even believe what I was hearing. The boy gave her the infamous excuse: “I really don’t want to hurt you, but I am just not good in relationships.” My friend handled the entire situation with poise, dignity and grace. I, on the other hand, wanted to Elena Bobbit his ass.

I understand that there are plenty of people out there who are not good at opening up or committing themselves to someone else, but what difference is there between what my friend and her man had before, and what they had now that the unmentionable had been mentioned? Did the relationship really change now that she had asked him if she was his girlfriend? I know not everyone is as open as I am, but doesn’t this boy (the one who claims he did not want to hurt my friend) have a responsibility to inform her of his intentions?

It’s probably not realistic to expect someone to be brutally honest on the first date (”I am totally only in this for the late-night sex!”), but this was not some sort of one-night-stand. He did relationship-y things! He led her to believe that this was something more without ever once pausing to make sure she was on the same page. He had plenty of time to open up. Yet he didn’t.

My friend explained to me that while the whole thing was rather upsetting, she didn’t regret a thing. She had a really fantastic three months and the not-so-relationship taught her a lot. And then I realized that maybe neither of us really had the whole “to tell, or not to tell” thing quite right. On the one hand, had she told him how she was feeling right off the bat she may never have wasted these three months. On the other, maybe these three months of companionship, fun and romance weren’t such a waste. Hmmmmmm

Girl Crush: Hillary Clinton

2009-10-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

Regardless of political affiliation, I think that Hillary Clinton is a phenomenal example of just how far you can go with dedication and hard work. From the moment John Edwards dropped out of the race in January, everyone knew it would be no ordinary primary season. Remaining contenders Obama and Clinton were very similar politically and both were making history by challenging the twin traditional societal norms of racism and sexism.

The upshot being of course that as the death knell sounds for the Clinton campaign politicos are not only discussing how she lost politically but also how the “female-thing” influenced voters.

I myself am hesitant to immediately point to sexism as the cause of her loss—just as I would have been equally reluctant to point to racism had Obama lost. Yet the uphill battle that Hillary’s campaign faced in the news media is a reminder of the difficulties of being a dominant and ambitious woman in today’s society.

While during the campaign we heard the tired old argument that a woman is too weak to be president especially during a time of war and that world leaders wouldn’t respect her (umm… yes let’s just discount Margaret Thatcher or Queen Elizabeth shall we?), Hillary came under intense fire for her personality as a woman.

To select a story at random, in April 2007, the New York Post said that Obama was the un-Hillary—“reasonable” as opposed to “shrill” and positive as opposed to “aggressive [ly]” partisan. Traditional society teaches us that characteristics such as being shrill and aggressive are far less desirable in a woman than in a man.

As a woman, however, such characteristics often seem somewhat necessary to make your voice heard in a cynical and glass-ceiling riddled world.

Hillary graduated from Yale Law in 1973. Let’s think about the implications of this.

Even today, law schools are seen as a bastion of sexism. Despite an overall higher female to male ratio throughout academic institutions, the majority of law schools still boast on average a 55% male -45% female composition. Princeton Review currently devotes an entire web page to helping female law school applicants choose a non-sexist institution.

Doonesbury, a strip with an often uncanny social commentary attached to its plot, highlights the sexism of the law school application process through the character of Joanie Caucus who first appeared in 1972.

Have I made my point?

Hillary has always known what she wanted to do and as she has demonstrated time and time again, she possesses the drive and ambition to achieve these goals. That is very threatening to the traditional male establishment.

As First Lady, she came under incredible fire for not being the tea-serving Barbara Bush or a homemaker like Nancy Reagan. She dared to use her position to lobby (aggressively and shrilly) for issues she cared about.

Hillary knew first hand how tough the election would be and yet she went for it anyway. It is that that makes me say thank You Senator Clinton. Thank you for your example of fearless defiance in the face of sexism.

Ghandi famously said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. This quote is usually associated with social justice issues but I feel it is equally appropriate here.

It’s Hillary’s challenge to us women: Be the change you wish to see in the world—fight societal expectations, break the glass ceiling, hold on to self-respect and dignity.

Hillary may have lost the presidential nomination but her dogged determination set an important precedent for future female leaders and I’d call that a roaring success.

Christians Now Convert Gays As Well!

2009-10-21T14:30:00.000-07:00

Today, being gay is not such a taboo. But in the utopian Christian world, being gay is still unacceptable.

As a former Vacation Bible School dropout, I can easily say that converts are whole-heartedly welcomed and celebrated in the church. But now, there is another type of conversion, a conversion from “straight” to gay to “straight” again that is also being welcomed and accepted.

This “conversion therapy” is really behavior modification or simply put, brainwashing.

From the article on ABC News, it sounds much like the movie So You Want to Be a Cheerleader.... except in real life (and maybe slightly less creepy…remember those outfits??). Making someone participate in so-called straight male activities like football banter with the guys or automobile maintenance aren’t any way to change their inherent attraction to one sex or another.

James Serra attended Love In Action, the largest gay “rehab” located in Tennessee. He spent THREE YEARS in the program and is now a counselor.

Serra said that he sees homosexuality as a behavior, a choice. Although he is still attracted to men, he has not acted on his feelings for eight years. He hasn’t been with a woman either.

I hate to break it to this guy, but that isn’t conversion, that’s a really long sex drought (sucks to be him).

As a reformed, and now much cooler and accepting person, I am here to say that I have a problem with the church trying to convert their gay population into a “straight population” because it is not going along with the message that Jesus (you know, that slightly important religious figure) tried so hard to preach: God loves everyone.

This does not exclude the vagabonds, the sex workers, the child molesters, the gays or the plain old sinners like myself. It is an all-inclusive club that everyone is invited to and no one is turned away at the door.

Perhaps it is my distaste for organized religion in general that makes me feel so bitter about these so-called “converts.”

I also have more than a few gay friends who are openly gay, active in the church and live in the South.

It gives me hope that not all Christians are crazy.

Chivalry; dying because of me?

2009-10-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, long after the feminist revolution dawned and yet before we could spell the word–let alone understand it–we were little girls. We knew we were equals to boys and no one was going to tell us we weren’t going to play soccer at recess with the toughest of them.

But if little Johnny knocked me over and didn’t stop to smile and help me up, well, then I told all of my friends he was a jerk. And this idea of “I’m as good as you so treat me like a princess” found itself a little home in our confused minds and it took over…without an invitation.

As we awkwardly tiptoed into the land of dating, this entire concept, fraudulent as it seems, was still very real. I’ve always been independent, strong, confident, smart (maybe a little full of myself, too), and was taught to believe that no guy could outdo me in ANYthing. So why did my mom tell me to let _______ pay for dinner on my first date? Why did my friends think it was “sweet” that he opened doors for me? How can we truly be equals if chivalry is still a card in this game?

Accepting the traditional nods from men that corner us into the position of being a “lady” directly contradicts so many other expectations that we have for men outside of dating.

And to tell you the truth, I feel sorry for guys these days. Many of my male friends complain to me that they have no idea what a girl wants.

“On one hand, she feels cheap and sexualized when you buy her a drink and on the other, she is insulted if you don’t at least offer.“

Chivalry is dying and we are killing it with our back and forth ideas of what a MAN today should be.

If we are all we crack ourselves up to be–independent, strong, confident, smart, AND capable of getting the same jobs as our male counterparts, then why on earth would we cling to these now foreign concepts of chivalry? It made sense for men to pay the way for their lady friends when ladies didn’t work, but things have changed.

So what’s our excuse?

Is it, in fact, fair for us to keep these romanticized notions as a standard for the men we meet?

Well, yes, you know what? It is.

I want to be his equal and I want to be his princess. But the only way this works is… if he’s my prince.

Men today cannot win me over with their roses nor their fortune. If a man wants to treat me like his damsel in distress, he will not get very far. I do not want to need him. (Nor do I need to). I simply need to want him. However, if we can both give and if we can both take and if we can both share, then f*ck it, lets ride off into the sunset together...

Banned Books? No Thanks!

2009-10-13T10:43:00.000-07:00

I love to read. Since day one of my existence I have always lived in a home with its own library. I can remember my younger years in Seattle when my mother an I would take our late night trips to Half Price Books (Redmond, Crossroads, Queen Anne, UW District) or sometimes hit up the Seattle Pacific University Library just for kicks. Having just “celebrated” banned books week in America, I started thinking about the importance of reading, the beauty of stories and how much books enrich all of our lives. And most of my thoughts came back to one single theme:

W.T.Eff?

Banning books? Seriously? First Obama gets attacked from those crazy right wing zealots who think he’s out to brainwash children by giving them talks on the importance of education and now reading is bad for children, too?

The whole thing is just absurd. Have people even read the books they’re trying to ban? How can a story about a pooh named Winnie who likes to eat honey and play in the woods with his other anthropomorphic friends possibly be bad? It seems like a book that is deemed “good” and “appropriate” these days is a book that will not inform your child of the existence of sex, racism, violence, homosexuality, the devil, bad language, and any other concept that will cause children to ask you awkward questions. The whole banned books thing will probably cause my IB English class to be renamed IB Literature That Will Morally Damage Your Soul.

Does this mean we should ban Pokemon as well, since the little animals “evolve,” which therefore enforces the idea of evolution and is therefore anti-Christian and therefore is Satanic? Winnie the Pooh may be the poster child for the obesity epidemic, his friend Eeyore for depression, and Kanga for single moms everywhere, but that doesn’t mean our younger siblings can’t read about them. I happen to like Tigger, even if he does have ADHD. And although Harry Potter may have “witchcraft and wizardry” and whatnot, it’s still one of the most significant contributions to literature in our lives, and as such, should be available to anyone who wants to read it.

So let’s take the attention and money away from banning books and focus on some more important things that should be eradicated from this planet. Because in 2009 there are so many things worse than kids in capes flying around on broomsticks or finding a lion in your closet.

1) Twilight movies

We can send a man into space but Hollywood can’t make a decent vampire movie. I loved the books! I read them all but the actors all have a deer-in-the-headlights look on screen and attempt to fly around like people in improperly rigged harnesses. There’s something oddly wrong with that. The only thing that could have made it worse was if they cast Megan Fox, and that’s only because she makes every movie ten times worse than it could’ve been, due to her acting skills, or lack thereof.

2) Crocs

Plastic rubber clogs with holes in them, with the loudest, most obnoxious colors imaginable. Need we say more?

3) Bikes on Campus

Convienent to a certain extent, but I'm sorry you can't ride on the footpaths, the grass and the roads and obey none of the rules or common courtesies of any of them. You are endangering both my and every other pedestrian Aggie's lives. You are now banned.

4) Livestrong bracelet knockoffs

One yellow cancer bracelet is enough. Do we really need people sprouting an armful of colored rubber with every imagined cause stamped across them? Be a little more original, please. Oh, and true story from a friend:

“Weight Watchers sent me a bracelet after I signed up for a meeting. It was white, with some rainbow stripes on the side. But why would I wear a Weight Watchers bracelet? Is it not obvious enough that I need to lose weight? Do I also need to tag myself with a FAT CHICK BRACELET?”

5) Facebook Relationship Statuses

These really get me going. Sure its all exciting at first, but when there is trouble in paradise the Facebook relationship status becomes a HUGE source or tension, confusion and downright drama. "Who will end it first? I don't want to be publicly dumped! I don't want to hurt his feelings!" Let's just ban it all together.

6) Creepy Facebook ads

Someone please tell me how Facebook has managed to eerily know everything about us and assume what we want. Apparently because it says feminist somewhere on my profile Facebook assumes that I am looking for a "Moon Cup" which I clicked once and its a creepy alternative to tampons. Um no thanks! BANNED.

7) A few select man trends

Including: rattails, monster trucks, Ducks Unlimited Stickers, the deer stickers that for 2 years I thought were dancing people, hairy backs, man-purses, chains, a gazillion tattoos, mandals, and transparent shirts.

8) Starving Hollywood celebrities

Rachel Zoe, Renee Zellweger, Tori Spelling, Victoria Beckham, Amy Winehouse, and Ashlee Simpson all need to eat a few burgers before they’re fit for the public. Young people these days have enough to worry about besides trying to look like a skeleton. Save that look for Halloween, please.

9) Fat people falling/ Fugly Little Girls Singing Youtube videos

Guilty pleasure number one, but really should be banned to relieve my soul from residing too much in an immoral state of being. I really shouldn’t watch Scarlet taking a tumble a million times and laugh hysterically every time I see it; it’s bad for me as a conscientious human being, I’m pretty certain.

10) Closed minds with open mouths
As a current student at Texas A&M it has become widely apparent that some people live in a bubble. Well I think its time to burst that bubble; open your mind and shut your mouth! I know for fact that you can be incredibly smart but when you don't do your research and you just believe something cause well... you just do, it's not an acceptable answer. It wouldn't be held up in a court of law and its not held up in the court of Whitney. BANNED.

Anything else you think we should ban?

Blurry Lines

2009-10-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

I hate most of my exes. Mostly because I’m not even sure I can call them my exes. You see, in the world of the eternally single, you rack up a lot of blurry relationships with people. We go on dates, but we’re not dating. We’re dating, but we’re not together. We’re together, but he’s not my boyfriend. We make out every Tuesday, Thursday, and third Friday of the month, but that’s it.

It’s bad enough when it’s occurring, but when the sordid, undefinable tryst ends…you don’t even know how to bitch about them! Man, that “guy who I used to sometimes make out with (and one time I think we went on a date, but it was only kind of a date because we didn’t refer to it as one)… really sucks.” God. It takes up more effort than the half assed relationship ever did.

The worst of it followed me out this week. Earlier in the summer, I had become interested in (obsessed with) a cute, smart, funny dude I had met while I was out. I gave him my number, and we ended up hanging out (making out) a few times. I started to get frustrated when I realized the extent of our hanging out was us making out, so I finally grew a metaphorical pair and told the horny jerk off. And of course with my luck, two days after I stand up for myself by acting like a crazy bitch, I run into him while I’m out with friends. College Station is a small place! Do I need to move to Sydney?

He came up to me and asked how I was doing, then said he hadn’t called lately because he lost my number (Guys: get a new excuse, this one insults my intelligence). I made the conversation last as long as I could before he could see that I was tearing up in public a little (shut up), then proceeded to go back to my group of friends and take the ensuing frustration out on them (again, shut up).

And they kind of didn’t get it. He wasn’t really an ex, after all. He was just some guy. But in all honesty, he wasn’t just some guy; he was some guy I had hopes for, and eventually some guy who let me down. And while that’s no excuse for being a jackass to your friends, it hurt to see him. It hurt to have him lie to me. It especially hurt to see him walk out of the place with his arms around that trashy KKG. There may have been no official label between us, but I guess no one told my emotions that they had to wait for that to kick in.

When the lines between you are so blurred, it’s hard to describe how or why…but you can still get hurt. Not getting a fourth date with a dude you really liked may not have the same crippling emotions as ending a 3 year relationship, but why can’t we admit that it still kind of stings? Even getting to know someone then realizing YOU don’t like him is a big old let down. All of these things are still disappointments, heartbreakers, and ultimately things that ruin our trust in relationships… and sometimes in ourselves.

And yet it seems we have to be ashamed to admit what should be obvious: undefined does not equate unemotional. Whether or not it reached relationship status, or even second date status, these are people who mattered enough to spend time and effort on. And it completely sucks when that time and effort turns out to be wasted. Come on, I’ve seen them in their skivvies… of course I’m bummed when their actions are not as great as their ass haha.

It’s just important to realize that emotions can happen for people you intended to be completely unemotional with. So whether it’s an ex-boyfriend or ex-dude who took you out to dinner, it’s still someone who was careless with your precious feelings. And you had better believe those are precious! So go right on ahead… you’re allowed to eat too much ice cream and call him, whatever he was, a jackass.

Political Ramblings From Your Favorite Latte Sippin' Liberal

2009-10-01T11:56:00.000-07:00

I know that I benefit from capitalism, I don't think that capitalism HAS to be bad. All I am asking for is CORPORATE responisbility and ethical practice domestically and abroad. BUT I want YOU to recognize that YOU benefit from socialism. And YOU would not be who YOU are today without it. GUARANTEED. AMERICA NEEDS AND RELIES UPON "SOCIALIST" PROGRAMS AND STRUCTURES.
According to the ideology of the American Dream, America is the land of limitless opportunity in which individuals can go as far as their own merit takes them. A Meritocracy. According to this ideology, you get out of the system what you put into it. Getting ahead is ostensibly based on individual merit, which is generally viewed as a combination of factors including innate abilities, working hard, having the right attitude, and having high moral character and integrity. Americans not only tend to think that is how the system should work, but most Americans also think that is how the system does work. Agreeable? I will assume so.
Hard work. Working hard is often seen in this context as part of the merit formula in the myth of a meritocracy. Heads usually nod in acknowledgment whenever hard work is mentioned in conjunction with economic success. Rarely is this assumption questioned. But what exactly do we mean by hard work? Does it mean the number of hours expended in the effort to achieve a goal? Does it mean the amount of energy or sheer physical exertion expended in the completion of tasks? Neither of these measures of “hard” work is directly associated with economic success. In fact, those who work the most hours and expend the most effort (at least physically) are often the most poorly paid in society. By contrast, the really big money in America comes not from working at all but from owning, which requires no expenditure of effort, either physical or mental. In short, working hard is not in and of itself directly related to the amount of income and wealth that individuals have.
Social mobility is actually hardest according to multiple studies and statistics (if you want them I can get them for you) in the USA over any other industrialized nation. Germany, UK, France, Australia, Sweden you name it BLAH BLAH BLAH etc etc. Now let's ponder some possible barriers to individuals social mobility. There are a variety of social forces that tend to suppress, neutralize, or even negate the effects of merit in the race to get ahead. We might collectively refer to these forces as “social gravity.” These forces tend to keep people in the places they already occupy, regardless of the extent of their individual merit. First and foremost among these nonmerit factors is the effect of inheritance, broadly defined as the effects of initial class placement at birth on future life chances. Inheritance is not just bulk estates that are transferred upon the death of parents. Inheritance refers more broadly to UNEQUAL STARTING POINTS in the race to get ahead. The race to get ahead is like a relay race in which we inherit an initial starting point from parents. For a while, we run alongside our parents as the baton is passed, and then we take off on our own. In this relay race, those born into great wealth start far ahead of those born to poor parents, who have a huge deficit to overcome if they are to catch up. Indeed, of all the factors that we might consider, where we start out in life has the greatest effect on where we end up, in the United States more than any other industrialized nation a person is more likely to remain in the socio-economic class of which they were born (Nakayama). Now, I have heard your story and everyone and their dogs "my dad..." and the same is true for mine. His father skipped town and my dad grew up on welfare and got government loans and grants to pay for his tertiary education as an engineer. Alll the more reason to put back into the system he says. But when all is said and done in the race to get ahead, the effects of inheritance come first and merit second, not the other way around.
Education is another factor widely seen as responsible for where people end up in the system. The role of education in getting ahead in America, however, is not as simple as is often assumed. On the one hand, those with more education, on average, have higher income and wealth. Education is thus often seen as the primary means of upward social mobility. In this context, education is widely perceived as a gatekeeper institution which sifts and sorts individuals according to individual merit. Grades, credits, diplomas, degrees, and certificates are clearly “earned,” not purchased or appropriated. But, as much research has demonstrated, educational opportunity is not equally distributed in the population (Bowles and Gintis). Upper class children tend to get upper class educations (e.g. at elite private prep schools and ivy league colleges), middle class children tend to get middle class educations (e.g. at public schools and public universities), and working class people tend to get working class educations (e.g. public schools and technical or community colleges), and poor people tend to get poor educations (e.g. inner city schools that have high drop out rates and usually no higher education). Educational attainment clearly depends on family economic standing and is not simply a major independent cause of it. The quality of schools and the quality of educational opportunity vary according to where one lives, and where one lives depend on familial economic resources and race. Most public schools, for instance, are supported by local property taxes. The tax base is higher in wealthy communities and proportionally lower in poorer areas. These discrepancies give rise to the perpetual parental scramble to locate in communities and neighborhoods that have reputations for “good schools,” since parents want to provide every possible advantage to their children that they can afford. To the extent that parents are actually successful in passing on such advantages, educational attainment is primarily a reflection of family income. In sum, it is important to recognize that individual achievement occurs within a context of unequal educational opportunity.
Capitalism. Let's look at things that capitalism relies upon. For example, capitalism is dependent upon a certain percentage of the population being unemployed- the flexible work force or as far as labor theory of value is concerned "surplus of labor"– these people stand reserve in order to deal with fluctuations (See Michael Perelman’s “The Invention of Capitalism.") It is a system that depends on unemployment at home and excessively cheap labor abroad. It is a system that relies upon a steady birthrate of replacement or more, women's reproduction and their undervalued unpaid labor. It is a system that cannot – and that is what we’re witnessing now – sustain itself in an equilibrium, but must always expand, but where to expand when the last tree is cut down and the last river runs dry? Also- capitalism is dependent upon public education in that it requires a skilled workforce. In just the same way, it needs a living and healthy workforce. The assurance of public education and public health maintains capitalism.
I think we need to stop seeing Socialism and Capitalism as a political dichotomy- it is best to look at these as a spectrum or dialectic (push pull tension) if you will. Socialist programs can exist in a Capitalist state. Let’s stop pretending that socialism isn’t woven into the fabric of this country just as much as capitalism. I believe that Republicans once turned on their own (President Eisenhower) when they accused the T.V.A. of being “creeping socialism.” And, of course, it was this same “socialist” who helped inspire the interstate highway system (which you mentioned and I am sure you utilized you socialist you!!!). But where else, besides highways and hydroelectric dams, might the paranoid look to find successful examples of “socialism” in the U.S.? The list should probably include: public schools and universities(did you attend them--- your kids???); public libraries; local, state, and federal law enforcement agencies(should we do away with these too??); both full-time and volunteer fire departments; public hospitals; the military (comprising several branches, complete with a standing army); etc. And this list doesn’t even include CORPORATE WELFARE which, prior to the recent bail-outs, has subsidized almost every “private” economic activity in the country: farming, housing, small business, oil exploration, space exploration, computers, nuclear reactors, pharmaceuticals, etc. So, you see, when the money goes to advance corporate interests, it is called “progress.” When it goes to help individual citizens in need, it is called “socialism.” To allow private insurance companies to let private profit maximizing decisions get in between a patient and a doctor is close to unethical. In Australia (where I spent a considerable amount of my life), you get the same care no matter if you are a homeless drunk or the C.E.O. of one of the biggest companies. And that’s how it should be. They say that the measure of a country’s success lies in how it treats its most unfortunate citizens...

That's it. PS I will be seeing Capitalism: A Love Story tonight. Call me if you wanna join.

Men Are Actually Quite Simple

2009-09-12T16:26:00.000-07:00

Let’s be real, dating can be.... SCRATCH THAT..... IS an absolute nightmare. And how many times have we sent a “this just isn’t going anywhere” text, wishing that we hadn’t just wasted two months of our precious time on this guy? Time we could have spent hanging out with the girls, reading Texts From Last Night, shaving our bikini lines or something equally important.

One too many.

And that is why we’re going to help you girls out. Men are very simple creatures, so simple in fact, that they can be neatly organized into a Venn diagram with pretty colors like the ones we used to color in elementary school.

This little ditty sums up the male gender in very simple terms, making it effortless for us girls to identify what sort of person our new prospect actually is, without the wasted month of dating to find out.

And it’s 100% accurate.

IF YOUR GUY IS HOT: mmmm! yay... NOT SO FAST SISTER because if he's also NICE ... than he’s dumb. The end.
IF HE'S NICE: everyone loves the nice guy! HA! NOT !... because if he's also the one answering all the questions in your PoliSci class than he’s a nerd.
IF HE'S ANSWERING ALL THOSE QUESTIONS while tossing back that gorgeous hair and flexing his muscles, he’s an ass.

Of course there are varying degrees of the above types. Your gorgeous, nice boy may be able to form coherent sentences, but after three weeks of him dying all his whites pink (“Why can’t I just throw in my red boxers?”), the diagram has proved correct.

It might seem too easy. It may seem too shallow. But it also seems eerily true. Thinking back on every guy I’ve ever dated, I can’t seem to find any exceptions to the rules.

Basically, the perfect guy is gay.
End of Story.

Slap In The Face...Book!

2009-09-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

I have a pretty boring morning routine. I hear my alarm go off on my new sweet Samsung touch screen phone continue to hit snooze until I only give myself twenty minutes to get ready. Then the routine:

- Stretch. Rub face seven times.
- Tear out of bed when I realize that I’m already running thirty minutes late.
- Check out face- think last nights makeup looks kickass
- Find something on floor to wear, get dressed, brush teeth, put one layer of mineral veil on
- Run into room, notice that I have an extra five minutes.
- Check Facebook.

Yes, Facebook is usually a part of my morning routine. Sometimes even taking precedent over a nutritious breakfast. Sad, but true.

You log in and scroll through Newsfeed, which usually goes a little something like this: status updates from “kind-of” friends, photos posted from family vacations that you don’t care about, “top 5 favorite Miley Cyrus songs” (she even has 5 songs?), event notification for a band you’ve never heard of, “What’s my Ghetto Name,” more status updates, ex-boyfriend is no longer listed as single, status upd… WAIT WHAT?!

Scroll back up in a panic, hoping you misread. Nope. We have confirmation: That stupid little pink heart is practically jumping off the screen paired with your recent ex, boyfriend/ crush's name/ etc. Maybe you already knew they were in a relationship, maybe you had no idea, maybe they broke up with you via Facebook, maybe you went out on a few dates and you thought things were going places but now they are in a relationship with someone who is NOT you.

Whatever the case is, this relationship update is a slap in the face…book.

Why do we care?

In my experience, I knew that it was coming. I knew about my ex’s new girl before it was “Facebook official,” but seeing it broadcast to the entire Facebook world put a horrible feeling in my stomach and, for once, it wasn’t the cookie dough/ Lucky Charms combination I chomped on for breakfast that caused the pain.

I spent a good twenty minutes staring blankly at my computer screen. Maybe if I stared at the teensy little evil heart on my screen, it would turn black and freeze, sort of like mine did. No dice. Maybe it would break into two, the way that it does when you list yourself as “single.” Nope. Still there. Still intact, the “no longer listed as single” pink heart. AKA: The “too-cool-for-school” way of declaring a relationship.

After getting to school or work and experiencing servere agita the entire morning, I decided to consult my good friend on why relationship status on Facebook matters. I spilled the situation and told her, “I’m so busy and having all this exciting life stuff happening… why does a stupid Facebook relationship, or lack thereof, make me so upset?”

She put it best and said, “Because now everyone knows that he ‘won’ the breakup. Even though it may not normally be such a big deal to you, knowing that it’s a big deal for everyone else who sees it is the worst.”

Ouch. Really? Won?

She’s right. Facebook’s news feed has become a drama-filled newsletter that we all subscribe to. Even if you know your ex is dating someone new, it still bites seeing pictures of them together plastered all over the place. Yah, you know the ones where she looks pretty and he looks happy?? And it doesn’t even have to be a break-up; even if it’s something as simple as a friend excluding you from plans, Facebook makes it visible to you and everyone you hang out with. It sucks. It really sucks.

I feel stupid at first when I get upset over something that happens on Facebook. I mean, it’s just Facebook right? It’s not like it matters. But you know what? It does matter and it’s okay to feel crappy. Of course Facebook isn’t reality, but when your dirty laundry is out there for your entire social network to see it’s going to be painful. Sometimes you need to just swallow your pride and admit to yourself that someone hurt your feelings, and even though it was through Facebook, it feels just as crappy as when you found out the first time over the phone.

Except it’s worse; finding out via your newsfeed means you can’t hang up on them. And that’s the most gratifying part.

Can I Play Too?

2009-08-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

On Why I Want an Invite to the Boys Club

It was a feeling that started with the Ocean’s 11 movie franchise, and then Judd Apatow (producer, director, screen writer of Superbad, Anchorman, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Talladega Nights and Knocked Up) came along and just knocked it into next week: sometimes I just wish I was part of the boy’s club. I want to drink whiskey or beer and talk about chicks, sex and make dirty jokes with my friends all day!

Okay, I’m kidding. Well, half kidding, anyway. It does sound like fun. But more to the point, it got me thinking about gender roles in a broader sense (because why don’t I like girl’s club movies, a la SATC and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, in the same way?) and I reached the same conclusion: “damn, sometimes I wish I was a guy!”

Women’s roles have changed a lot in recent generations, and for that we can all be very, very grateful. But there are certain things that get me all hot and bothered in the penis envy department. Let’s start with the simple ones:

1. Gotta pee? Pick a street corner!

2. Too hot out? Take your shirt off!

3. Not in the mood for foreplay? It’s optional!

4. Need a haircut? That’ll be $10, please!

5. Your friend is leaving early, so you’ll be walking home alone? No problem!

Okay, those are the easy ones. And now things get a little more complicated:

The Good

Sex! I. Love. Sex. Yet the he's a stud/she's a slut conundrum still plagues us, and that, for me, is one of the most grating. And now that men are getting carte blanche (blank check) left and right to cheat, with studies and authors validating the long held notion that men have a primal need to sow their oats and create as many offspring as humanly possible for the survival of the species, they’re practically expected to bang everything in sight! Women who do that are either a wee bit slutty or defined as “having sex like a man.” I guess that’s supposed to be a form of reclaiming the sexual standard, but as long as it’s still defined in terms of one gender or another, I don’t think we’ve gotten that far.

Also good: Sex without fear of pregnancy (because I’m sorry, you will never convince me that men worry about this as much as women) would be awesome! How many panicked “I think I might be pregnant” phonecalls/IMs etc have we all gotten from friends in our lifetimes? So, fellas, you had some not-my-best-decision unprotected sex? No morning after pills for you!

The Bad

Women are programmed to care about others more and think about themselves less (this is not natural- please spare me the naturally nurturing BS), and sometimes it sounds so good to just be totally selfish. Taking other people’s thoughts and feelings into consideration can be exhausting, but at the same time we would be wracked with guilt were we to ignore them! What’s a girl to do?

Also bad: This whole “gender pay gap” issue, still unresolved. The Lilly Ledbetter Act gives us hope, but really? It’s 2009. I understand that we may make less in our lifetimes if we choose to have children and work less, but if we are working the same amount in the same job, we damn well better be getting paid the same amount!

The Ugly

Men can carry a little extra weight, age a little faster, and no one seems to mind. I know these are only things we care about because we live in a society that tells us our physical appearance is a priority, and it is within my power to ignore that if I choose. But the fact that I have to choose is what I’m really addressing. I’m not saying it’s SOOO hard to be a woman because we have to be thin/pretty/ young/smart/successful: we don’t have to be anything. But you cannot go through life being unaware of what these expectations are, and deciding to heed them or not is a choice we all have to make. Men don’t seem to have to make that same decision.

Also ugly: Guys, are you 40 and single? Nobody notices!

Any guys out there want to weigh in? Are there downsides to being a guy that I’m not seeing? There are definitely things I dig about being a lady, but I’d love to get an outsider’s perspective.

An Ode to the Single People

2009-07-26T21:53:00.000-07:00

I know where you are right now, Little Miss Single. Because I used to be there, too. You’re sad you don’t have a boyfriend. Your friends are going on double and triple dates, and you’re still sitting by your phone waiting for your last ditch effort at romance to call. But why is a boyfriend so essential? For as progressive and liberal we like to think we are as a society, it seems our love for single people is limited to “Sex and the City.” Sure, it’s cool when fictional characters do it, but let’s call it for what it is; it seems like the single gal in the group is usually pitied or looked down upon.

I’ve had friends tell me things ranging from, “It’s okay…you’ll be happy one day” (because obviously the only way to be happy is to get a man) to “(Gasp, Horrer, SHOCK) Whitney!!! You can't do that!!” (awww you’re such a sweet friend). Why does casual dating get such a bad rap? It’s not like I go out every Friday night in a hot pink tube dress and ride a mechanical bull until a group of frat boys takes me home for a gang bang. Well, not every Friday, anyways.

Moving on…

I’m freaking here to say it: dating is healthy! No matter what the larger part of society thinks, it is not pathetic and it is not slutty. I am 22, I am in college, I am a progressive and (please don’t read this part, dad) sexual woman. And yeah, sometimes it sucks. I don’t usually have guys to just stay in and watch movies with (I got my girls for that). I’m often the third or fifth or seventh wheel when I go out with groups of friends. I haven’t gotten close enough to a guy to tell him about my insane fear of getting close to a guy. But you know what? I ain’t going to push it. It’s either going to happen, or it’s not. I refuse to grab an anonymous twenty something male off the street because I’m tired of being lonely. I’ve seen too many of my friends settle for guys just because they wanted a date to a date party, or and invite to New Orleans and then wind up with an unfulfilling boyfriend who is obsessed with Nickleback two years later. Yeah, talk about a dud.

I’d also like to point out that beyond it being healthy, dating is really, really freaking fun. Once you get over the obsession of turning every single guy who buys you a drink into the love of your life, you realize the non romantic benefits of the single life. You get to hone your flirting skills. You get to meet new people, and decide what you hate about them. You get hi-larious stories that your coupled friends are definitely jealous of (if they deny this, that just means they are BEYOND jealous). And most importantly, you get to discover an amazing range of things about who you are and what you want out of life (besides free drinks and a steamy make out session, I mean). I’ve always been the type of person with an insane lust for adventure and experience; the single life, for the time being, satiates that better than any relationship ever could!

You see, somewhere between finishing a 6 pack of fat free chocolate pudding and spending my last $200 dollars at Forever 21 as a form of therapy, I realized something: I’m not good at relationships. And since my reproductive organs are not about to give way anytime soon, there’s no reason I have to force myself to be. Am I probably doing something completely wrong in my relationships with men? Yeeeeeah. But the best way to fix that is through actually learning about myself, what I want, and who I want. Not forcing myself to enter a conventional relationship because all the cool kids are doing it; that’s no way to really learn how to love. Relationships are hard work! They take all sorts of time, and energy, and minutes on your cell phone plan. And while I’d be willing to go over my monthly texts and then some for Mr. Right, I’m not going to go through that BS for Mr. Not That Into Me, Mr. IQ in The Double Digits, Mr. Frat boy that can't hold his liquor even as a senior or Mr. Personality of a Rock.

Being the perpetual single friend has actually done quite a bit to shape my personality, my outlook on life, and my own personal growth. Why be so hasty to do away with something that makes me who I am? I don’t see it as a blessing or a curse; it’s simply a state of being. The Buddhists tell you that if you end desire, you will end suffering. I am willing to take this pearl of wisdom when it comes to dating…just not when it comes to lusting after Forever's weekly Thursday shipment.

So break the misconception! Instead of being “sad, mopey” single friend, embrace being the “awesome stories, awesome experiences, awesome outlook” single friend. Call it what you will, but it’s certainly a better survival mechanism.

Stoned Wallabies Accused of Mystery Crop Circles in Tasmania

2009-06-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

Thu Jun 25, 1:30 pm ET

SYDNEY (Reuters) – The mystery of crop circles in poppy fields in Australia's southern island state of Tasmania has been solved -- stoned wallabies are eating the poppy heads and hopping around in circles.

"We have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," the state's top lawmaker Lara Giddings told local media on Thursday.

"Then they crash. We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high," she said.

Many people believe crop circles that mysteriously appear in fields around the world are created by aliens.

Poppy producer Tasmanian Alkaloids said livestock which ate the poppies were known to "act weird" -- including deer and sheep in the state's highlands.

"There have been many stories about sheep that have eaten some of the poppies after harvesting and they all walk around in circles," said field operations manager Rick Rockliff.

Australia produces about 50 percent of the world's raw material for morphine and related opiates.

(Reporting by Michael Perry; Editing by Sanjeev Miglani)

Disclaimer:

2009-06-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

Although I do not feel obliged to tell you "my number" and justify my sexual conquests I realized my blog makes me sound a bit like a "Jenna Jameson." Alas- I am not - my number fits on one hand :) But even if it didn't who are you to judge?

Uncle Jesse is the Reason I am Still Single

2009-06-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

Everywhere I go, I see couples of all shapes and sizes. I’m no Supermodel, but (arguably) I’m not a total trainwreck either; I’m literate, have seen “Iron Man” at least six times, and shower almost everyday. So why isn’t anyone spooning with me?

After analyzing all of my failed attempts into coupledom, I realized it’s not me doing something wrong–it’s every guy I’ve ever been with: they never meet my standards. But what are my standards? Two words: Uncle Jesse.

That’s right, Uncle Jesse is my dream man. The Prince Charming to my Cinderella, the McDreamy to my Dr. Grey, the Richard Gere to, well, everybody’s mom.

John Stamos’ portrayal of Uncle Jesse on the sitcom “Full House” entered my life at a young and impressionable age. I mean, it’s kind of weird to say that he shot me into puberty before I was out of diapers, but since I could process emotions, I’ve known who the man for me is.

Why waste time on the frat guy with premature male-pattern baldness, EXHIBIT A:
or the dude with those queso-stained pants that used to live on my floor? I’m still a young sprite, and am in no rush to lower my standards, thankyouverymuch.

Here are the top 5 reasons why Uncle Jesse is the reason I’m still single:

5) He’s the ultimate Family Man. When he wasn’t being the most supportive and loving uncle to DJ, Steph and Michelle, he was being the only dad that actually deserves the “World’s Greatest Dad” mug on Father’s Day. He was always there for his family when they needed him, and most of all: he enjoyed being there (forget for about 9 minutes that he is a fictional character and bear with me).

4) Have you seen his hair? EXHIBIT B: The fact that he has a gorgeous face and perfect bod doesn’t even matter, because his hair is outstanding. So thick, so luxurious, so…anti-bald. It’s literally the type of fictional hair that Walt Disney created for all of his movie princes.

3) He’s a musician. And often sings with The Beach Boys. Who doesn’t like the freakin’ Beach Boys? Every time I stumble into one of his music videos on MTV2, my heart goes all a’flutter and junk. That soothing voice…those 6 chords from Heaven…um, I need a minute to myself, sorry.

2) He’s the type of bad boy every girl dreams of–with the good guy heart of gold beneath that leather jacket. EXHIBIT C:
He’s this bad-ass rocker that you can totally take home to Mom. After rocking out onstage and fending off hoards of groupies, he comes home to play the kids a lullaby: ad-or-able!

1) This Video Everything about this video explains why I love him…maybe minus that one foot-shaking scene; that was kind of weird.

I know Uncle Jesse is just a fictional character. But with over 6 billion people on this planet, at least one of them has to be a guy with a guitar, a heart and a great head of hair, and I’m willing to wait “forever” to find him.

Trying Something New: G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)

2009-06-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

After a drunken conversation over the weekend about my number one GWWE, I thought it was about time to pay homage to our favorite journalist, the infinitely effable Anderson Cooper.

Let me make no mistake: Anderson Cooper is a stone cold F-O-X. They should change the call letters of his station from CNN to E-F-F, because when I tune in, all I see are Anderson’s steely blue eyes telling me he wants to jump my bones.

But Anderson isn’t just a journalistic automaton–the guy’s got substance. After graduating from Yale, he didn’t have a job and simply decided to fly himself to far-flung locales like Burma and Somalia to cover wars as a freelance journalist, which he wrote about in his book. He gained recognition for his hard-hitting news coverage, landing him a spot as a CNN reporter and anchor of the program Anderson Cooper 360. Known for his grit and endurance for reporting across the globe, Anderson also starred in the documentary Planet in Peril, about the most critical environmental issues facing the earth today (hot!!!).

But all work and no play would make Anderson a very dull boy. He is well-known for being down-to-earth and plugged in to today’s popular culture. He’s a BIG fan of Real Housewives of Atlanta, (as he’s professed on many talk shows), and has a Facebook and a Twitter. He made a big splash a few months ago (literally!) when he challenged Olympic swimming legend Michael Phelps to a mini-swimming race. Anderson may have lost the race, but ladies won the chance to see our favorite journo jock shirtless on national television. Most recently, he co-hosted CNN’s New Year’s Eve special with Kathy Griffin, where he professed his resolution to blog more in 2009. Will I be hanging on his every effable word? Yes, yes I will.

Don’t worry, I’ve read all the gossip. I could care less if he loves men, women, or panda bears–I’d like to dispatch Mr. Cooper to my bed to experience some of his hard-hitting coverage. “Anderson Cooper’s Effability” is the only breaking story on my news feed.

Being Drunk Makes Everything Okay!

2009-06-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

It’s no secret that alcohol changes people. After a night of drinking, we’re often surprised by what we may or may not have done during a night of debauchery. Oftentimes we end up with great stories, but there are also those nights that leave us wondering how the hell we ended up on a stranger’s couch with a Hawaiian lei that's smelled better, only one shoe, a purse full of ping pong balls, and 17 new phone numbers in our phone (all listed under names like, “BD,” “Creeper 383 guy,” and “hgjb52″) .

The truth is, alcohol lowers our inhibitions…and standards…for everything. We do things when we’re drinking that we’d never, ever, in a million years consider when we’re sober (like Taco Bell ormixing ranch dressing and brownies).

Here are five of the most common things that are oddly tolerable – and even preferred – when the booze is flowing through our systems:

The beer pong ball – Has anyone actually realized how unsanitary this thing is? Although no one EVER thinks about it when they’re playing, it’s pretty nasty. It’s falling on the floor (oftentimes a disgusting floor that hasn’t seen a mop since the between-tenants-landlord-cleaning) and god knows where else, but because you’re too drunk to notice how vile this is, you don’t care. Somehow it’s all okay because it’s been dipped into a cup of water. The same cup of water that was put there 2 hours before and has been dipped into hundreds of times by people you may not even know (but may make out with later…)

Frat house bathrooms – As far as sh*tholes (literally) go, these may be the worst. I have been in ones that not only don’t have toilet paper (forcing me to use a crumpled up … I don’t wanna talk about it), but also contain a bathtub filled with things one would rather not think about, a sink that doesn’t work, and a door that doesn’t even fully close. But because your drunk self needs to pee, you will brave the bathroom anyway. And you might even sit, being that squatting takes concentration that your drunk ass can’t muster up. When nature calls, you answer. Even if the response is possibly hazardous to your health.

Creepy people hitting on you – Who hasn’t had this happen? Inevitably, everyone is much more confident when they’re drunk, and they throw caution to the wind. Sadly, this not only applies to attractive and normal individuals but also unfortunate looking and strange people too. Yet, somehow, you don’t mind. In fact, due to your desire to swindle a free drink or those thick-ass beer goggles you’re wearing, you kinda like it. And may even leave with it…er…him.

Nudity - As a rule, most of us do not feel comfortable when sober to take off our clothes in front of complete strangers. Yet for some odd reason when we’re drunk, it seems acceptable. No, mandatory. Is there any more explanation needed?

Talking about taboo and inappropriate subjects – This is yet another side effect of increased confidence due to alcohol consumption. One begins to think that because they are drunk now would be an excellent time to tell everything about everyone. Your sex life? Everyone should know! That time your roommate had sex in the bathroom? Confession time! Your opinions about certain people that may or may not be in the vicinity? Mehhhh---Who cares?!

BONUS: Becoming BFFs with that chick you’ve hated for years - Nothing brings out the love like a bottle of booze. She may have stabbed you in the back and made your life hell, but now you’re drunk and hugging and you love her so much you just HAVE to do brunch next Sunday. WTF?

National Man Day!!

2009-06-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

For those of you still hiding out underneath your comforters, emerge and rejoice! For it is National Man Day today and what holiday could be better? I can hear you now, “But, I’m not a man…how could I possibly celebrate this wondrous yet highly sexist holiday?” Just use the following as a guide for your behavior today and no one will notice your lack of penis.

Enjoy a Short Attention Span - The only thing that you should be doing for longer than 5 mins is going to the bathroom or watching TV (sports and action/ comedy movies only, of course).

Don’t Call People - If you are dating someone, don’t call them. Wait for them to call you and possibly send a text tomorrow or the next day. You know, whatevs. You may, however, take some calls from your friends but you should communicate mostly in grunts and keep all conversations under 13 seconds.

Quote Bad Movies (Pineapple Express, Superbad, The Hangover)or Family Guy episodes – No need to think, just respond to everything with some random and obscure quote from a really bad movie or 6-year-old episode of Family Guy. People will think you’re really funny.

Eat…Everything - Seriously. Everything in your fridge, your cupboards, or anywhere else in your house that you can find food (that slice of pizza under your bed? Done deal) is fair game. Extra points if you eat mostly red meat or horrible take-out food (massive amounts of sober Taco Bell, anybody?).

Perpetrate Random Acts of Violence - I’m not talking about going out and shanking your neighbor, but punching everyone you see in the arm as a friendly “Hello” would work just fine. Also, random and totally not homosexual wrestling matches will be acceptable.

Go Hygiene Optional - You have full permission to roll out of bed, throw on that t-shirt you worked out in the last three days and those shorts that are on your floor and call it good for the day. After all, you’ll just be sitting around watching TV with your hand down your pants – that is, when you’re not grabbing food or blowing things up with your friends.

Think About Sex. All Day. Without Fail. If you’re eating lunch, think about eating a sandwich while having sex. If you are driving, think about having sex while driving. If you are watching Family Guy think about having sex with Meg. If you can actually be bothered to take a shower- think about having sex in the shower. Catch my drift-- think about sex wherever you are and with whatever you are doing.

Good luck, ladies. I have already gotten a good start on National Man Day by not answering my phone, not getting dressed, and thinking about sex since the moment the clock struck 12:00. It’s good to be a guy!

Liberated from Labels

2009-06-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

Who I was in the third grade does not define who I am today, and who I slept with four months ago doesn’t either.

If I wear 4-inch patent leather pumps and a cheetah-print dress on Monday, I’ll be viewed just a little differently by men–and women!–than when I wear nikes and a Jonas Brothers T-Shirt ( I do not have one-- but who cares if I did?) on Tuesday. Even worse: I’ll actually be treated differently, too. But I’m going to change my outfits daily, because my moods will change daily, and that decision to choose what I wear when I wear it is a no-brainer. So if I go home with a guy after meeting him in a bar and have wild, upside-down, “we should totally record this!” sex one night, and then meet another dude a few weeks later but prefer just to spoon and watch “The Bachelorette,” (hypothetical guy is really sweet-- he always lets me choose) why am I deemed a slut for having sex and then a prude for not putting out? And why do I even care so much about these labels?? They’re inaccurate and not definitive of who I am at all.

Guys get to brag about their sex lives, while I am stuck making justifications for mine. Just because I’m “choosy” and have a couple of standards, it doesn’t mean I’m looking to find “true love” in some lad’s loins. But I’m not looking to sex up anyone with a penis and a pulse just to prove I own my sexuality, either.

I am just trying to find some happiness, and I don’t want an irrelevant label taking that opportunity away from me.

So no more, I say! I won’t let a label try to define or bully me another second. I will only accept being branded a person with thoughts, desires, fears and experiences that help make me who I am today, even if who I am will be different tomorrow.

There is so much more to me than the sex I am–or am not–having!

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself...

2009-06-08T06:11:00.000-07:00

There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell... leap.

Feminism is Good For Everyone (trust me)

2009-06-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

Contrary to popular opinion, feminism and romance are not incompatible and feminism may actually improve the quality of heterosexual relationships, according to Laurie Rudman and Julie Phelan, from Rutgers University in the US. Their study also shows that unflattering feminist stereotypes, that tend to stigmatize feminists as unattractive and sexually unappealing, are unsupported.

...

They found that having a feminist partner was linked to healthier heterosexual relationships for women. Men with feminist partners also reported both more stable relationships and greater sexual satisfaction. According to these results, feminism does not predict poor romantic relationships, in fact quite the opposite.

...

In fact, feminist women were more likely to be in a heterosexual romantic relationship than non-feminist women.

It's not complicated to figure out why feminists would have more fulfilling relationships and better sex lives. When you see your partner as a human being and not a means to an end, you're going to pick a partner you actually like, and your partner is going to feel valued for who they are, not for what they can give you. When you think that sex is a mutually pleasurable event where both partners should be comfortable and fully satisfied and neither should feel guilty or mistreated, you're going to have better sex. When you see women as full-fledged people with full human rights -- not baby incubators, not "the fairer sex," not "compliments" to your existence, not status symbols, not holders of sex, not property, not your own personal support staff -- you're going to enjoy their company more. And they're going to enjoy yours.

Jessica Valenti (arguably my favorite feminist of all time (sidenote: read "Full Frontal Feminism" - a book on how feminism is relevant to not just young women but to everyone)) talked about this in her book, and her common-sense observation seems to hold pretty true. Partnerships between equals, and between two people who perceive their partners as equal, are going to be healthier.

Men who think women exist to aid men's dominion are not going to be very good partners to women, and they're going to find themselves mighty frustrated whenever their female partner demonstrates that she has a brain and free will. Women who expect to be treated as sub-human, or who need male companionship for social and economic support, or who think sex is for male pleasure, or who expect their male partners to be unemotional and perpetually "manly" instead of fully human, are going to have a mighty hard time finding happiness in their relationships.

In my picture of a healthy and good relationship, both partners value each other for who they are, not just for what they can do for the other person. Both partners are free to choose who they want to be with, and aren't partnered for the sake of social approval or economic necessity or sexual permissibility. Both partners bring strength to the relationship, and those strengths aren't based on who is "supposed" to be good at what (i.e., he pays the bills and she does the dishes). Both partners have equal say and power within the relationship, and both are free to leave it. Both partners view sex as a pleasure to be shared, not as a bargaining chip to be exchanged for respect or commitment or a ring.

In another reading I did in "Yes Means Yes! : Visions of female sexual power and a world without rape." an anthology edited again by Valenti I read an "Immodest Proposal" which talks about scripts and how most of our intimate relationships and their respective parts (marriage and sex) are scripted. That is much of what we believe about sex and marriage is socially constructed. Take sex for instance, men are expected to initiate and guide sexual activity and to be assertive and knowledgeable about sexual activity, and women are expected to be passive, compliant with the initiation of sexual activity, and responsive and pleased with a sexual encounter as it progresses. And while this isn't anyone's fault and Heather Corrinna, the respective author, isn't blaming anyone she discusses how these scripts hinder and limit the full expression of female sexuality. As a Buddhist, she points to the benefits of approaching all experiences (sexual or not) with blank slate, without any preconceived notions or judgments. She says, " The unknown can make us fearful, but the opportunity to have an unknown, to be able to approach something completely anew, is a gift."

She continues to describe a sort of feminist-Utopian-esque sex scene which upon sharing with some of my female friends was received VERY VERY VERY well. I will share some snipets with you now:

"The sex itself, well... its sweatier and sweeter all at once. When its tender, its not a Hallmark card-- but a cookie fresh out of the oven ; tender moist, delectable and melt in your mouth. When its forceful, it's not because one partner is being assaulted or objectified, but because the energy and strong unity of shared desire for one another feel so urgent and wanted that both partners leap upon them like someone whose been on hunger strike for a week might approach an all-you-can-eat buffet. Her expectations and the experience of this encounter are less like a country serenade and more like and 80's power ballad"

and

"whose hands are whose hands and whose limbs are whose limbs- it is tough to discern from the outside eye- they are moving too fervently and are too tangled to identify."

and

"nobody is stressed out because of how long it will go on for, because every few seconds are stretched out like taffy and feel like hours, if all of the sex is over in but a half an hour- both partners are surprised because it felt like mere moments and and days at a time, all at once."

The point is, if we approach all things with the freshest of eyes we can all benefit men and women alike. That, ultimately we are better off without scripts and labeling and that sex is a most human, and natural part of our existence with endless possibilities.

My advice: If the possibilities of sexual freedom are endless : explore them passionately, feverishly and enthusiastically (safely and responsibly of course :) )

The Ultimate Double Standard

2009-05-30T04:29:00.000-07:00

PLEASE DONATE TO HELP BUBBA THE CAT!!!

2009-05-20T15:18:00.000-07:00

Do you know who Bubba is? You don‘t?! Obviously, you have no heart.

Bubba is a cat who grew up on the mean streets of Chicago, spending the first few months of his young life all by his lonesome. After finally being adopted by a nice couple, Bubba was still unable to “flourish.” He was shy all the time, hated visitors, and was just generally one unhappy cat.

Bubba’s owners knew they had to do something, so they called up a pet psychic. They paid someone to tell them the inner thoughts of their cat. And you know what that psychic individual told them? The reason for Bubba’s unhappiness was an inner emotional struggle…that’s right…Bubba was a transgendered cat.

Even though Bubba was a boy, the pet psychic told his owners that Bubba identified as a female. Immediately, the owners jumped into action. They went about “accepting” Bubba’s feelings, and put up a website asking anyone who stumbled upon it to donate money for Bubba’s sex change operation.

How can anyone say no to such a realistic and heartfelt request? How could we possibly ignore the brave plight of Bubba the transgendered cat? The answer is that we can’t. So donate today. Bubba needs us, people.

http://helpbubba.synthasite.com/

The Bigger Picture.

2009-05-14T16:29:00.000-07:00

The lows will pass. They come into our life for a reason-- to enrich us, to draw us closer into the vast, glittery vividness of what it is to be human. Pain softens our hard edges and deepens our interaction with others. It helps us learn so we can then venture into the world wiser, softer, richer, more compassionate. It is all part of a bigger picture; a scarred, complex, intricate, glorious map of out living.

Confession: I am a Godess and it is highly likely that you are too!

2009-05-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

My body is holy.My body is so holy it almost hurts!

I like to think of myself that way. I am mystical, I am powerful. I am a goddess!! There are processes in my body that are scientifically fascinating (come on-- if I wanted I could grow another human being inside of me-- pretty impressive I think). Being female makes me miraculous - I can experience sensations that are practically beyond the scope of comprehension. I can orgasm, I can think, I can move, I can love. I can have children. I can do almost anything!!!!

I'm not the only who thinks the female body is holy, either. Every religion I have ever studied has revered the mother, revered the strength and intelligence of the young girl, of the older woman. Unfortunately, many if not most religions lose these elements in practice - but religious texts themselves are incredibly full with adoration of the female (as they should be- we are the miraculous givers of life- duh).

But usually, when people talk about the sacred nature of the female body, they aren't talking about the incredible things the female body can do and feel. They talk about purity.

They've got it entirely wrong.

When you value purity, you place the emphasis on having done nothing, having achieved nothing, having gained nothing and having lost nothing. The concept of purity has nothing to do with the concept of the sacred, as the sacred originally was in these religious texts.

There's a simple and essential difference in these two ideas about holiness. One is positive, one is negative. To tell a girl that she is holy only if she denies herself the natural impulse of her physical body is to tell her that she is made imperfectly - that if she slips, even in thought, she is entirely worthless. To tell a girl that she is holy because she is inherently sacred, that her body is incredible and should be appreciated and cared for - but not feared or denied - is to empower her. This messages gives her strength, gives her choice, makes her more important not only in her own eyes but in the eyes of her community.

So to the purity balls and the abstinence only movement and those who recruit for virginity pledges I say this: fuck you and your purity. Give me my sacredness back. I reclaim the word and it has nothing to do with whether or not I have sex. It has to do with the way I value myself. If I choose to have sex with and think myself sacred, I am sacred. If I am raped and I consider myself holy, I am holy. If I have sex with a woman and think myself sacred and think her sacred, then we are. If I have sex with a man and think myself sacred and think him sacred, then we are. If I choose not to have sex, I am sacred for choosing to care for my body in that way. If I am male and think my body sacred because of the incredible things my body can do, I am also sacred. If my body and my gender do not match this societally created dichotomy, I am also incredible and I am also sacred.

It's my body. They are our bodies. So give me, give us back the right to be sacred.

The Late Night Binge Session- We've all been there

2009-04-17T11:09:00.000-07:00

It doesn’t matter what school you go to, what state it is in, how big it is, whether it is public or private, all girls or coed…there are experiences that all college students share. No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you.

So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.

You woke up early to work out before class. After an hour on the elliptical and thirty minutes in the weight room (20 of which were spent staring at the dudes at the bench press), you head home to get ready for your day. You shower, throw on a pair of jeans, and grab a yogurt and some fruit on the way out the door.

For lunch you eat a salad (with the dressing on the side), and an huge glass of water.

Your afternoon snack is a Ziploc baggie filled with a handful ofalmonds and, if you really need it, a Grande coffee with 2 pumps of Sugar Free Vanilla from Starbucks.

For dinner you have a veggie burger and a baked potato. You treat yourself to a can of Diet Coke. You feel full and satisfied; all this healthy eating and living isn’t really as hard as you were expecting it to be!

While you are downing the last of your D.C. your roommate runs into the room and invites you to the bar.

“Come onnnnnn. Pleaaaase? I don’t wanna go aloooooone. I promise it will be fun. I’ll buy you drinksssss!”

You weren’t planning on going (in fact you were planning on laying in bed and watching Sister Act 2 with a bag of Smart Pop Kettle Korn), but she looks so pathetic…and you wouldn’t mind having a drink.

So, you go. And one Vodka and Soda (a very low calorie beverage) leads to two, which leads to shots, which lead to cigarettes, which lead to beers. Eventually you are too drunk to make good decisions and all that hard work you did all week is out the window. Even that dance you did to “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” can’t touch the calories you just ingested.

And then it gets worse.

When you get home you remember that whole healthy living thing you’ve been doing. You beeline to the kitchen for some carrot sticks, but it only takes one bite to realize that carrot sticks are the last thing a drunk person wants to eat. You try some whole wheat toast (ew), a bowl of cereal (nope), and even some salty pretzels (make you want to vom).

Then your roommate’s pizza gets delivered. It smells so good. Mmmm, look at that gooey cheese.

Before you know what you are doing, you are elbow deep in cheese and sauce, and dipping breadsticks into Ranch dressing. It is over in a minute, but the damage is done: 3 slices of pizza and 4 breadsticks. You begin to feel guilty (even though you know it was totally worth it), so you get up and go to bed.

In the morning you wake up feeling hung over, achy and in serious need of some water. As you get up to head to the kitchen you spot yourself in the mirror…with tomato sauce smeared across your cheek. And the whole night (especially the ending) comes rushing back to you. You quickly realize that you are going to have to get back to the gym after class.

Dammit.

BIG Women Get More Lovin' !

2009-04-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

The world’s fattest man, Manuel Uribe, recently married his girlfriend of 2 years, Claudia Solis, in Mexico. This left many a women pondering “…and why am I still single?”

According to a new study, the answer is simple: You aren’t eating enough.

I love being a Women's Studies minor--- it means we get to talk about girl issues all day long! Studies show that overweight women have more sex than women of average weight. In fact, according to research done by the University of Hawaii and Oregon State, “Ninety-two percent of overweight women reported having a history of sexual intercourse with a man, as opposed to 87 percent of women with a normal body mass index.”

92%. N-I-N-E-T-Y-T-W-O.

That’s no small number…

Dr. Bliss Kaneshiro from the University of Hawaii’s School of Medicine said that “These results were unexpected and we don’t really know why this is the case.”

Maybe it’s because these women have a bit more to love; maybe they are self-confident without any crazy body issues; or maybe we are finally seeing that men are not attracted to super thin women, but rather to women with a more natural and curvy body.

Which would be great news for women everywhere. Especially me…as I sit here indulging in a double turkey double cheese toasted sammy. So ladies-- please don't fret over all that leftover Easter Chocolate-- INDULGE!!

It’ll up your chances of gettin laid!

Northface Girl

2009-04-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

One thing that has baffled me since my move to Texas is Texan's inaccurate judging of temperature. It bothers me when, what would normally be a beautiful summer day in Seattle (only 6 clouds in the sky and raging heat of 75 -maybe 80 (el nino??) ), girls are walking around in their Northfaces like it was bloody snowing. Now, I know-- I was a little disappointed to when I moved here, it meant that I couldn't always wear the cute wintery things I used to love-- but please don't embarrass yourself and strut around campus in a Northface in 80 degree weather. Look at it positively, whereas in Seattle we can only wear colors about 13 days a year ( and grey, black, brown or DARK denim the remaining 332 days) Yall get to wear them every single day except for maybe the month on January-- even though I am pretty sure it reached like 73 in January. Hope you enjoy.

Online Stalking

2009-03-01T22:13:00.000-08:00

Your friend invites you to a party. Looking for a change of social scenery (there are only so many days in a row that you can play Beer Pong with the same 6 people), you go. It’s a whole new social circle and you are excited to see what else your campus has to offer.

While waiting in line for the keg, you start chatting it up with a rather handsome man (in a pair of hot jeans…yes, you looked). Turns out, he’s also funny, charming, and has this cute little dimple in his left cheek when he smiles. You spend a good chunk of the night talking, but then the keg runs out and your friend drags you out of the house in search of greener (or boozier) pastures.

So now you have left the party….without his number.

The night progresses in a blur of flip cup, party hopping, and a hazy memory of peeing in a sink. When you wake up, you feel like crap – and also have an empty Tupperware that once housed you roommate’s mom’s homemade cookies next to your bed. You lay in bed attempting to put the pieces of the night together when – BAM – the Keg Cutie comes flooding into your mind.

You have to figure out who he is. You slowly crawl out of bed, realize you are naked and put on some sweats, then settle in in front of your laptop. First stop: trusty ole’ FB, of course.

You look up your class friend and then scroll through all 787 of her friends until you find Keg Cutie’s tiny thumbnail pic. Lucky for you, he hasn’t hopped on the “total FB privacy” bandwagon yet and you have full access to his profile. You tell yourself you are just trying to get a last name so you can send a cute and witty email, but before you know it you are memorizing his favorite movies, class schedule and causes.

“I wonder if he’s as cute as I remember,” you think. “I’ll just look at a few pics.”

Thirty minutes and 453 pictures later, you are looking at the profile and albums of that hussy who was in at least 70 of his pics with him. You convince yourself she is an ex (“the albums she was in were added in 2007, so they can’t still be together!”) and feel a little better.

You realize that you and Keg Cutie have a few other friends in common and work your way through FB to figure out the connections. Not that you want to show up wherever he may be…. No, you are just curious.

When you’ve exhausted all Facebook resources, you stop caring about how stalkerish you’ve become and look the boy up on your University’s database (to see where he’s living, perhaps?) and Google (to check out his past).

By 3pm, you know more about Keg Cutie than you know about your own family members. Like the fact that he lives in the dorm next to you. You decide maybe it’s time to start dining in a different cafeteria… and putting on makeup to do so. Maybe you’ll check out their study lounges too. And you’re sure you have a few friends in there you can start hanging out with again…

I mean, that’s not weird, is it?
Well, yes, it is. But we’ve all been there and it’s not our fault; Facebook makes it too easy!

Purity Balls (cont.)

2009-02-25T20:24:00.000-08:00

Purity Balls: Protection from Cultural Explotiation or Reinforcing the Patriarchy
TLC recently did a special report entitled “Purity Balls.” My roommates and I watched this special with genuine curiosity and open-mindedness and upon the end of the special I was appalled at the sexism, control and objectification these girls and young women were subjected to by their own fathers. A purity ball is a celebration where fathers and daughters dress up and dance together and pledge to a giant cross that they will forever be linked when it comes to the daughters’ virginity. The TLC special provided a unique look into purity balls, where fathers and daughters subscribe to the single fundamental notion of chastity, with the fathers pledging to protect their young daughters' purity, and the daughters pledging to remain virgins until they marry.
I don’t believe that there is anything wrong with fathers taking an active role in their daughters lives, and I don’t even see anything wrong with fathers talking frankly to their daughters about sex and the consequences. However, I do believe that there is just something inherently wrong about a daughter pledging to her father that she will remain a virgin until she is married, not for her, but for him. Although chastity until marriage was the recommendation for all, boys included, at least in my understanding, all of the pressure is put on the girls. One of the eleven year olds featuring in the special was quoted as saying, “I want to remain a virgin until marriage because it’s the safe option and if my future husband decided to do the same then we would be really safe.” The operative word in this quotation is “if.” The word “if” affords the freedom of males to experiment with their sexuality, however it was very clear that the “if” option was not available to her. Throughout the special it became abundantly obvious that the concept of the purity ball and the chastity vow communicated to the girls and young women that their moral compass lie between their legs.
It is not my intent to bash anyone’s religion, and even though purity balls stem from a Christian fundamentalist tradition, it is not the praying and idea that “I’m doing it for God” that rubs me the wrong way. Rather, it is the inappropriate linking of sexuality to human worth. If girls were simply promising themselves to wait until marriage to lose their virginity, then why make their fathers part of the pact? Why not make a promise to their mothers that they’ll stay strong women together? I know that Conservative Christianity usually affords men more power than the woman, but if these fathers really loved their daughters the way they claimed to, why not pledge to allow them to become their own woman on their own time? In my opinion, sex should be irrelevant. Young men should not be measuring a woman’s worth according to how easily they have sex or whether they choose to have sex. Both serve to objectify women because they reduce them to the use of their female genitalia. A woman isn't better for meeting social expectations of beauty, she isn't worse for enjoying sex often or with different partners, and she isn't better because she is "saving" herself for a future husband. None of that is relevant.
I also found the attention the ceremony paid the fathers was also interesting. The man conducting the ceremony, Mr. Wilson, was quoted as saying, “Fathers, our daughters are waiting for us, they are desperately waiting for us in a culture that lures them into the murky waters of exploitation. They need to be rescued by you, their dad.” So much emphasis was continually being placed on the men as actors and the girls as subjects. This suggested that men are authority figures who must be given control while the girls are merely subjects of male action. One of the key lines spoken by the narrator was something that many viewers may have not noticed. The narrator said, "the graying men in the shadow of their glittering daughters were the true focus of the night." To me this was obvious; purity balls are all about the fathers and have always been about the fathers: making them feel more masculine and powerful because they are knights in shining armor who will protect their innocent daughters from the evils of "the culture" that would corrupt them. It's about helping men assert greater authority and control over their daughters so that their daughters will be less likely to seek personal or sexual autonomy as they grow older. It's about reinforcing the entire patriarchal system of male control and authority over women, so that these girls will continue looking to men as the real actors for the rest of their lives. “It’s also good for me,” said Terry Lee, who attended the ball for a second year, this time with his youngest daughter. “It inspires me to be spiritual and moral in turn. If I’m holding them to such high standards, you can be sure I won’t be cheating on their mother.” It's good for the fathers because it reinforces a system in which they and other men are privileged over all women throughout society. There is nothing about controlling women which makes men less likely to treat their vows to women as more worthy of keeping.
Writer and feminist Eve Ensler criticizes purity balls for what she sees as the position of inferiority it puts the daughters in: "When you sign a pledge to your father to preserve your virginity, your sexuality is basically being taken away from you until you sign yet another contract, a marital one...It makes you feel like you’re the least important person in the whole equation. It makes you feel invisible." Purity balls and pledges are not a way for fathers to get closer to their daughters, it's a way for fathers to reinforce to their daughters a message which their churches also keep repeating: females are inferior creatures which must look to men for protection and control. The world is a dangerous, chaotic places full of threats, but if you trust in men, the male-controlled church, and a male god, then you will find protection, security, safety, and salvation.

Your Body is a Battleground

2009-02-25T20:14:00.000-08:00

IS YOUR BODY IS A BATTLEGROUND?

Barbara Kruger, the artist of my respective image, explores feminist theory through artistic expression. Although my image is not an advertisement in the sense that we are being solicited to desire or buy anything, it is a piece of artwork taken and used to sell an idea and furthermore the particular belief set espoused by Kruger. The image was originally used in a Washington DC march advocating a pro-choice position and reproductive rights for women. However, for the purpose of this paper, I would argue that the metaphor of a women’s body being a battleground extends further and transcends deeper than just in the reproductive rights sense. That, in truth women’s bodies can be considered “battlegrounds” in more than one sense. This paper intends to discuss the metaphor in regards to the patriarchy, consumerism and the male gaze and in relation to Kruger’s work, Untitled ( Your Body is A Battleground).
In her montage, Untitled (Your Body is a Battleground) from 1989, Kruger voices her opinion to protect women’s rights through an image that also raises issues of power, patriarchy, stereotyping, and consumption. Kruger’s untitled work known as Your Body is a Battleground, depicts a bold black and white photograph with its meaning emphasized through red blocks filled with white text. The image is of a women’s face split symmetrically along the vertical axis. There is a play of positive and negative space between the two halves of the image, highlighting ideas of “positive versus negative”, “white versus black” and “good versus bad.” The figure’s characteristics such as her hair and makeup display that of an ideal 1950s housewife style. Her gaze is directed straight ahead, making eye contact with the viewer in a confrontational manner. The intent of her eye contact by Kruger was to meet the male gaze and challenge it.
The male gaze in advertising is extremely common in Western society and a fairly well-studied topic. This is because, more than just being an object of the gaze, the woman in the advertisement becomes what’s being bought and sold. The message is always the same: buy the product, get the girl; or buy the product and be like the girl so you can get your man. In other words, buy the image, get the woman. In this way, the male gaze objectifies and subsequently commodifies women as something that can be bought and sold. In relation to the “battleground” metaphor, it is through the gaze, that men are able to gain control over the bodies of women, thus creating a “push-pull- battleground” tension between the two sexes. Kruger ties this to a critique of consumerism, in that everything in Euro-American culture can be bought, sold, and owned. This ideology extends to relationships among individuals further causing struggles over control and power.
I will now shift focus to the female body and the effects the patriarchal system has in regards to it. The female body has many uses in our society. It sells cars, beer, shaving cream, cigarettes, hard liquor; it sells diet drugs, diamonds, and perfume. As discussed earlier, it does not merely sell, it is sold. Whereas older generations of western women were faced with a complete lack of choice or freedom with regard to how they wanted to live and what social positions they occupied, now, society and patriarchy has shifted, and while women’s choices have expanded enormously in the area of what women can do or be, we are given few (if any) options on how to look, act, and feel in the body of a western woman. Forced feminization for the current generation has meant looking, rather than acting, in a certain prescribed way. Discussions in previous Women’s Studies classes have brought attention to the feminist writer Natalie Angier who wrote that there is a constant struggle between men and women “over the same valuable piece of real estate—the female body”. There is a perpetual push and pull between the sexes: women fight to have control over their physical bodies as well as their places in society, while men fight to maintain their dominance over women in society. Hence, the “battleground” metaphor.
Ultimately, I think it must be understood that women’s bodies carry and have always carried a certain cultural significance in a way that men’s bodies do not. Western society presents a set of cultural standards regarding women’s bodies dictated by the patriarchy to which become methods of forced feminization. Gradually, girls learn what culture expects of them as a female, and, more importantly, understand the myriad of ways the female body is organized to "fit" patriarchal molds of femininity. Women’s bodies were, and are, shaped by patriarchy and resistance to patriarchy. Women’s bodies illustrate a political landscape and subsequently their identities are highly policed.

We've All Been There: The Morning After

2009-02-10T22:07:00.000-08:00

A Woman Should Have (I did not write this)

2009-01-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...one old love

she can imagine

going back to...

and one who reminds

her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...enough money within her

control to move out and

rent a place of her own

even if she never wants

to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

.. something perfect to wear if

the employer or date of her dreams

wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

.. a youth she's content to leave behind...

...and a past juicy enough that

she's looking forward to

retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a set of screwdrivers, a

cordless drill, and a black

lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

..one friend who always makes

her laugh ... and one who lets

her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a feeling of control over

her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

....how to fall in love without

losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

..how to quit a job,

break up with a lover,

and confront a friend

without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...when to try harder ... and

when to walk away...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

....that she can't change the

length of her calves, the width

of her hips, or the nature of her

parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...that her childhood may not

have been perfect...but its

over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...what she would and wouldn't

do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

..how to live alone... even if

she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...whom she can trust,

whom she can't,

and why she shouldn't

take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...where to go...

be it to her best friend's kitchen
table...

or a charming inn in the woods...

when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

.. what she can and can't

accomplish in a day...

a month...and a year...

People Study: The Sorostitue

2009-01-26T19:40:00.000-08:00

So, the thing about most of the annoying people on campus is that, most of the time, you can get away from them. Either you pass the class and move on, you simply ignore their sermons, or they generally exit your life just as quickly as they came.

Not all of them, though. Some annoying campus dwellers will be there. Always. Forever. And never go away.

Who am I talking about? Why, the Frat House Groupie, of course!

Now, there are many girls who may seem to fall into this category that should not. These are:

1) Members of a sister sorority. It’s super common to see certain fraternities pairing up with certain sororities on campus; their bylaws/campus rules/international standards of fraternizing require that they have to make nice with the girlies and co-host events together. Whatev. Point is, if you’re hanging at the house one Friday night because they’re having an awesome Fiesta themed costume party and you see the typical group of sorority girls, those are the least of your worries.

2) Girlfriends or ex girlfriends of frat boys: These girls are expected to be there. After all, they aren’t just trolling the crowd looking for booty; this is their man’s house. Or their ex man. And they are still friends with all the boys. Read: they know people.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s move into the girls you should be wary of. There are generally two types of Frat House Groupies:

1. The Slutty One: She is the first one at the party and the last one to leave. She’ll be dancing on a table wearing the shiny, super tight tube top that she doesn’t have the body for. On top of that, she’ll be wearing jeans or pants that are usually at least one size too small so that she looks like a stumbling, slurring Muffin Top. She also tends to wear heels that might be better suited for a scantily clad woman dancing around a pole in a dark corner of a strip club. She makes a habit of staying up half the night playing beer pong, but doesn’t bother to cover those dark circles under her eyes in the afternoon when she finally rolls out of bed. Those are her battle scars and she wants everyone to ask about her night. Her most annoying attribute is that she thinks she’s hot stuff and that every guy in the house would die to get with her, when in reality she couldn’t get into a photoshoot for STD awareness.

She’s hangs at the house constantly, trying to get laid, or establish her “place” there. She thrives on the idea of being part of the inner frat circle, when she is really just a (slutty) puppy dog following the brothers around. Or passing out on one of their dirty, beer-soaked couches.

2. The Guys’ Girl: The other groupie is the exact opposite. Her uniform includes way more conservative dress. She won’t dress like a slut, but she won’t dress like a lady either. She likes the t-shirt and jean approach because she feels like “one of the guys.” She likes Polo hats, wears Columbia more than my fisherman Grandfather and sports over sized Guy Harvey shirts to class and her favorite pastime is watching football with the guys. She thinks she is much more mature than the other girls around the house and has a much better relationship with her “boys.” She likes to talk about being able to hold her own, whether it’s in arguments with the men or drinking them under the table (never actually seen that one happen).

This is the girl that wants to be uber important to the fraternity and all of its members and thinks herself a brother even though she lacks (among other things) a penis. The guys’ girl tells everyone that she would never date a frat boy, but secretly wants nothing more. The whole “I’m one of the guys” front is just that: a front. At her core, she wants the same thing as every other girl trolling the frat house hallways. She just doesn’t want to be seen that way.

Whichever category she falls into, the Frat House Groupie is a staple at frat parties nationwide. If you find yourself at a Golf Pros and Tennis Hoes party, or just a random Pre-Party Thursday, you will run into her. Every. single. time. There is no cure for the Frat House Groupie; just avoid, avoid, avoid.